Close Encounters of the Moldy Kind

So, at the beginning of July, they tried to kill me at work. 

It was a Thursday night that I was working alone and had been extremely busy. Then the 1st division Flex squad showed up with a search warrant. Warrants are fiddly, time-consuming, and usually a colossal pain in the ass because they collect everything they can get their hands on ESPECIALLY if it's a drug case...we've had furniture brought in because it "was probably bought with drug money."

This wasn't too bad as search warrants go...until I got to the money. I knew something wasn't right as soon as I touched it. A wave of sour, stale moldiness wafted up to assault my nose and the money was damp & sticky. "Was this in a basement or something?" The detective turning it in looked down and mumbled something about a safe.

Well, the bills were sticking together something awful and I kept having to recount them. The smell got worse with every recount and by the time I was done, I was a sneezing, wheezing, watery-eyed hot mess. AND my hands itched. (I tried wearing gloves but it's really hard to count money with them on, so I gave up)

It took 3 shots of my rescue inhaler, a double dose of antihistamines, and several applications of eye-drops to be able to breathe & see after I got everything packaged & put away. By the time I got home, it felt like there was a lead weight on my chest and my throat was on fire. Was I smart enough to go to the ER? No. However, I WAS smart enough to fill out the exposure forms and email my bosses about the issue before I left the office.

After a VERY bad night, I went into work the next day. Like an idiot. I told our "coordinator" that I was sick and needed to go home and/or see a doctor. Both the Sgt & Lt had taken vacation days and the useless wonder was left in charge. She called around to ask if anyone would come in and at least cover part of the shift. No, dummy, in a case like this, you are allowed to FORCE OT, which is what she would have had to do if I'd just been smart enough to call in sick in the first place. The problem was that she asked them all first (and was not surprisingly turned down), so when she called back to try to force someone in, nobody would answer their phones. (despite knowing that I was sick- my coworkers ARE asshats, in case you were wondering) So she said I'd just have to stay, but if it got too bad to call her and she'd try to come back and cover me herself. Gee, thanks.

Every officer that came in that night was horrified to see me. By 6 o'clock, I was back to wheezing/sneezing, my eyes were watery again, and I looked like someone had punched me in the nose and blackened both of them. Oh, and my relief for the night wandered in 15 minutes late to boot. (bitch)

Did I go to the ER then? Noooooo. (Yes, I am an idiot) I went home, crawled straight into bed and spent the night fighting a fever & chills. I spent most of the weekend in bed, sick as a dog. Monday, I called in sick and dared them to argue. Tuesday morning, I finally went to the doctor. She was horrified and gave me an antibiotic that I have forgotten the name of but was like germ napalm. Not only did it knock out the sinus/throat infection my allergic reaction turned into, it cleared up acne!

It took nearly two weeks for me to get back to what passes for normal in my life. In the meantime, my bosses quizzed the detective who finally, albeit reluctantly, admitted that the money hadn't been in a safe, but was hidden inside the gaps of cinder-blocks in the drug dealer's foundation."But none of us had a problem after WE handled it!" Yeah, well none of YOU has a compromised immune system AND major mold allergies. Asses were ripped, apologies were issued, and the tellers at the bank were NOT happy to get that moldy money.

Lessons learned:

1. When a detective gives you a sketchy answer, make THEM handle the evidence.

2. GO TO THE FREAKING HOSPITAL

3. I will no longer answer my phone if it's the office. If they need someone to cover a 'sick' coworker, tough shit. I sucked up, they can too.


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I'm on vacation for the next two weeks. Blog posts will continue to be sporadic.

The Return of Mt. Laundry

My current favorite comic, http://www.twolumps.net/, strikes again. I want to know where they've hidden the camera in my house...

Lazy Girl Steak Birds

My mom is a good cook. One of my favorite dishes of hers is one we call Steak Birds. She pounds pieces of steak until they're flat, fills them with stuffing & rolls them up. Then they get browned on all sides and simmered in a gravy until tender. She often makes the stuffing from scratch, so it can be a time consuming dish.

