Welcome to Worldwide "Make Lonely People Feel Like Crap" Day, or as it's more commonly known, Valentine's Day. The day that scars children for life when teachers have to institute the "bring everyone in the class a valentine or don't particiapte rule" and they still wind up with a small handful of the ugly valentines left in the package. (true story. 35 kids in my class one year and I got 7 valentines despite the teacher's rule. 6 of them were the same missprinted, off-kilter one. Not only did we all buy the same assortment, but they apparently came from the same batch. The lone halfway nice one was from my teacher) The day that makes grown women take to their beds with a migraine when they listen to their paired-up friends gush over their romantic plans. The day that none of the lousy bastards I ever dated wanted to celebrate if we were dating at the time it rolled around. I would have settled for a lousy card and a hug and didn't get either.
Not that I'm bitter.
Ok, I'm bitter.
Anyway, my last long-term relationship ended a couple of years ago. Beast & I were sort of together off and on for a dozen or so years. During which he married 2 other women. We'd stop speaking altogether while he was married, he'd get divorced, and we'd pick back up where we left off. Both times I found out about the marriages from his company's website and/or mutual friends who were surprised I knew nothing about it. Yes, I was that stupid, naive, and thought I was in love. I finally walked away after the last marriage, depsite reports from friends that the marriage was in trouble almost as soon as they said "I do." Because even if he decided he didn't, he'd never commit to me. And I finally realized I deserved better than that.
So here's a poem/song I wrote last year after he called me. Just to say hi, you know. For the record, I hung up as soon as I realized it was him.
Disposable Girl
I'm just the poor girl who begged you to stay
I gave you my heart and you threw it away
You laughed at my tears, as they shimmered like pearls
There's no room in your heart for disposable girls...
I'm a no-one from nowhere, who didn't understand
That the cool ones like you would never take my hand
If I stayed in the shadows I could bask in your light
But you'd never say you loved me because "It wouldn't look right."
I'm just the poor girl who begged you to stay
I gave you my heart and you threw it away
You laughed at my tears, as they shimmered like pearls
There's no room in your heart for disposable girls...
Too tall, too dark, too fat, and too loud
I didn't belong with your privileged crowd
I was your dirty secret, tucked safely away
A bird on a wire, waiting for 'someday'
I'm just the poor girl who begged you to stay
I gave you my heart and you threw it away
You laughed at my tears, as they shimmered like pearls
There's no room in your heart for disposable girls...
Oh the lies that you told me and the promises never kept
Did you ever consider the tears that I wept?
The love you held back from me, for which I so yearned
Was a flame for this moth, and oh did it burn...
You chased after others and still I remained
Waiting in the darkness with the heart you disdained
But nothing is forever, and I took a chance-
When given the choice you left with no backwards glance.
I'm just the poor fool who begged you to stay
You crumpled my heart & threw it away
You ignored my tears as they shimmered like pearl
Now there's no room for you in the life of this disposable girl.
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