Wednesday, September 18, 2013

The Dear Officer Files

Dear Officer:

I see it's time to remind some of you morons of the following:

1. YES, you need a report number for anything you deposit with us. It is not our fault if you are not smart enough to tell Dispatch that you need a number for found or personal property, it doesn't get marked, and Reports harrasses you for the next six months.

2. DO NOT attempt to hand me a needle that is not in a safety tube. Should you manage to do it without sticking me, I will still break a foot off in your ass.

3. PLEASE tell us if ANYTHING you are handing us is sticky/has blood on it/anything you would not want your sister/wife/daughter touching with their bare hands. It is not funny to us and watching you laugh at our disgusted/panicked reactions when we've been exposed to god-knows-what is not going to help the situation.

4. DO NOT bring in something oversized/heavy and think you're going to waltz out without helping us move it to a storage location.

5. If you are a repeat offender for any of the things above or other issues named in previous "Dear Officer" letters, don't ask us why we're never happy when you come in. We'll tell you.


The Angry Amazon

Tuesday, September 17, 2013


So, I'd been threatening to try smoothies as part of my weight-loss plan for the last year or so. The drawback was that I needed a blender- the one Schmucknuts gave me had given up the ghost a long time ago, and the spare one a friend had promised me never materialized. I could have bought one at any point, but it's more fun to spend money on junk fun stuff, right?

One of the things I did on my staycation this year was decide to get my crap together once and for all. I want to travel again, and I especially want to go to Europe...specifically England. Traveling gets difficult when you have back & knee problems, adding fat to the mix is a recipe for disaster. So I'm making a real effort to start shedding weight.

I gave in and bought the damn blender. I bought a cheap one, designed for a smoothie or 2 at a time. Knowing my attention span, I was afraid that I'd buy an expensive one, make 1 or 2 drinks and then it would become a paperweight. I've been using it for about a month now, drinking smoothies almost daily, and you know what? It's helping!

I'm down 8 lbs. since my last weigh in. It's getting more fruit & veg into my diet, although I haven't been able to bring myself to try a green smoothie yet. The cats run when they hear the blender, which is always fun to watch. I need to try to get some more exercise worked into my schedule, but baby steps are better than none.

So, today I'm going to leave you with a recipe for one of the first ones I tried. It's from the book Skinny Smoothies by Shell Harris & Elizabeth Johnson:

Apple Raspberry Smoothie

1 banana
2 small-medium apples peeled & coarsely chopped
1/2 c red grapes
1/2 c raspberries
1/2 c water
4 ice cubes

Put the water in the blender first. Add other ingredients, ending with the ice cubes. Blend until smooth & drink!

Monday, September 9, 2013

Storms & Trees

Well, we thought the wind & ice storms we had here a few years ago pretty much brought down everything on the trees in my neighborhood that were likely to come down. We were wrong.

It started with my next door neighbor, Chuck. The tree in his yard, next to my driveway is half dead. Most of it came down during the windstorm and took out my old car. (before he lived there) Small bits & pieces fall off it periodically, but nothing massive until we had a bad storm a while back. I was leaving for work when the wind started kicking up. Had *just* cleared my driveway when a huge limb came crashing down. It missed me by inches, and had I left the house a minute later my car would have been smashed. Chuck came tearing out of his house, fearing the worst- boy did he look relieved to see me & my car unharmed. He told me that he'd call his son to come help him clear the limb from my drive as soon as the storm passed, and that I was free to park in his drive if they weren't able to get to it by the time I got home that night.

The drive in to work was exciting, and not in a good way. The wind was whipping up to almost hurricane strength (shade of those storms a few years back) and tree limbs were coming down everywhere...along with quite a few power lines. I don't understand idiots who think it's ok to drive over a downed line that is VISIBLY sparking.

We had another bad storm just before my birthday that brought down an enormous limb in my backyard. Didn't do any damage, thankfully. And then the last week has brought more storms which has taken down some good sized limbs in my front yard. Again, we've been lucky and had no damage, but it's really beginning to bother me that these trees are so fragile. I suspect they need to be cut down entirely and new ones planted, but doubt my landlord is going to be willing to pay for that. Maybe if I tell him that they pose a risk to the new roof & siding that *FINALLY* got finished after last year's weather debacles...

Thursday, September 5, 2013

What I Do When I'm Not Attempting To Blog

1. Spend way more time at my job than I would like to. Yes, I get paid OT for it, but that gets old after a while and taxes eat more of it than it's worth. We've been short 2 clerks in my office for a year now and it's beginning to wear us all out.

2. Eat junk that I shouldn't. Discovered Bacon Jerky - yes, you read that correctly- at World Market last week and have had to remind myself that it's too expensive and too bad for me to buy/eat regularly.

3. Spend money like a drunken sailor on shore leave. Working on cutting that down too. Hit the DMC sale at Joann Fabrics last week and now have enough floss to stitch a battleship. Also hit sales at B&N, Target, World get the idea.

4. Play video games on my phone. I should NEVER have upgraded to a smartphone. My 3 current addicitons are Bejewled Blitz, Candy Crush, and Angry Birds Star Wars.

5. Spend time with my parents. I took my dad to an Ohio Valley Wrestling TV taping while I was on vacation and it was hysterically awful. The highlight of the evening was the wrestler in the full length pink bunny suit...don't ask. At least one of the announcers is a Monty Python fan, because he lost it when I screamed "Activate Vorpal Bunny Powers!" Mom & I spent a day at the pool and got totally sunburnt.

6. Sing songs to my cats. Yes, I'm special.

7. Attempt to do things around the house. Something else from my vacation- I hung the London print that I got for my birthday. Then I decided that my bathroom needed work, so I put in a new shower caddy tower, a new curtain rod, and a new etagere. The rest of the house is still a wreck, but my bathroom looks nice!

8. READ! I have a ton of books that I would like to post reviews for...someday. Will work on that too!

9. Listen to music- my current new favorite is Five Finger Death Punch. One officer friend borrowed my car the other day and came back shaking his head. He'd looked at the cd's in the car. In addition to the 5FDP, I had the latest Buddy Guy, a Kelly CLarkson, Rick Springfield, Halestorm, and Barry Manilow. "You are a strange know that, right?" Well, DUH.

10. Watch dvd's if I'm not reading or stitching. I just got the first season of Elementary in the mail today, so i'm looking forward to settling down with it. I may not get to watch it until next week since I'm working all weekend, but I'm looking forward to it all the same.

More later...