It's World Juggling Day!

I never got the hang of juggling. I'm just not coordinated enough. I do enjoy watching it though!

10 Random Questions Answered

Gail Carriger, one of my blogging/writing idols, posted these on her blog last week. Here are my answers!

1. As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Well, I'm not sure I've grown up yet, but I went from actress, to writer, to morning show DJ, to wrestler (actually did that one, briefly), to anything but what I am now...LOL. I'm not sure what I want to be anymore. Except a princess. I'll always want to be a princess!

2. What is your favorite food-related memory?
So many good memories in my life center around food! Here are two, one for each of my parents:
1. Daddy used to work for a chain called Jack's Steak House that had really good chocolate cake. I was in 2nd/3rd grade then. If I had been good, he would bring home a piece of cake when he came in for the night (He'd get home between 1030-1100) and I was allowed to get up and watch Odd Couple re-runs with him while I ate my cake.
2. Mom & I went to England for my 32nd birthday. On the actual day, we took a day-trip to Bath & Stonehenge. We had our first official British tea in a little tea-house in Bath. (not Sally Lunn's- couldn't get near it, but the little place we wound up in was charming!) I discovered the joys of clotted cream that day!

3. Summer or winter?
Winter. I just can't deal with summer heat, despite the fact that I was born & raised in the American South and it's pretty much a year round thing. Actually, I prefer moderate spring/fall weather to just about anything.

4. Proudest five-minutes-of-fame moment?
I won a best lips contest at a screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. We'll go with that.

5. What is your most irrational fear?
Not really irrational- I'm terrified of blindness & suffocation.

6. Favorite holiday destination?
ENGLAND!!!

7. What singer / band did you see at your first concert?
Eeep. I'm not entirely sure anymore. Does going to see my friend Peter's band in high school count? If not, I'll go with Garth Brooks in the early 90's. Not sure it's right, but it's one of my most vivid concert memories! (as talked about here)

8. What’s the worst lie you ever told?
"I've just got the flu."

9. Which teacher had the biggest impact on you?
My 8th grade English/Social Studies teacher taught me not to try to answer questions in her class. She asked us what amendment freed the slaves. Nobody in my class knew. I had read the chapter we were supposed to, but couldn't remember for sure if it was the 13th or 14th. (it's the 13th, BTW. I will NEVER forget that for the rest of my life) Anyway, I was brave enough to guess and got treated to a thirty minute diatribe about how disgraceful it was that I didn't know the amendment that set my people free. And another 5 minutes about being a smart ass when she paused for breath & I told her it only set half of them free, thank you very much.

My 10th grade Spanish teacher was a better influence. She was a big lady, and saw how uncomfortable I was in my own skin. She tried to teach me to appreciate myself as I was, and got me involved in the school student council. I'll never forget her for that. Sadly she died of cancer a few years ago. I regret that I never went back and told her how much she meant to me.

10. If you won a million bucks, what would you spend it on?
My parents get a house wherever they want it and then I'm taking the rest and going straight to England.

A Quote That Made Me Snicker

From the article "how not to apologize" by Marjorie Ingall in the June 2014 issue of Real Simple:

"I'm sorry that it was impossible to ignore the incessant yapping of your undersocialized feral hell beast."

Random Thought for the Day

Ink pens & lighters are two of the commonly most stolen items in the world. Both are made by BIC. Coincidence?!?

Where has my brain gone?

As you may have noticed, I haven't posted much again lately. There have been some things going on worth posting to me, I just haven't had the time/energy to do anything about them. I'll try to work on that over the next few weeks.

Mostly as a reminder for myself, but also as a sort of teaser for anyone interested, upcoming posts will feature:

1. Going to a Neil Gaiman signing. (He's lovely)

2. Going to a house concert featuring Evie Laden & Keith Terry

3. My job has tried to kill me again, aka the moldy money story

4. British DVD's and how I'm too broke to buy them but do it anyway

5. My jackass brother is coming to visit...yay

6. Why I hate storms & wish my neighbor would just cut that damned tree down already

7. Contests, past & present

8. Games and how I get utterly addicted to them

9. Swedish murder mysteries (Camilla Lackberg)

10. S.T.A.R.E. & S.A.B.L.E. (STITCHY STUFF)

Closet Confessions

So, I've been trying to get the clutter in the house under control again. I weeded a lot of stuff out of my wardrobe last year, but there's still way more clothing than I need scattered around my house.

