Life goes on...

I'm still here. Still posting (or not, as you've seen) from my tablet, so this will be brief.

1. Removing myself from Facebook was one of the smartest things I have done in a long time. I miss the contact with quite a few of my friends, but it has lowered my stress levels considerably. I may resume at the end of the year, but will be leaving the remainder of my fangirl groups as not being obsessed is working well for me. Also, I gave gotten a LOT more reading done.

2. Was anyone surprised that the British Twit & the Toxic Twat didn't make it past the end of the summer? No, I haven't renewed my interest in him, but the breakup story was everywhere. I did, however, laugh my ass off.

3. New love of my life. One of the younger grey cats in the feral colony has a kitten. She is the most adorable little thing! She's so cute when I see her tumbling around in the yard. I am able to pet her & pick her up- Mama knows I'm friendly- but I don't do it too long so that she & Mama won't get nervous. I'm hoping to bring one or both of them indoors once she's a little bigger. Not sure how Shady & Boo will feel about it.

4. Guess this should have been #3. Remy got out after my last post. He'd escaped once before & it took me nearly 2 weeks to find him. It only took 2 days this time. I went straight to the neighbor whose yard I found him in last time. Sure enough, he was lolling in their window. I rang the bell & we talked about it. They begged to keep him. He & Boo had never been separated before his first escape, but they both seemed to be quite happy apart. In fact, Boo beat the hell out of him when I brought him home the first time, and was quite nasty for several days. So I let them keep him on the condition that he gets returned to me if something happens & they gave to give him up. In the meantime, Boo has turned into quite a cuddlebug.

5. In a moment of insanity, I agreed to drive my parents to NC again for Dad's birthday. And once again had to sic the union on my bosses to get a freaking Friday off. You'd think they'd learn after the last *3* times, but nooooooo... The Major that the union rep talked to was disgusted. "She's asked for 3 Fridays in the last year and a half and they think *that's* unreasonable?!? And she's had to file a grievance each time?" I'm sure it's a coincidence that the Hamster is suddenly being sent to management training classes, but it does make you wonder...

OK, this was more than I meant to type & I'm getting a headache squinting at this thing. More later.

The New Kids At Work Aren't Getting Any Smarter

The following conversation took place a few days ago:

Conversation with me and Officer Dimwit

Me: What do you have?

OD: *deer in the headlights look*

M: *slowly* What. Do. You. Have?

OD: (clutching citation & duffle bag) Um, a bag?

M: (resisting urge to slap him) Is it evidence or personal property?

OD: Ummmmm

M: You have to pick one.

OD: *hesitantly* Well, they wouldn’t take it at the jail…

M: So, it’s personal property then?

OD: Ummm, no it’s for safekeeping.

M: *barely resisting the urge to facepalm in front of him* Yes, that’s what personal property means.

OD: *blank look*

M: Does it contain any food, money, or medication?

OD: *blank look*

M: *repeats question*

OD: Ummm, no there’s no food or money.

M: What about medication?

OD: *Another blank look*

M: *wearily* Dude, work with me. Is there any medication in the bag?

OD: *suddenly brightly* Oh, you mean drugs?!?

M: *weeping silently inside my head* Yes. Got any?!?

OD: Um, gee, I don’t think so…

We repeated this process when I asked about electronics like cell phones or e-readers. It took 20 minutes just to get that much out of him. Then I had to all but beg for the citation. He had a death grip on the bag and the paperwork and it was like he wasn’t actually going to give me either of them.

Where are they getting these people?!?

How I feel at work most nights

Dummies of the Week

My job never fails to provide moments of hilarity, however unintentional. Here are the winners of the Blooming Idiot award for the last week:


The winner-Idiot 1: Officers are involved in a pursuit of subject on a stolen moped. Subject leaps off moped, causing it to crash in someone's yard and takes off on foot, with several officers in hot pursuit. Believe it or not, THIS isn't our winner. No, our winner jumps off the porch of the house next door to the crash and tries to take off on the already stolen moped, not realizing that 2 officers had abandoned the pursuit in order to secure the recovered stolen property. The dumbfounded officers watched him pick up the moped, sit down & start it up, and let him get about 6 feet before unceremoniously yanking him off it and arresting him. Oh, and he had a pocketful of dope on him, to boot.


