Monday Musings- things not to say to me at work when I'm tired and cranky and my responses to them

1.       You look tired. (No, really? Silly me, I thought I looked bright eyed and bushy tailed)

2.       *coworker, snapping* I don’t need any input from you, I know how to do this. (seconds later) Um, how do I do this? (Kiss my ass, bitch, you said you knew what you were doing) 

3.       Are you having a bad day? (no, I always bite my lip until it bleeds)

4.       *person on phone telling long rambling story that is of no concern to me at all* blah blah, protecting the criminals and not the victims, and you sound like you don’t even care. (you’re right, I don’t)

5.       Did you want to finish your dinner before you start this? (I’d love to finish my dinner instead of entering your stupid search warrant, but I can’t eat with you standing there staring at me AND my coworkers telling me you’re there, as if I don’t see/hear you)

6.       Why don’t you ever look happy? (I work here, idiot, what do you think?)

7.       There’s another officer at the window. (Did I miss your promotion to management? I’m dealing with an idiot phone call, my computer is locked up, and he’s not going anywhere. If you’re that concerned, type your shit in faster and get him yourself)

8.       You’re going to hate me for this….. (Yep)

9.       Are you sure I need a report number for this? (No, I just like to hear you call dispatch- WE ARE GOING INTO YEAR 4 ON THIS SYSTEM, YES YOU NEED A %$*@%*@%&*@#%&* REPORT NUMBER)

10.   Wow, your face is really broken out! (Thanks. Your penis must be really small)