I am a decent cook, but lazy. I was craving Mom's dish the other night, so I sort of faked a version. I used minute steaks, dredged in seasoned flour & browned in olive oil. Removed those from the pan and threw in some butter & onions and stirred that around until they were tender. Added a little more seasoned flour and a splash of milk, before stirring in a can of cream of mushroom soup, 1/2 a soup can of water, and a package of mushroom gravy mix. Put the steaks back in, covered the pan and reduced the heat to simmer while I went off to take a shower. (it had been one of THOSE days at work)

When I came back I cooked a box of cornbread stuffing mix, using a bit less water & butter than the package called for. I tend to like a dry stuffing anyway as it absorbs the gravy better.

Mounded a pile of stuffing on the plate, topped it with gravy and a minute steak. If I was a good girl, I'd have made green beans or a salad to go with this.

Anyway, it was good. And I made enough to get a couple of meals out of it, so I don't have to cook for a day or two!

Where has my brain gone?

As you may have noticed, I haven't posted much again lately. There have been some things going on worth posting to me, I just haven't had the time/energy to do anything about them. I'll try to work on that over the next few weeks.

Mostly as a reminder for myself, but also as a sort of teaser for anyone interested, upcoming posts will feature:

1. Going to a Neil Gaiman signing. (He's lovely)

2. Going to a house concert featuring Evie Laden & Keith Terry

3. My job has tried to kill me again, aka the moldy money story

4. British DVD's and how I'm too broke to buy them but do it anyway

5. My jackass brother is coming to visit...yay

6. Why I hate storms & wish my neighbor would just cut that damned tree down already

7. Contests, past & present

8. Games and how I get utterly addicted to them

9. Swedish murder mysteries (Camilla Lackberg)

10. S.T.A.R.E. & S.A.B.L.E. (STITCHY STUFF)

Life's Little Indulgences

Despite my battles with insomnia, my bed is one of my favorite places to be. One of my favorite pleasures is to make a bed with fresh sheets, and then crawl into it after a long shower. There is nothing like the feeling of utter bliss you get when you slide a freshly scrubbed self in between crisp clean sheets. (other bed-related forms of bliss will not be discussed in case my mother finds this blog again)

I'm something of a bed-linen junkie. I love colorful sheets. I like plain sheets. I have sheets that have been worn to pieces. I discovered jersey knit sheets and thought I'd died and gone to heaven. Then, on a trip to T J Maxx last year, I scored a set of 300 count cotton sheets on the discount rack. Bliss! Not a color I care for that much (deep dark red- looks wonderful with my purple & green bedroom, NOT), but they were $22 marked down from $79. Score!

Well, I've managed to top that. I didn't do it intentionally. I'm trying to get better about my spending. But I had some extra cash burning a hole in my pocket thanks to OT at work and a winning scratch ticket, and when I saw these, I couldn't resist. 450 count Egyptian cotton sheets in dusty lavender for under $40. They were made for me- and there was only one package, in the size my bed is, in the store. Who needs groceries anyway?

I have a quirk that doesn't allow me to wear new clothes or use new linens of any sort without washing them first. you just never know where things have been. Those sheets went straight into the wash when I got home and were ready to go on my bed by the end of the night. The result? Pure, unadulterated bliss. It's like sleeping on a cloud. I may never sleep on anything else ever again.

There is a downside to these wonderful, wonderful sheets. The purrbeasts are obsessed with trying to get to them. I don't want them on my lovely new bedding. Nightshade managed to get the comforter pulled back off the foot of the bed so she could loll on my sheets at her leisure. Malkin managed to unearth the pillows and lie on them. I've threatened to shave the next cat whose fur appears on my bed.

Actually, there's another downside. These glorious sheets make my ratty old comforters look even worse. I really need a new duvet...but I've got a birthday coming up, so maybe that will be taken care of then...


**updated** I caved in when I saw this set on Amazon. Perfect colors and good price, so I'm happy now.

A further dose of randomness...or... Still Life With Slugs

Having trouble of thinking of something worth writing about. Having trouble with a lot of things these days. My body is waiting for my brain to get the message that it just doesn't want to work anymore. The road trip was 2 weeks ago and I'm still worn out. Damn CFS.