Honorable Mention- Idiot 2: Officer responds to call of person in distress in fast food restaurant bathroom. Subject has come out of bathroom and is wobbling around in parking lot when officer arrives. Subject is quite clearly under the influence of something. When asked if he'd taken anything, he produced a bottle of bath salts from his pocket and asked the officer to taste them and tell him if they seemed off because he doesn't think they sold him the right thing. Officer declined and transported the idiot to the hospital, and then to jail.

Yep, it's Derby Time again...

I'm out here at the track as the mobile property clerk. I had to come in at 7 this morning, which was NOT pretty!

Anyway, to keep myself entertained, I've come up with a Fashion Victim Bingo chart. We'll see how many I've checked off by the end of the day.

1. Man in seersucker suit with visible underwear lines.

2. Man in seersucker suit with lack of underwear clearly visible.

3. Woman with skirt that could double for headband.

4. Woman with more material in her hat than in her entire outfit.

5. Group of frat boy types in coordinating ugly plaid shorts.

6. Woman wearing heels too high with skirt too short.

7. Anyone wearing ugly novelty hat.

8. Drunk guy without pants. (Seriously, I have seen this. They usually lose them fighting in the infield)

9. Couple who have taken the matchy matchy look WAY too far.

10. Trifecta- woman in hat too big, heels too tall, dress that provides inadequate coverage on both ends.

Chech back later to see how I did!z

Banging my head into the wall on a near daily basis...

So, my brother in law, Eddie, passed away last weekend. The funeral is this coming weekend, in NC. We're leaving around 6 tomorrow night. 12-16 hours, each way, in the car with my parents. To top it off, I get to share a hotel room with them for the weekend. FML

On the plus side, I'll be away from the office for almost a week. Speaking of which...

The newest crop of department rookies has hit the street, and they are dumber than dirt. Seriously. We've already nominated them "the class most likely to have it's members accidentally shoot themselves or be shot with their own weapons." My friend Dave is training one that got a call for them to respond to an accident. He asked her how long she thought it would take them to get from their current location to the accident scene. (it was less than a mile away) She told him, "About 15 minutes," and then proceeded to get lost. It took them an hour to get there. This is with a GPS, an MDT with internet connection, and 2 smartphones in the car. Dave started texting their Sgt after the 3rd wrong turn she took and asked him to meet them at the scene. He tried to gently steer her in the right direction, but she snapped at him that she was doing fine and he let it go. When they finally arrived, the unamused Sgt told Dave to write her up. She told the Sgt that she didn't know why they were taking the call anyway since it wasn't their beat. (Dave went face down into the dashboard at that point) It WAS their beat, BTW.

Well today, the girl got lost on the third call. Dave took over driving, took her back to the division and told her to get out of the car and go buy herself a Mapsco guide to Louisville. Her instructions included "Come back to the division after you get the book and let me know to come pick you up." That was at 4:30. He came to see me at 5:45 and was here for almost an hour. He texted me at 7:04 to say that she'd finally found her way back to the division.

Somehow it makes me feel better to know that it's not just me...

Damn Fools.

I swear, one of these days I'm going to learn not to work double shifts! Anyway, here's the highlight of my night so far:

Division beat officers had to serve mental inquest warrant on an elderly Bosnian lady who barely speaks English. When they got her to the hospital, the staff discovered a grocery bag in her purse that was stuffed with money…which they refused to be responsible for. Instead of taking back to her home or giving it to her social worker, they brought it here for safekeeping.

Mentally ill or not, that woman needed a whack upside the head. So did her damn social worker. I counted 86,740 frikking dollars in that bag! The officer who brought it down kept apologizing- her beat partner was too chickenshit to come down with it and pawned it off on her. She had NO idea it was that much.

That was 7:30-8:00. Around midnight, the jackass who sent it down called and wanted to know if he could come get it out and take it back to the social worker & husband who were worried about where it was. I called that fool every damned thing I could think of and may have invented a few new words.

I don't love my job anymore, but I *DO* need the flipping insurance...

Is this year over yet?

Yeah, I know it's only the beginning of the year, but I'm ready for it to be over. Why?

1. I'm still waiting for the specialist my doctor referred me to. After my last post RE: medical crap, Dr B. called to tell me that my blood count was abnormally low and I needed a stomach scope as well as the colonoscopy because I appear to be bleeding internally. He's concerned, I'm concerned, apparently the internist doesn't care.

