This was originally a 15 question fantasy/scifi/horror meme as seen here, but I decided to make it a general book meme instead.
What was the last book you finished reading?
Live Right & Find Happiness by Dave Barry
What was the last book you did not finish reading?
Just the Sex, Ma'am by Tina Folsom. It was getting repetitive.
What was the last book you read that you liked but most people didn’t?
Not sure, to be honest.
What was the last book you read that you disliked?
Handling the Undead by John Ajvide Lindqvist
How long do your 1-sitting reading sessions usually last?
If I'm at home, a couple of hours.
What are you currently reading?
The Dark Side of the Road by Simon R Green
Do you like it so far?
I only just started it, but yes.
How long ago did you buy the book you are currently reading?
About 2 weeks ago via Amazon.
What was the last physical sf/f/h book you bought?
Jinn & Juice by Nicole Peeler
What is the genre/sub-genre you like to read the most?
My tastes are kind of all over the place. I like cozy mysteries, especially the ones featuring food and/or books. I like Regency era romances. Humorous fantasy/sci-fi.
What is the sf/f/h sub-genre you dislike the most and why?
anything with Zombies. Just don't like them.
What is your favorite electronic reading device?
I have a Kindle Keyboard and I like it much more than I thought I would. It was a gift from a former friend. I never thought I'd want an e-reader, but it IS great for traveling. The poor thing is developing problems now due to it's advanced (in computer terms) age & heavy use, so I'm debating upgrading to a Paperwhite.
What was the last sf/f/h eBook you bought?
Boundary Crossed by Melissa Olson (not my cousin, but I got a huge laugh at the coincidence)
Do you read books exclusively in 1 format (physical/electronic)?
Nope. I'm a reading slut- any format is fine!
Do you read eBooks exclusively on a single device?
Mostly yes. I have my Kindle as mentioned above, but my tablet also has the Kindle app. I use it more for games, but have read a book or two on it while waiting for the Kindle to recharge.
Showing posts with label monday meme. Show all posts
Showing posts with label monday meme. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
Monday, November 26, 2012
Things I Hate About Winter
1. My office maintains an average temp of 50 below and it is not an uncommon sight to see us in parkas & fingerless gloves while we try to handle evidence.
2. The homeless people who get arrested so that they'll have somewhere warm to sleep. I don't begrudge them getting shelter, however misguidedly, but I hate that Corrections won't take their bags so that WE are forced to deal with the (often stinky) mess. And the cranky people that then have to hike 4-5 miles to our office to reclaim their stuff.
3. The cold weather plays hell with my arthritic knees & back.
4. The nasty slushy mess that makes driving in Louisville an even more hazardous task after the first snowfall starts to melt.
5. Every stray cat in the neighborhood comes to roost under my house, often mating under my bedroom floor. Glad they're warm and somewhat safe, wish they weren't homeless to begin with.
6. My little black cat loses her mind and races around the house, often shrieking madly, until I snap and threaten to kill her.
7. My father gets VERY grumpy about the cold weather, making my mother crazy, in turn making me even crazier.
8. Listening to holiday music ad nauseum EVERYWHERE I go.
9. The office holiday party. Almost nobody ever really wants one, but there's always some gung-ho idiot who just HAS to organzize one. I put my foot down last year- no presents for the jackholes I work with, no special treats, and since I'm not participating, I'm not cleaning it up. Expect a repeat performance this year.
10. The politically correct police who insist "We should say Happy Holidays so that everyone will feel included!" and those who argue that "Christ is the reason for the season" and "You cain't take Christ out of Christmas!" Here's my take on the issue- SHUT UP, celebrate the way you are comfortable, and don't force your views on the rest of the world. If someone gives you a holiday greeting that's different from your view, just smile, thank them, and be grateful that anyone is speaking to your sorry ass in the first place.
2. The homeless people who get arrested so that they'll have somewhere warm to sleep. I don't begrudge them getting shelter, however misguidedly, but I hate that Corrections won't take their bags so that WE are forced to deal with the (often stinky) mess. And the cranky people that then have to hike 4-5 miles to our office to reclaim their stuff.
3. The cold weather plays hell with my arthritic knees & back.
4. The nasty slushy mess that makes driving in Louisville an even more hazardous task after the first snowfall starts to melt.