Like most people, I hate doing laundry. If I manage to wash & dry a load, it rarely gets folded/hung and put away. As a result, I often find myself getting dressed in the utility room. Much to the amusement of the neighbor behind me, if I've forgotten to lower the blind out there.

It also creates a spending issue. I have more socks & underwear than anybody needs. Why? Because I get frustrated trying to root through the piles of clean laundry to find either item so I find myself buying more on a trip to Walmart. And when the hell did the price of underwear double?!? I bought some last year for $6.97. Looked at the same package over the weekend and it was $11.97. But I digress...

Now that the season seems to be trying to change, I need to sort the cold weather clothes out and store them. First I need to find them all...which means excavating Laundry Mountain. My first stab at this revealed a mound of pajama bottoms (another vice), 5000 unmatched socks, the bra I've been looking for for at least 6 weeks, most of my tie-dyed t-shirt collection, and the blanket I thought I'd given to my dad. Then I unearthed a treasure trove of underwear, the old cat bed, 2 tennis balls, and a pair of jeans I haven't worn in ages.

Sadly, all of that was just the top layer. The pile was almost as tall as me, so there's quite a way to go. I realized that it wouldn't do any good to sort it out if I didn't have anywhere to put it all, so I stopped there and went to look at my closet & dresser. Oy. I have a drawer full of paired socks. And a huge bag of socks to be mated, not counting the ones I just rediscovered. Many of them have holes- I'm tough on socks for some reason- but I hang onto them anyway. Why? Because I'm nuts. So, off to ruthlessly weed out the holey socks, and for that matter the underwear with no elastic and more holes than there should be. We won't even go into the bra drawer.

Lost interest in that project after 1 CD. (That's how I make myself get things done. I put a CD on and tell myself I have to do whatever the job is until it ends) So I started poking through the closet. Anybody want a pair of denim overalls that create a stunning camel-toe effect? How about a Duran Duran t-shirt I bought on Ebay that turned out to be a cheap rag that the seller ironed a bad transfer on so you can't tell who's who? Why do I still own 7 black lace tops? And what am I going to do with a blue satin ballgown skirt I got for $2 at Goodwill? (It does fit, though)

Will someone call the crew at Hoarders for me, please? I think I need more help...

187 Men To Avoid- Dan/Danielle Brown

There isn't much to this- just a list of the types of men a single woman should avoid. Examples include:

Men who "just want to be friends."

Men who think farting is cute.

Men who burn fake logs.


Part of me can't help thinking that a similar book written about women would probably have never been published. Also, I wonder what it says about me that some of the categories listed in the Men book apply to me?

FYI- I don't think farting is cute, but it can be funny as hell. One side of my family views it as a contact sport, so family gatherings are pungent, yet entertaining.

Party Like A Rock Star

I'm always amused when somebody gets wind of the outrageous demands made by celebrities before they will deign to make an appearance somewhere. Lady Gaga has triggered the latest bout of stories with her demands for white leather sofas among other things. Jen of www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com posted what would be her list of demands and asked her readers what theirs would be. So, with a little thought, here are some of mine:

1. A case of ice cold Nestle Pure Life Water.

2. A gallon of strong, iced coffee

3. Dark chocolate covered almonds on a silver salver

4. A crystal bowl filled with Fererro Rocher candies

5. Bouquets of purple flowers in each corner of the room and on a table in the center of the room

6. A Cheesesteak & Ham Sandwich from the original J Michael's Philly Deli in Wilmington NC

7. A case of ice cold Dr Pepper in glass bottles

8. A cool, dark, quiet room for me to rest in when I grow weary of the hangers-on, equipped with a queen-sized pillowtop bed made with jersey sheets, a fluffy duvet, and equipped with 6 pillows of varying thickness.

9. A handsome dark haired male assistant with either blue or green eyes and a melodious British/Scottish/Irish accent

10. A chinese buffet that includes Mongolian Beef, potstickers, and shredded pork with green beans.

11. A jacuzzi with 3 black and 3 purple beach towels

12. A selection of Regency Era romances, Mystery novels, and Steampunk novels with a good light to read by.

13. A funnel cake fryer, manned by another British hunk

14. A personal masseuse

15. A sound system playing soft jazz in the background.


I could keep going, but I think that's enough silliness for now. Sadly, if I wasn't so lazy/broke, I could have some of those things in my daily life. LOL

The sentence that made me snort iced coffee over my monitor...