2. I also have to go to the gyno (something I've avoided for years because it's painful & humiliating) because I may have fibroids. (another possibility for my blood loss) Turns out 3 of my four sisters had them, very badly, and had to have hysterectomies. Yay.

3. My mom's favorite cousin passed away New Year's Day and was buried on Mom & Dad's 45th anniversary. We couldn't get to the funeral.

4. Dad & Uncle John have both decided to discontinue their physical therapy. Uncle John can get away with it because he'd been going for 5 months. Dad has gone twice. We're not letting him get away with quitting now. I told him that he has to go at least 2 more sessions.

5. My sister Sandra's husband, who was hospitalized for congestive lung failure the day Daddy had his surgery, is dying. His doctors have told him to go ahead and get his affairs in order and say he can go at any time.

Add the usual work follies to the mess and I'm done.

This is what happens when I work a double shift and the office is TOO DAMN HOT

So, around the beginning of the shift, I posted on Facebook that the office was too hot and if it didn't start cooling off, I was taking off my pants. (I did NOT mention the shorts I had in my car to change into)

The responses to that ranged from "Whoo-hoo!" (thank you, Martin) to "Pictures or we don't believe you." (Be careful what you ask for)

About 3 hours later the temperature had actually RISEN 3 degrees, so the jeans came off. The shorts went on, and to amuse my friends, I took and posted a picture of my legs propped up on the desk. (From mid-thigh down so it looks like I'm running around the office in my underwear)

About 30 seconds after I posted it, my cell phone started ringing, the office phone started ringing, and my FB feed went nuts. The smarter of my friends figured it out, but still thought it was hysterically funny, especially as I've been in a very down cycle lately.
The more obnoxious of my officer friends started calling people and telling them to look at it. I've also been informed that a van load of guys on a stakeout nearly blew their cover when one found it and screamed "Holy shit, Mickey has lost her motherf'ing mind and is getting nekkid in the property room!!!" Amusingly enough, HIS SGT. was one of the first people to respond online.

So, if nothing else, I have at least had some fun tonight and made it go by a little quicker. And I'm sure I'll get an earful from my bosses on Monday...except for the one on my friends list who is probably choking on his beer.

If I ever figure out how to add photos to my blog, I'll share that shot. :-)

This sums up my job

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First "Dear Officer" post of the year!

Not that I haven't had plenty of fodder for one sooner than this, but I'm doing batches of disposals again and coming across the same stupid spelling errors. I realize that our officers have a LOT of stuff that they're supposed to try to remember, but basic spelling should NOT be a problem. Also, some of my coworkers may be to blame, but we'll just blame the kids in blue for now.


Dear Officer,


Let's play a spelling game!

Steroids come in:

A. a vial
b. a vile
c. a veil
d. a viel

You inject them with:

A. a needle
b. a neddle
c. a needel
d. a neidle

Those lovely little pills that are often abused but are supposed to tranquilize your mood are called:

A. Xanax
b. zanax
c. zanix
d. xannix

Security camera footage is also known as:

A. surveillance
b. survailance
c. survellance
d. surveylance


That illicitly traded pain killer is called:

A. Lortab
b. loratab
c. loritab
d. luratab

Another word for money is:

A. Currency
b. curenncy
c. cureincy
d. currincy


If you answered anything other than A to any of these questions, please report to the nearest elementary school for Basic Spelling classes. Thank you.

February in My Office in a Nutshell

Freaks

Freezing

Fire

Flood

Frying

Falling concrete


Sadly, I am not making ANY of this up.

Still here...sort of

The last few months have been filled with drama & trauma, but things seem to be levelling out again. I hope to resume blogging regularly. A short list of what's been going on:

1. Dad's 80th birthday party trip.

2. Iowa family gathering

3. I was hospitalized twice due to blood pressure issues (not fun)

4. The usual work drama, only I didn't get blamed for everything for a change and someone else got into serious trouble. (HAH!)

5. I played Candy Crush so obsessively that I reached the final (as of now) level and am dying of impatience as I wait for them to create more.


I've also read a ton of books that need to be reviewed and done a little cross-stitching.

More soon, I hope!

The Dear Officer Files

Dear Officer:

I see it's time to remind some of you morons of the following:

1. YES, you need a report number for anything you deposit with us. It is not our fault if you are not smart enough to tell Dispatch that you need a number for found or personal property, it doesn't get marked, and Reports harrasses you for the next six months.