5. Every stray cat in the neighborhood comes to roost under my house, often mating under my bedroom floor. Glad they're warm and somewhat safe, wish they weren't homeless to begin with.
6. My little black cat loses her mind and races around the house, often shrieking madly, until I snap and threaten to kill her.
7. My father gets VERY grumpy about the cold weather, making my mother crazy, in turn making me even crazier.
8. Listening to holiday music ad nauseum EVERYWHERE I go.
9. The office holiday party. Almost nobody ever really wants one, but there's always some gung-ho idiot who just HAS to organzize one. I put my foot down last year- no presents for the jackholes I work with, no special treats, and since I'm not participating, I'm not cleaning it up. Expect a repeat performance this year.
10. The politically correct police who insist "We should say Happy Holidays so that everyone will feel included!" and those who argue that "Christ is the reason for the season" and "You cain't take Christ out of Christmas!" Here's my take on the issue- SHUT UP, celebrate the way you are comfortable, and don't force your views on the rest of the world. If someone gives you a holiday greeting that's different from your view, just smile, thank them, and be grateful that anyone is speaking to your sorry ass in the first place.
Monday, November 19, 2012
Things I Like About Winter
1. I get to sleep under 500 blankets. I don't know what it is about sleeping under a ton of covers, but having the weight of blankets on me is very comforting. Odd, considering my minor claustrophobia, but there you have it.
2. I get to wear my flannel PJ's and fuzzy slippers
3. My asthma symptoms almost disappear in the winter months.
4. Hot Chocolate!
5. Hot Spiced Cider!
6. It's finally cool enough to bake without dying of heat exposure in my little kitchen. (Weight loss tip 5833- I tend to take most of the goodies to work or give them to friends so I don't wind up eating an entire rum cake or batch of cookies by myself. )
7. Comfort food! Thick chewy homemade noodles in broth, creamy casseroles, roast beef and baked ham.
8. The calm quietness that fills the air after the first silvery snowfall blankets the ground.
9. Wrapping up in a comforter on the couch and having a sleeping cat snoring softly in my lap while I read and sip hot tea.
10. All the pert skinny little bimbos who pranced around in skimpy clothing the rest of the year now have to cover that shit up. HALLELUJAH!
2. I get to wear my flannel PJ's and fuzzy slippers
3. My asthma symptoms almost disappear in the winter months.
4. Hot Chocolate!
5. Hot Spiced Cider!
6. It's finally cool enough to bake without dying of heat exposure in my little kitchen. (Weight loss tip 5833- I tend to take most of the goodies to work or give them to friends so I don't wind up eating an entire rum cake or batch of cookies by myself. )
7. Comfort food! Thick chewy homemade noodles in broth, creamy casseroles, roast beef and baked ham.
8. The calm quietness that fills the air after the first silvery snowfall blankets the ground.
9. Wrapping up in a comforter on the couch and having a sleeping cat snoring softly in my lap while I read and sip hot tea.
10. All the pert skinny little bimbos who pranced around in skimpy clothing the rest of the year now have to cover that shit up. HALLELUJAH!
Monday, November 12, 2012
Road Trip Rules
1. No smoking of anything in the car-EVER (thanks to a former co-worker who asked if she could smoke and then lit up a spliff in the wilds of Tennessee. I damn near turfed her out onto the road)
2. Drinks will have lids, spills will be sucked out of the upholstery by the spiller
3. Trash will be removed from the car at every stop. If my car is infested with fruit flies/ants/anything after the trip, every passenger will be called upon to come fumigate the vehicle while I crack a whip over their thick skulls.
4. If you are the assigned navigator, do not tell the driver that they need to “turn here” or “take this exit” as we are careening past it at 90 m.p.h. Otherwise be prepared to take turns on 2 wheels and/or be soundly cursed at by the driver.
5. If you are the assigned navigator, and we are traveling according to written directions, READ THE DIRECTIONS EXACTLY AS THEY ARE WRITTEN. DO NOT THINK THAT THEY ARE OPEN TO INTERPRETATION. Trust me, they AREN’T.
6. We are not stopping every 50 miles for you to pee. If you have a bladder the size of a lentil, consider Depends or cut back on the liquids. (This will be waived for certain medical conditions and/or at the driver’s discretion)
7. When we do stop, if food/drinks are available and you feel the need for one or both, GET THEM THEN. Asking to stop for either after we have just pulled back onto the interstate will get you smacked, hard.