Had discussions with 2 different friends and then on Pioneer Woman's blog about music of the 70's-80's. While I still listen to a lot of different things, including quite a bit of current stuff  (Halestorm rocks, BTW), I still like the music from those years. And because I spent a LOT of time listening to the radio & watching MTV, I can identify a shitload of songs by title and/or artist within the first few seconds. Even worse- I often know the words and often have to stop myself from caterwauling singing along in public. My former bookstore coworker, Scott, and I had quite the discussion about how kids today (now I feel old) don't know the thrill of browsing through record stores after waiting impatiently for an artist's new album to come out.

Switching gears for a minute- I seriously dislike insects, arachnids, and slithery reptiles. One of the things I hate about summer, besides the heat, is the amount of bugs that find their way into my house. I've been inundated with ants; the fleas that I made such effort to get rid of are popping up here & there (and being assasinated with extreme predjudice); and grossest of all are the kaza-flatching slugs. Every night I come home, walk into my bathroom, and there are slugs on my shower wall and in my bathtub. UGH. On the other hand, my tub hasn't been this clean in years, because I bleach the hell out of it daily now that those things are in it. Last night was the worst- I was pleased to only see one small slug clinging to the wall....until I looked down at the tub drain and saw a gordian knot of the digusting things around the trap.  ICK ICK ICK.

So I sounded the critter call (AIEEEEEEEEEEE! for those of you who were wondering), which was the cue for my cats to flee to my bed. After a few more shrieks, I remembered that I live alone and nobody was going to come get the icky things for me. Also, my neighbors might call the cops if I don't knock off the screaming and I don't think the code red responders would appreciate me asking them to get slugs out of my drain once they arrived. I debated the following options:

1. lay a trail of salt across the doorway, close the bathroom door and hope the disgusting things were gone in the morning (I was strongly leaning toward this one)

2. hermetically seal my arm/hand in cling film & tissue, pluck the nasty things out of the drain, and flush them down the toilet (nixed that one- hate the feel of squirming bags of snot in my hand)

3. pour an entire box of salt down the drain followed by boiling water, baking soda, & vinegar.

DING DING DING DING...WE HAVE A WINNER! Normally I wouldn't pour salt on them (time honored slug killing method that it is) because the resulting gooey mess grosses me out more than the live slugs, but this would go down the drain! I wouldn't have to touch anything! Yay! So I ran to the kitchen, put the kettle on, grabbed the salt and headed back to the bathroom. There may have been some evil chortling involved- don't judge me. Poured the salt into the drain and did the heebie-jeebie dance of grossed-outedness, and went back to wait 5 or so minutes for the kettle.

Took the boiling water into the bath, poured that down the now-mercifully-slug-free drain. Went back for the vinegar & baking soda, poured them in and let the foam settle, and then ran the hot tap for a few minutes. Yeah, it's overkill, but those things REALLY squick me out.

Huh. Guess I had more to say than I thought. Feel free to laugh at me now, if you haven't already done so. :-)

Did that just happen?!?

So I'm at work and my boys BB & DH wandered in with their evidence. (Initials being used to protect the guilty/save my hide)  While I was entering their first case, D asked if we had any of the small baggies we use for narcotics. I passed some out to him and started on the second case.

While that was going on, BB was asking about what our schedules were like in this office. I explained how that worked, and he joked that he might have to put in an application for one of the vacant spots to help pay his child support. This boy is cute as a button, but still hasn't learned where babies come from, cuz he has a lot of them. So D & I started teasing him about that, and then he spotted the baggies I'd given D.

"Hey!" he squawked. "I need some of those too!" I told him I'd get him some when I was done with their case.

"But I want some now...c'mon, you know you want to give me some babies. I'll give you anything you want if you give me some babies!"

*crickets*

Then he realized what he'd just said.

And when we saw the the look on his face, D & I exploded into hysterical laughter.

I suspect it may be a few days before he wanders in again...