2. DO NOT attempt to hand me a needle that is not in a safety tube. Should you manage to do it without sticking me, I will still break a foot off in your ass.

3. PLEASE tell us if ANYTHING you are handing us is sticky/has blood on it/anything you would not want your sister/wife/daughter touching with their bare hands. It is not funny to us and watching you laugh at our disgusted/panicked reactions when we've been exposed to god-knows-what is not going to help the situation.

4. DO NOT bring in something oversized/heavy and think you're going to waltz out without helping us move it to a storage location.

5. If you are a repeat offender for any of the things above or other issues named in previous "Dear Officer" letters, don't ask us why we're never happy when you come in. We'll tell you.


Disgustedly,

The Angry Amazon

What I Do When I'm Not Attempting To Blog

1. Spend way more time at my job than I would like to. Yes, I get paid OT for it, but that gets old after a while and taxes eat more of it than it's worth. We've been short 2 clerks in my office for a year now and it's beginning to wear us all out.

2. Eat junk that I shouldn't. Discovered Bacon Jerky - yes, you read that correctly- at World Market last week and have had to remind myself that it's too expensive and too bad for me to buy/eat regularly.

3. Spend money like a drunken sailor on shore leave. Working on cutting that down too. Hit the DMC sale at Joann Fabrics last week and now have enough floss to stitch a battleship. Also hit sales at B&N, Target, World Market...you get the idea.

4. Play video games on my phone. I should NEVER have upgraded to a smartphone. My 3 current addicitons are Bejewled Blitz, Candy Crush, and Angry Birds Star Wars.

5. Spend time with my parents. I took my dad to an Ohio Valley Wrestling TV taping while I was on vacation and it was hysterically awful. The highlight of the evening was the wrestler in the full length pink bunny suit...don't ask. At least one of the announcers is a Monty Python fan, because he lost it when I screamed "Activate Vorpal Bunny Powers!" Mom & I spent a day at the pool and got totally sunburnt.

6. Sing songs to my cats. Yes, I'm special.

7. Attempt to do things around the house. Something else from my vacation- I hung the London print that I got for my birthday. Then I decided that my bathroom needed work, so I put in a new shower caddy tower, a new curtain rod, and a new etagere. The rest of the house is still a wreck, but my bathroom looks nice!

8. READ! I have a ton of books that I would like to post reviews for...someday. Will work on that too!

9. Listen to music- my current new favorite is Five Finger Death Punch. One officer friend borrowed my car the other day and came back shaking his head. He'd looked at the cd's in the car. In addition to the 5FDP, I had the latest Buddy Guy, a Kelly CLarkson, Rick Springfield, Halestorm, and Barry Manilow. "You are a strange woman...you know that, right?" Well, DUH.

10. Watch dvd's if I'm not reading or stitching. I just got the first season of Elementary in the mail today, so i'm looking forward to settling down with it. I may not get to watch it until next week since I'm working all weekend, but I'm looking forward to it all the same.

More later...

Close Encounters of the Moldy Kind

So, at the beginning of July, they tried to kill me at work. 

It was a Thursday night that I was working alone and had been extremely busy. Then the 1st division Flex squad showed up with a search warrant. Warrants are fiddly, time-consuming, and usually a colossal pain in the ass because they collect everything they can get their hands on ESPECIALLY if it's a drug case...we've had furniture brought in because it "was probably bought with drug money."

This wasn't too bad as search warrants go...until I got to the money. I knew something wasn't right as soon as I touched it. A wave of sour, stale moldiness wafted up to assault my nose and the money was damp & sticky. "Was this in a basement or something?" The detective turning it in looked down and mumbled something about a safe.

Well, the bills were sticking together something awful and I kept having to recount them. The smell got worse with every recount and by the time I was done, I was a sneezing, wheezing, watery-eyed hot mess. AND my hands itched. (I tried wearing gloves but it's really hard to count money with them on, so I gave up)

It took 3 shots of my rescue inhaler, a double dose of antihistamines, and several applications of eye-drops to be able to breathe & see after I got everything packaged & put away. By the time I got home, it felt like there was a lead weight on my chest and my throat was on fire. Was I smart enough to go to the ER? No. However, I WAS smart enough to fill out the exposure forms and email my bosses about the issue before I left the office.