8. Meal breaks are negotiable. Saying “anything is fine” and then rejecting the driver’s choice is not.
9. Trunks & cargo hatches have limited space. Pack accordingly. You do not need as much luggage as the Cirque du Soleil for a 2-3 day trip. You may wind up riding with your excess luggage in your lap. (learned this one the hard way traveling with wrestlers. Trust me when I tell you that 6 hours in a car clutching a 75 lb suitcase on your lap teaches you how to pack lightly)
10. Sharp inhalations, clutching the dashboard, or exclamations of fear are frowned upon by the driver. You don’t like the way I drive, you can drive next time. (just be aware that I morph into the passenger from hell- there are reasons I'm usually the driver and that is one of them)
11. Unless you are alerting the driver to law enforcement vehicles or other impending doom, “Ooooh, look at that!” is not something wise to say. In other words, "Oh look, a cow!" is not particularly helpful. On the other hand, "Oh look, a state trooper," is.
12. Control of the music may be negotiated, but the final say is up to the driver. (Warning- musical complaints may be resolved by me singing the entire catalog of Garth Brooks, Animaniacs, Phantom of the Opera, and anything else I can remember the words to. You'll be begging for the Metallica CD witihn 4 miles)
13. Control of the heat/AC is up to the driver. (ie, during winter trips, we will not be driving with one window down so you can breathe cool air. Conflicting temps are one of my migraine triggers. Do you really want me driving with a migraine? Didn't think so)
14. We do not stop anywhere not visible from the main road/interstate unless it is a DIRE emergency. (see the story about the ride home from Aunt Lora's funeral for reasons why)
15. Contributions to the gas fund/toll booth fund are not optional unless arrangements were made WELL beforehand. (thank some former friends for this one)
Idiotic Things I Have Done On Road Trips (mostly in my misspent youth)
1. Worn a bra on my head
2. Changed clothes in the front seat (I wasn’t driving)
3. Tied glow-in-the-dark condoms to the radio antenna
4. Jumped out of the car before it stopped moving and skidded 16 feet across the parking lot to talk to Ric Flair (who was most impressed that I slid to a stop in front of him without falling or knocking him over)
5. Driven backwards down a dirt road at 90 m.p.h.
6. Raced a carload of WCW wrestlers from Winston Salem to Raleigh (I won!)
7. Asked someone with a mush-mouth Southern accent for directions. (20 minutes/6 passes up and down the highway later we figured out that "faaaar taar road" meant Fire Tower Road)
8. Decided that it wasn't time to fill up even though I was down to less than 1/8 tank of gas. (and very luckily made it to the next stop)
9. Decided that the solution to utter exhaustion was to take No-Doz on top of Dr Pepper, a quart of tea, and very little food. (first trip to Toronto- I saw every bathroom from Ohio to Toronto thanks to that bit of foolishness)
10. Picked up a hitchhiker because he was cute. (to be fair, there were 4 of us in the car, I wasn't the driver, and he was on crutches...and very relieved to get out at his destination. I think WE scared HIM)
Suggested items for road trips
1. Cooler stocked w/beverages of choice for asst passengers (for trips in excess of 4 hours)
2. Plastic bags (grocery store are fine) for trash disposal
3. Asst snacks for passengers (also for the 4 hour rule. Things like trail mix are good. Yogurt and things that require utensils or are potentially messy are not)
4. Wet wipes
5. First aid kit with extra pain killers, sunblock, antihistamines (for myself & allergy prone passengers), and lipbalm. Also good are those little Listerine toothbrush thingies.
6. Small pillow & blanket (you never know if/when you'll need a nap or someone is going to get cold while the rest of the party is roasting)
Anybody have any other rules or suggested items for the car?
Monday, November 5, 2012
Things That Make Me Weary
It's been one of those days, kids...
