Goblinproofing One's Chicken Coop- Reginald Bakeley

I read an article online somewhere (and am too lazy to look it up now to tell you exactly where) about an "Odd Title of the Year" contest. This was the winner. (Other titles included such gems as God's Doodle- The life and Times of the Penis and How To Sharpen Pencils)



Here's the Amazon Blurb:

Help is on the way! In the tradition of Lemony Snicket and Roald Dahl, Goblinproofing One's Chicken Coop shows how to banish those pesky dark Fairy creatures who are ready to thwart every last pleasure, be it gardening, country hikes, or even getting a good night's sleep.


In this charming guide, "fairy hunter" Reginald Bakeley offers practical instructions to clear your home and garden of these unsettling inhabitants, and banish them from your chicken coop and kitchen cupboard forever!

In Goblinproofing One's Chicken Coop readers will discover:

Why a bustle in one's hedgerow may be cause for alarm

Why a garden fumigator may come in handy on evenings at the pub

Why a toy merchant, a butcher, and a Freemason are among your best allies in the fight against the fey


Goblinproofing One's Chicken Coop is the only complete manual on how to identify, track, defend, and destroy those bothersome brownies, goblins, dwarves, scheming flower-fairies, and other nasty members of the fairy realm.

My take: It was amusing. I would have liked it better had there been some Lady Cottington-type pressed fairy illustrations to accompany the text, but it was fun nonetheless.  I wound up buying on my Kindle because none of the bookstores in my area had it. (I DID get some very weird looks when I asked for it at B&N and Books-a-Million) Amazon was back-ordered on print copies at the time and I decided to go the instant gratification route. I don't know that I would recommend paying full price for it, but it's worth reading if you like twisted fairy tales and that sort of thing.

Bad Dates 2: The First Blind Date

Shortly after I moved to Kentucky, one of my classmates at culinary school asked if she could set me up with a friend of a friend. Since I was trying to embrace a new phase of my life, I said yes. The first warning sign should have been the fact that all communication was done through my classmate.

Since I wasn't crazy about giving my home address out to a stranger, I offered to meet him at the Books-A-Million cafe. (you think I'd have learned to avoid anything to do with that place and dates) M told me that she'd given him a rough idea of what I looked like and that I had a dominant personality. (remember that) All she told me about him was that he was tall.

So, date day arrived. I got to the cafe early, ordered a drink and settled down at a table to wait. it didn't take long. I heard someone say "oh my lord" and a few snickers, and I knew without turning around that this was going to be my date. Sure enough, this figure walks over and stands at attention beside me. Dressed in head to to black latex. He was tall, I'll give M that much. About 6'5 and weighed about 100 lbs. (not a typo) And he apparently took "dominant personality" to mean something entirely different.

"Hello, mistress!" Gulp. "I've been a bad boy...will you punish me?" *facepalm*

The people sitting around this spectacle were gawking and starting to snicker. I quickly jumped up, told him there had been a mistake, and practically flew out the door. Jumped into my car, burned rubber backing out of that lot at 90 m.p.h., and fled home. Called M, screaming, when I got home. She spent the next 6 weeks apologizing and doing my dishes in class.

Let's Pretend This Never Happened- Jenny Lawson

From amazon.com: Jenny Lawson realized that the most mortifying moments of our lives—the ones we’d like to pretend never happened—are in fact the ones that define us. In Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson takes readers on a hilarious journey recalling her bizarre upbringing in rural Texas, her devastatingly awkward high school years, and her relationship with her long-suffering husband, Victor. Chapters include: “Stanley the Magical, Talking Squirrel”; “A Series of Angry Post-It Notes to My Husband”; “My Vagina Is Fine. Thanks for Asking”; “And Then I Snuck a Dead Cuban Alligator on an Airplane.” Pictures with captions (no one would believe these things without proof) accompany the text.




Ok, this is a look at the life of one of the funniest bloggers I've ever read, and OMG is it twisted. Funny as hell, and occasionally sad, but twisted. If I had experienced some of the things that Jenny did, I'd probably be even crazier than I am today. From Stanley the Talking Squirrel to Beyonce the Metal Chicken, there are stories that will gross you out, make you laugh, and make you wonder HOW some of these things happen.

Milking the Rhino: Dangerously Funny Lists by Chris Rush

This was an odd little title that I picked up as a kindle freebie. While it was somewhat amusing (I love lists of all sorts- probably my OCD kicking in), I think I'm glad I didn't actually pay anything for it.