After a VERY bad night, I went into work the next day. Like an idiot. I told our "coordinator" that I was sick and needed to go home and/or see a doctor. Both the Sgt & Lt had taken vacation days and the useless wonder was left in charge. She called around to ask if anyone would come in and at least cover part of the shift. No, dummy, in a case like this, you are allowed to FORCE OT, which is what she would have had to do if I'd just been smart enough to call in sick in the first place. The problem was that she asked them all first (and was not surprisingly turned down), so when she called back to try to force someone in, nobody would answer their phones. (despite knowing that I was sick- my coworkers ARE asshats, in case you were wondering) So she said I'd just have to stay, but if it got too bad to call her and she'd try to come back and cover me herself. Gee, thanks.

Every officer that came in that night was horrified to see me. By 6 o'clock, I was back to wheezing/sneezing, my eyes were watery again, and I looked like someone had punched me in the nose and blackened both of them. Oh, and my relief for the night wandered in 15 minutes late to boot. (bitch)

Did I go to the ER then? Noooooo. (Yes, I am an idiot) I went home, crawled straight into bed and spent the night fighting a fever & chills. I spent most of the weekend in bed, sick as a dog. Monday, I called in sick and dared them to argue. Tuesday morning, I finally went to the doctor. She was horrified and gave me an antibiotic that I have forgotten the name of but was like germ napalm. Not only did it knock out the sinus/throat infection my allergic reaction turned into, it cleared up acne!

It took nearly two weeks for me to get back to what passes for normal in my life. In the meantime, my bosses quizzed the detective who finally, albeit reluctantly, admitted that the money hadn't been in a safe, but was hidden inside the gaps of cinder-blocks in the drug dealer's foundation."But none of us had a problem after WE handled it!" Yeah, well none of YOU has a compromised immune system AND major mold allergies. Asses were ripped, apologies were issued, and the tellers at the bank were NOT happy to get that moldy money.

Lessons learned:

1. When a detective gives you a sketchy answer, make THEM handle the evidence.

2. GO TO THE FREAKING HOSPITAL

3. I will no longer answer my phone if it's the office. If they need someone to cover a 'sick' coworker, tough shit. I sucked up, they can too.


*****************************************************************
I'm on vacation for the next two weeks. Blog posts will continue to be sporadic.

Thank Goodness That's Over!

Well, Derby Madness is over for another year. The bad weather actually helped lessen the madness this year, but there was still plenty of stupidity out there.

I was taken over to the track at about 10:30 Saturday morning. The first drunk was carried (literally)into the corrections area at 10:45.  He threw up, barely missing my evidence box, and was so wasted that they kept having to hold him up. It was decided that he was actually too drunk for the jail to take him, so he was cited and sent to the hospital.

The second drunk was hauled in at 10:57. He was in slightly better shape than the first one, but kept screaming that he needed to go to the bathroom. They took him to one, and then threw him in the cell. I looked over after a minute and he was naked, waving his shorts in the air. The corrections Lt was not amused and sent 3 guys into the cell to get his clothes back on him.

It got quiet again, so the corrections nurse and I played Fashion Victim Bingo while watching the crowd. I will never understand why idiot women wear dresses that are too short & too tight with heels that are too high and think that their clothing choices are impervious to rain. Also amusing were the large number of men in white pants that turned see-through in the rain. Next year, I bet they wear underwear!

It was quiet for an unusually long time. Then the belligerant drunks started rolling in. These are the guys who never know why they've been locked up and want to argue about it. Mr. My Daddy Is Rich was the ringleader and had the entire cell carrying on. He informed us repeatedly that "My dad makes more in a week than you poor assholes make in a year!" I couldn't take it, and after 30 minutes of that I informed him that his father may be rich, but he's the asshole in the cell and I was willing to bet dear old Dad was gonig to be less than thrilled to pay the $ to get him out. This sent his cellmates into hysterics and they spent the rest of the time before they were loaded into the booking van for their trip downtown picking on him.

Then the violent drunks started rolling in. We had two that they literally had to hog-tie. The worse offender of the two was an enraged, drunk, redneck woman. (who turned out to be my neighbor's sister- small world) She managed to throw the table we were using as a counter, despite being handcuffed, and kicked everyone within reach. (luckily not me) Corrections quickly closed the garage door so the public wouldn't view this (our area was right by the main gate) and six of them took her down to the floor. It was special.  They had to carry her screaming, face down, hog tied, and still trying to kick everyone, to the booking van.