1. Arguing with the power company
2. Arguing with the IRS
3. Repeating myself more than twice when trying to give/get information
4. Cleaning the litterbox (how can two smallish creatures create such an unholy mess?)
5. Jeans that fit fine last week but suddenly won't zip without the jaws of life
6. Explaining to the barista that I REALLY DO want my iced coffee black with no sugar. (it might be weird to you, pal, but I'm paying for it, I like it, and YOU'RE pouring coffee for a living so shut up)
7. Explaining to the order taker at any burger place that I DO NOT want cheese on my burger. (I don't like the taste of the nasty yellow rubber that masquerades as cheese in most of those places)
8. My job, in general
9. Family drama (take my relatives, please...well, most of them, anyway)
10. Being in the mood to read/cross stitch, and not being able to because I'm at work/doing something else that requires my attention
I know these are trivial things, and that there are many people out there who don't have it as good as I do. But sometimes things just weigh you down, so you vent them out.
1. Arguing with the power company
2. Arguing with the IRS
3. Repeating myself more than twice when trying to give/get information
4. Cleaning the litterbox (how can two smallish creatures create such an unholy mess?)
5. Jeans that fit fine last week but suddenly won't zip without the jaws of life
6. Explaining to the barista that I REALLY DO want my iced coffee black with no sugar. (it might be weird to you, pal, but I'm paying for it, I like it, and YOU'RE pouring coffee for a living so shut up)
7. Explaining to the order taker at any burger place that I DO NOT want cheese on my burger. (I don't like the taste of the nasty yellow rubber that masquerades as cheese in most of those places)
8. My job, in general
9. Family drama (take my relatives, please...well, most of them, anyway)
10. Being in the mood to read/cross stitch, and not being able to because I'm at work/doing something else that requires my attention
I know these are trivial things, and that there are many people out there who don't have it as good as I do. But sometimes things just weigh you down, so you vent them out.
Monday, October 29, 2012
The Fashion Industry is NUTS
So, thanks to health issues and my back & knee problems, my doctor has been really getting after me to lose weight. While I haven't lost as much as he'd like, I HAVE managed to lose 47 lbs in the last year. I'm still a big old heifer, but I'm working on it. Most of my weight loss is due to changes in diet- I don't like exercising, especially when I'm in chronic pain. I think it's a mental block, remembering how mean the other kids were in gym classes back in my younger schooldays, but I digress.
I had established a clothing moratorium for the year a few months ago, when I was trying to start decluttering and realized that most of the clothing piled up in the laundry room & spare room was stuff I either stopped wearing because I had gotten too fat for it, or was stuff I had simply forgotten I owned. There were also a lot of things that were basically duplicates- how many versions of black & purple t-shirts are there, and did I really need to hang on to ALL of them? So a LOT of stuff went to goodwill.
Just for giggles, I tried on a few of the things I had outgrown. Holy cow, they fit again! Some of them even better than before! I still gave a fair chunk away (mostly things I wore when I worked in retail and/or used for LARP costumes), but kept some of the things I'm still likely to wear.
My current job is techincally clerical, but it's in kind of a warehouse environment. We can, and often do, handle large/dirty items, so jeans are the best clothing choice. Here's where things start getting a little tricky. Because I'm so tall AND fat, appropriately fitting pants of any style are hard to come by. And due to the occasional roughness of my job, I've had to throw away some damaged pairs. Even worse are the pairs I had to toss after my weight gain caused them to explode in ways that could not be repaired. I managed to find some replacements in the larger size- even though I was working on weight loss, I still had to wear something to work.
Well, now I've lost this weight, and my 'fat' jeans are WAAAAAAAAY too big. The pairs of jeans I had outgrown are all either about to fall apart from forcing myself into them even when I was too fat, or are actually slightly too big. *happy dance* So, since a nearby store that carried plus sizes appears to be having a going out of business sale, I thought I'd treat myself to a couple of new pairs of jeans. Not buying anything but jeans- the moratorium on everything else stands until I lose more weight & keep it off. (Well, maybe a tie-dyed t-shirt or two. I've worn most of mine to bits)
So I went to this store- let's call them Mashin' Mug instead of giving them a plug- and hoped for the best. I've found good things there in the past, but there's also a lot of drek, and their sizes are fairly inconsistent. Also, WHO decides what is stylish? Weird colorblock combinations might pass for ok on a skinny girl, but don't work as well on Ample Annie. Not all fat girls want to wear clothes with sequins & beads, in eye-popping prints/colors that call attention to our figure flaws. NOBODY looks good in Capri pants and I'd give thanks daily if that look went away forever. AND booty shorts- you know the ones that are so short & tight that they're basically glorified underwear- need to go away. Preferably for everyone, but especially plus sized versions. Just because you CAN make something, doesn't mean you SHOULD. Ditto for wearing it. Remember the eye trauma caused by biker shorts in the 90's? Same thing.