Taken from a story about food tv on the Guardian UK website:

Making Michel Roux Snr do an omelette challenge is like making Beethoven fart a sonata through a kazoo.

My Ideal Bookshelf

This was a fun read where people from various walks of life are asked what books would be on their ideal bookshelf and provide a brief narrative explaining their choices. Artist Jane Mount then draws a lovely image of what the shelf would look like, and she captures the real covers of some of the books VERY well.

The Property Room 12 Days of Christmas

On the 1st day of Christmas, the police brought to me:


A protester chained to a tree

On the 2nd day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

2 search warrants & a protester chained to a tree

On the 3rd day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

3 crack pipes, 2 search warrants, and a protester chained to a tree

On the 4th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

4 broken tasers, 3 crack pipes, 2 search warrants, and a protester chained to a tree.

On the 5th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

FIVE DEFACED GUNS,

4 broken tasers, 3 crack pipes, 2 search warrants, and a protester chained to a tree.

On the 6th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

6 meth heads tweaking, FIVE DEFACED GUNS, 4 broken tasers, 3 search warrants, 2 crack pipes and a protester chained to a tree.


On the 7th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:
7 copper pipes, 6 meth heads tweaking, FIVE DEFACED GUNS, 4 broken tasers, 3 search warrants, 2 crack pipes and a protester chained to a tree.

On the 8th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

8 keys of cocaine, 7 copper pipes, 6 meth heads tweaking, FIVE DEFACED GUNS, 4 broken tasers, 3 search warrants, 2 crack pipes and a protester chained to a tree.

On the 9th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

9 giant weed plants, 8 keys of cocaine, 7 copper pipes, 6 meth heads tweaking, FIVE DEFACED GUNS, 4 broken tasers, 3 search warrants, 2 crack pipes and a protester chained to a tree.

On the 10th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

10 grow operations, 9 giant weed plants, 8 keys of cocaine, 7 copper pipes, 6 meth heads tweaking, FIVE DEFACED GUNS, 4 broken tasers, 3 search warrants, 2 crack pipes and a protester chained to a tree

On the 11th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

11 drug lord’s cell phones, 10 grow operations, 9 giant weed plants, 8 keys of cocaine, 7 copper pipes, 6 meth heads tweaking, FIVE DEFACED GUNS, 4 broken tasers, 3 search warrants, 2 crack pipes and a protester chained to a tree.



On the 12th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

12 bags of pills, 11 drug lord’s cell phones, 10 grow operations, 9 giant weed plants, 8 keys of cocaine, 7 copper pipes, 6 meth heads tweaking, FIVE DEFACED GUNS, 4 broken tasers, 3 search warrants, 2 crack pipes and a protester chained to a tree.



Some liberties were taken with regards as to what we do/do not take here, but all in all, I'm pretty pleased with this. I expect they'll be singing it around the department for years to come. Heh.

Things I Hate About Winter

1. My office maintains an average temp of 50 below and it is not an uncommon sight to see us in parkas & fingerless gloves while we try to handle evidence.

2. The homeless people who get arrested so that they'll have somewhere warm to sleep. I don't begrudge them getting shelter, however misguidedly, but I hate that Corrections won't take their bags so that WE are forced to deal with the (often stinky) mess. And the cranky people that then have to hike 4-5 miles to our office to reclaim their stuff.

3. The cold weather plays hell with my arthritic knees & back.

4. The nasty slushy mess that makes driving in Louisville an even more hazardous task after the first snowfall starts to melt.

5. Every stray cat in the neighborhood comes to roost under my house, often mating under my bedroom floor. Glad they're warm and somewhat safe, wish they weren't homeless to begin with.

6. My little black cat loses her mind and races around the house, often shrieking madly, until I snap and threaten to kill her.

7. My father gets VERY grumpy about the cold weather, making my mother crazy, in turn making me even crazier.

8. Listening to holiday music ad nauseum EVERYWHERE I go.

9. The office holiday party.  Almost nobody ever really wants one, but there's always some gung-ho idiot who just HAS to organzize one. I put my foot down last year- no presents for the jackholes I work with, no special treats, and since I'm not participating, I'm not cleaning it up. Expect a repeat performance this year.

10. The politically correct police who insist  "We should say Happy Holidays so that everyone will feel included!" and those who argue that "Christ is the reason for the season" and "You cain't take Christ out of Christmas!" Here's my take on the issue- SHUT UP, celebrate the way you are comfortable, and don't force your views on the rest of the world. If someone gives you a holiday greeting that's different from your view, just smile, thank them, and be grateful that anyone is speaking to your sorry ass in the first place.