So, that was my Derby day. Oh, and one of the horses I bet on won! It was a last minute decision to bet on Orb (the horse I wanted to bet was scratched), but it worked out. I only won $25 (small bet), but I won. Now if the horse that was in the lead until close to the end had kept his lead, I would have won $250. Damn it. Happens every time.

My cousins were so amused by my Facebook posts from the track that they want to come to Derby next year. I told them to bring it on!

Once More With Feeling

Here we go again. We have a new crop of rookie officers that have just been turned loose on the street. They actually aren't the problem- it's some of the officers who have been on long enough to know better that inspired this round of the Dear Officer files.

Dear Officer:

1. What part of DO NOT SHOVE LOOSE NEEDLES UNDER THE WINDOW do you not understand?!? THERE IS A FREAKING SIGN IN THE WINDOW IN BOLD CAPS THAT SAYS TO ASK FOR A SAFETY TUBE IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE. And if I get stuck by a needle that you were too stupid to contain, BOTH of us will be going to the hospital.

2. Our office develops a wind tunnel effect when the temperature shifts drastically. This has not changed in the last 7 years. If you notice that the wind blows every time someone opens the damned door, or we tell you to hold onto your papers/evidence, HOLD ONTO YOUR SHIT. Especially if it's an unwrapped needle as mentioned above.

3. We know it's hot in our office. It's not necessary or clever to point it out to us. 

4. We know the office reeks of marijuana thanks to our lame ventilation system. It's not necessary or clever to point THAT out to us either.

5. We know that everyone has different tastes, different work habits, and we relate to different people in different ways. Some officers prefer one clerk to another. THIS is fine. Telling the clerk who is waiting on your dumb ass that you think her coworker is the best clerk and you wish she was there instead is NOT fine and WILL get your shit handed back to you with a request that you come back when THAT clerk is working. 

6. Yes, you need to fill out a currency seizure form AND a forfeiture form if the money you are turning in is drug related. NO, WE WILL NOT FILL IT OUT FOR YOU.

7. Do not get an attitude with us if we tell you to stop flapping your yap and pay attention. We need information to do our job. If you don't bring in a citation, or don't bring in a legible citation, we need you to be able to answer some questions. This can't happen if you're talking on your cell phone or shooting the shit with whoever is waiting in line after you. 

8. Don't get an attitude with us if you don't follow rule 7 and something isn't entered the way you wanted it. If you'd paid attention, it might have been.

9. While most of the people we come into contact with are less than upstanding citizens, we still have to try to deal with them nicely. If we get the guy YOU pissed off and gave the runaround and he tells us that you claim WE screwed up, we are more than happy to look up the identity of your commanding officer and suggest he call them to correct the issue. If something that should have been personal property got put in as evidence because you were too busy fucking around to follow rule 7, that is YOUR problem, not ours. And we will happily tell the citizen that. You had the chance to tell us that at the beginning of our transaction with you, and in the case of the gun I had to deal with last week, you also should have noticed that when you were handed the envelope to seal and sign. Sometimes we make mistakes and most of us will admit.apologize, but if you try to throw us under the bus, we will drag you along with us.

10. If there is only one clerk working and you come in while they're entering a search warrant for another officer, be prepared to wait. Do not keep asking how much longer this is going to take. You can always leave and come back. If you choose to wait, do not sit out there and complain to other people that we're slow.

There's a great deal more, but that's enough bile for one post.

Stupid Moments in My Employment History, part 4

Although there have been several accountings of stupidity I've encountered at my current job (see anything tagged Dear Officer, for example) here's a story from my first year. Our supervisor at the time was a very nice, but only marginally competent woman (JT) who had been promoted well past the point of her ability simply because there was nobody else who wanted her job. As a result, she would harp on minutiae that she felt was within the range of her competence/control and drive the rest of us crazy. She was notorious for sending out incomprehensible emails and for being cheap & stingy with office supplies. I asked for a pack of post-it notes (she kept all supplies under lock & key in her office) and was asked what I had done with the pad I had been given 6 weeks before. "Um, I used it up and need a new one?" She only had large ones in the stash, so I was told to cut them in half to make them last longer. Seriously.