Where was I? Oh yeah, jeans. Nobody makes plain simple jeans any more either. You have to decide between skinny, boot leg, low waisted, wide legged, studded, embroidered, beaded, straight legged (as rare as intelligible lyrics in most rap ditties), acid wash, indigo, stonewashed, button-fly, decaf, mocha, and whoops, I just took us to $tarbuck$. There are too many choices. Unless you're built like me, in which case you pretty much are stuck choosing whatever goes over your butt and can be zipped over your gut. Bonus points if they're miraculously the right length and/or you can bend over without mooning anyone, the pants exploding, or having a permanent zipper indentation on your stomach.
So, knowing the store's tendency to have erratic sizing, I found several styles of jeans to try on, and managed to get most of them in 3 sizes. My former fat size, the size I'm currently in which is a little loose, and a size down in a rush of optimism. I even managed to score a couple of pairs of Tall plus sizes which is as rare as a drama free day in the life of Lindsay Lohan. The lethargic dressing room attendant looked at the 12-15 pairs of jeans I was lugging and waved me in. So much for 5 items or less.
Anybody want to guess what happened next? No? Well, I'll tell you- NOTHING fit. Not one single frigging pair, not even in a 'not quite right, but I can make do' kind of way. The size down were WAY too small. The size up- aka fat me- were WAY too big. The size I currently wear were either too big or too small depending on the style of the jeans.
Do I need to explain how demoralizing that is? I walked into the store feeling good about myself for having lost 47 GADDAMNED POUNDS, and walked out feeling like a circus fat lady. Seriously, I was almost in tears. And the urge to go eat my way through a buffet and then a bakery was strong. Sanity, and sympathy from my mommy prevailed. I did have a bowl of ice cream, but just one, not the size of a soup tureen, and with no garnishes of any sort.
Then I started thinking about the issue. I am NOT the problem. (not entirely) The fashion industry, who consider anything over a size 4 to be obese, is the problem. So I mentally composed this letter to Mashin Mug:
Dear Jackholes,
Sorry to hear you're going out of business. Actually, I'm not surprised. Your sizes have always been off, no matter what you claim, and you never stocked enough of the larger sizes to make it worth coming in and trying things on. Your failed experiment of mixing the plus sized items in with the juniors a few years ago did nothing to help. In fact, it made me homicidal to see a cute top in a size 2, only to discover the largest size you had in was a 16. It appeared to have that effect on a LOT of women, because that project didn't even last 4 months, did it?
I went in to your store hoping to spend a fair amount of money on some new jeans. What a shame that the same pair of jeans in 3 different sizes didn't fit. None of them were close enough to buy, even with your advertised 30-60% off sale. Oh, and one rack of t-shirts from the 70's marked 60% off isn't fooling anyone. May I suggest a sign that says "These are crap, but they're cheap, so you know you'll buy some?"
I'm sure I'll run into simliar problems in other stores. But at least I have the satisfaction of knowing I'll never have to deal with YOU again.
Enraged, and decidedly not cordially yours,
The Amazonian Liongoddess
I had established a clothing moratorium for the year a few months ago, when I was trying to start decluttering and realized that most of the clothing piled up in the laundry room & spare room was stuff I either stopped wearing because I had gotten too fat for it, or was stuff I had simply forgotten I owned. There were also a lot of things that were basically duplicates- how many versions of black & purple t-shirts are there, and did I really need to hang on to ALL of them? So a LOT of stuff went to goodwill.
Just for giggles, I tried on a few of the things I had outgrown. Holy cow, they fit again! Some of them even better than before! I still gave a fair chunk away (mostly things I wore when I worked in retail and/or used for LARP costumes), but kept some of the things I'm still likely to wear.
My current job is techincally clerical, but it's in kind of a warehouse environment. We can, and often do, handle large/dirty items, so jeans are the best clothing choice. Here's where things start getting a little tricky. Because I'm so tall AND fat, appropriately fitting pants of any style are hard to come by. And due to the occasional roughness of my job, I've had to throw away some damaged pairs. Even worse are the pairs I had to toss after my weight gain caused them to explode in ways that could not be repaired. I managed to find some replacements in the larger size- even though I was working on weight loss, I still had to wear something to work.