Things I Like About Winter

1. I get to sleep under 500 blankets. I don't know what it is about sleeping under a ton of covers, but having the weight of blankets on me is very comforting. Odd, considering my minor claustrophobia, but there you have it.

2. I get to wear my flannel PJ's and fuzzy slippers

3. My asthma symptoms almost disappear in the winter months.

4. Hot Chocolate!

5. Hot Spiced Cider!

6. It's finally cool enough to bake without dying of heat exposure in my little kitchen.  (Weight loss tip 5833- I tend to take most of the goodies to work or give them to friends so I don't wind up eating an entire rum cake or batch of cookies by myself. )

7. Comfort food! Thick chewy homemade noodles in broth, creamy casseroles, roast beef and baked ham.

8. The calm quietness that fills the air after the first silvery snowfall blankets the ground.

9. Wrapping up in a comforter on the couch and having a sleeping cat snoring softly in my lap while I read and sip hot tea.

10. All the pert skinny little bimbos who pranced around in skimpy clothing the rest of the year now have to cover that shit up. HALLELUJAH!

Two Lumps strike again...

I know I reviewed their books a few weeks ago, but this strip had to be shared. Go check out www.twolumps.net for more of the madness, and I hope James & Mel will forgive me for reposting this:

Questions I Find Myself Asking All Too Often

Some random, some with reason, all true...

FYI: W= asked at work, H= home, B= both

What's that smell? (B, and all too often, unfortunately)

How did my boobs get bigger when I've lost 47 pounds?!?

What's your name? (W)

Could you spell that, please? (W)

What's your report number? (W)

Was this anywhere that is going to require me to wear gloves BEFORE I touch it? (W)

WHY didn't you tell me that BEFORE I touched it?!? (W)

Do I have to? (B)

Where's your brother/sister? (usually a rhetorical question for the cats, but sometimes applies at work)

Did you see the new patterns by ?

Where is my stapler? (W)

Where are all of my pens? (B)

Why did I agree to this? (B)

When did I agree to this? (B)

Are you sure you turned it in? (W)

Do you speak English? (W)

Are you talking to me? (everywhere)

Do you know what you want yet? (usually to my father in a restaurant)

Do I look like an idiot? (B)

Are you hungry? (B)

Will you please go away? (B)

If I promise to miss you, will you go away? (W)

Can I go away?

What's that noise? (B)

Will you please go get me a Dr Pepper? (W)

Do I look/sound like I care? (B)


Is anyone reading this blog or am I just amusing myself? :-)

What are you listening to?

The first dozen songs offered up by my MP3 player today:

Rob Zombie: Blitzkrieg Bop

Duran Duran: Hungry Like the Wolf

Rick Springfield: State of the Heart

38 Special- What If I'd Been the One (to say goodbye)

Joe Diffie: So Help Me Girl

Limp Bizkit: Break Stuff (which totally summed up my mood for today)

Estelle ft/Kanye West- American Boy

Bon Jovi- It's My Life

Fatboy Slim w/Groove Armada- I See You Baby

Donna Summer- On the Radio

Monkees- Take a Giant Step

Def Leppard: Pour Some Sugar On Me

I think this originally came from the good folks at the I Can Has Cheezburger sites. I pinched it from Gail Carriger's blog on Goodreads. I'd love to give credit to the original source, but have no idea who that might be, but would like to categorically state that I cannot/do not claim this as my own work in any way/shape/form. I just thought it was too funny not to share:

I have lost my freaking mind

I just let my best friend talk me into entering a contest to go see these guys on tour. We have to dress up like KISS and send in photos. I agreed, but only if we could make her husband go as Gene Simmons. LOL. He's going to kill us both.

I think I'm going to go with the Cat face. Costumes are going to be a bit trickier...



 This was too cute not to throw in.



We'll see how it goes. Pictures may or may not be forthcoming.


**once again, thanks to Google Images for the pictures posted above

Me, superstitious? Nah

London Pride- Valerie Colin-Russ

Is anyone really surprised that I adore this little gem of a book? As the author states, it's not a complete listing of every single lion to be found in London, but it's pretty darned comprehensive nonetheless. Having something of a lion fixation, I'm always delighted to come across them in seemingly random places, and I had a very good time spotting them on my trip to London 10 years (sob) ago.