Another issue with her was the ordering of items we needed to do our jobs. I learned quickly that you had to tell JT we needed to order labels/envelopes/whatever WELL before we ran out or we'd never get them. Of course she'd still drag her feet about ordering whatever you asked for because "There's a whole case of them in the back." One of the worst things was the sharps containers...the plastic safety tubes that we give officers to put needles in so that nobody gets stuck with a possibly (probably) contaminated needle. She would wait until we were completely out and then berate us for not telling her we needed them. *headdesk*

We were in the process of packing & organizing things to be moved into our lovely new space. (sarcasm) One of the jobs I got stuck with was cleaning out a storage closet that only our office had a key to. It was where we kept cases of citations and random other items that we doled out to officers. Usually when she wasn't there to say no- she thought we should keep everything in case someone needed it. The whole point of them asking for stuff was that they DID need it, but that subtlety eluded her. We'd been out of the sharps containers for almost a month and JT kept dragging her feet on ordering more because "we're moving and they might not get here before we go." It's not like having them delivered after we were gone would have been a problem- we'd been in the basement of HQ and someone could easily be sent back there to get them as our new building was only 10 minutes away.

Anyway, as I dragged out boxes of old manuals from the 70's that were covered in dust 6 inches thick, and other crap of that ilk, I made a major discovery. SIX unopened cases of sharps containers! *happydance* I carried them into the office and gleefully cried "Hey, look what I found!!!" My coworkers were thrilled. Our Sgt & new Lt were laughing at our joy. Then JT came in.

"Oh no," she said, horrified. "We can't use those. They might belong to somebody. Go put them back."

She was serious. WHO THE HELL WOULD THEY BELONG TO IF NOT US?!? We were the only ones with a key to that closet. The boxes were covered with dust, had obviously been there a long time, and we needed the damned things. She was adamant that we shouldn't use them because they might belong to another department. Our Lt finally had to type a letter saying he would take responsibility for us using the containers if someone came looking for them and had a fit before she (reluctantly) agreed to let us keep them.

I can't make this stuff up, folks...

Stupid Moments in My Employment History- part 3

This one happened about 18 months into my employment at the current job. I came back from a long weekend and was immediately summoned into the office. I was presented with a write-up form and told to sign it. Um, WTF?

Well, it seems that someone smarted off to an officer that came in to release some property. It was personal property under one name, and he wanted to sign a release for someone else to be able to pick it up. (correct procedure in a case like that) He was told he couldn't do that, the form was thrown away, and the person who was supposed to be able to pick it up was furious when they came down and were told they couldn't have it. They called and complained to the officer's commander, who yelled at him, and he called in the complaint on "me."


I say "me", because I wouldn't have done that. I asked what made them think it was me and was told that the officer gave them my name. I asked when it happened and was told that he came down on Friday (my regular day off at the time) and the complaint was made to his commander and then my supervisor on Monday. (which I had taken off)

I asked if the officer could have been mistaken about who he talked to. "No, he knew your name." Did he actually say it was me? "It had to be you, he knew your name."

I don't work Fridays, so it couldn't have been me. "It HAD to be you. The officer knew your name."

I was in another state on Friday, which is my normal day off, and it couldn't possibly have been me. "Are you saying the officer lied?" No, I'm saying the officer was mistaken about who the clerk involved was becasue I WASN'T HERE. "But he knew your name."

I have SIGNED credit card receipts from the gas stations & restuarants I went to in 4 different states for the 4 days I was off and it couldn't possibly have been me who did this. Give me 24 hours and I can get you video footage of me at the WWE events I was attending and a signed affadavit from Vince Mc Mahon. "But the officer said it was YOU."

Jeebus. Fine. Have the officer come down here and look me in the eye while he tells me that I did that on a day I wasn't in the freaking state. "We can't call officers down here for something like that. They're busy." The hell we can't! I am not going to be railroaded into taking the blame for something it was literally impossible for me to have done and I will not accept being written up for it.

My Sgt at the time overheard the argument and came into the office. SHE called the officer, who it turned out was off that day. She got his home number and called him there. When she finally got him on the phone, she asked him to describe the clerk who had created the problem instead of just giving her name. Lo & behold, the description he gave was NOT of me. It did match a coworker that I had been having problems with. Turns out the officer had our names mixed up. 

I could understand and accept that they would believe it was me on the basis of hearsay. If someone gives you a name, it's logical to think they know who/what they're talking about. But when an employee shows you concrete proof that they were not present for an encounter, WHY would you keep insisting they were at fault instead of trying to find out who actually was?!?  Oh, and the officer even came down later to apologize and told my supervisor that he had the totally wrong clerk.

Why do I stay at jobs where I get treated like this? Because I'm an idiot.