Well, now I've lost this weight, and my 'fat' jeans are WAAAAAAAAY too big. The pairs of jeans I had outgrown are all either about to fall apart from forcing myself into them even when I was too fat, or are actually slightly too big. *happy dance* So, since a nearby store that carried plus sizes appears to be having a going out of business sale, I thought I'd treat myself to a couple of new pairs of jeans. Not buying anything but jeans- the moratorium on everything else stands until I lose more weight & keep it off. (Well, maybe a tie-dyed t-shirt or two. I've worn most of mine to bits)
So I went to this store- let's call them Mashin' Mug instead of giving them a plug- and hoped for the best. I've found good things there in the past, but there's also a lot of drek, and their sizes are fairly inconsistent. Also, WHO decides what is stylish? Weird colorblock combinations might pass for ok on a skinny girl, but don't work as well on Ample Annie. Not all fat girls want to wear clothes with sequins & beads, in eye-popping prints/colors that call attention to our figure flaws. NOBODY looks good in Capri pants and I'd give thanks daily if that look went away forever. AND booty shorts- you know the ones that are so short & tight that they're basically glorified underwear- need to go away. Preferably for everyone, but especially plus sized versions. Just because you CAN make something, doesn't mean you SHOULD. Ditto for wearing it. Remember the eye trauma caused by biker shorts in the 90's? Same thing.
Where was I? Oh yeah, jeans. Nobody makes plain simple jeans any more either. You have to decide between skinny, boot leg, low waisted, wide legged, studded, embroidered, beaded, straight legged (as rare as intelligible lyrics in most rap ditties), acid wash, indigo, stonewashed, button-fly, decaf, mocha, and whoops, I just took us to $tarbuck$. There are too many choices. Unless you're built like me, in which case you pretty much are stuck choosing whatever goes over your butt and can be zipped over your gut. Bonus points if they're miraculously the right length and/or you can bend over without mooning anyone, the pants exploding, or having a permanent zipper indentation on your stomach.
So, knowing the store's tendency to have erratic sizing, I found several styles of jeans to try on, and managed to get most of them in 3 sizes. My former fat size, the size I'm currently in which is a little loose, and a size down in a rush of optimism. I even managed to score a couple of pairs of Tall plus sizes which is as rare as a drama free day in the life of Lindsay Lohan. The lethargic dressing room attendant looked at the 12-15 pairs of jeans I was lugging and waved me in. So much for 5 items or less.
Anybody want to guess what happened next? No? Well, I'll tell you- NOTHING fit. Not one single frigging pair, not even in a 'not quite right, but I can make do' kind of way. The size down were WAY too small. The size up- aka fat me- were WAY too big. The size I currently wear were either too big or too small depending on the style of the jeans.
Do I need to explain how demoralizing that is? I walked into the store feeling good about myself for having lost 47 GADDAMNED POUNDS, and walked out feeling like a circus fat lady. Seriously, I was almost in tears. And the urge to go eat my way through a buffet and then a bakery was strong. Sanity, and sympathy from my mommy prevailed. I did have a bowl of ice cream, but just one, not the size of a soup tureen, and with no garnishes of any sort.
Then I started thinking about the issue. I am NOT the problem. (not entirely) The fashion industry, who consider anything over a size 4 to be obese, is the problem. So I mentally composed this letter to Mashin Mug:
Dear Jackholes,
Sorry to hear you're going out of business. Actually, I'm not surprised. Your sizes have always been off, no matter what you claim, and you never stocked enough of the larger sizes to make it worth coming in and trying things on. Your failed experiment of mixing the plus sized items in with the juniors a few years ago did nothing to help. In fact, it made me homicidal to see a cute top in a size 2, only to discover the largest size you had in was a 16. It appeared to have that effect on a LOT of women, because that project didn't even last 4 months, did it?
I went in to your store hoping to spend a fair amount of money on some new jeans. What a shame that the same pair of jeans in 3 different sizes didn't fit. None of them were close enough to buy, even with your advertised 30-60% off sale. Oh, and one rack of t-shirts from the 70's marked 60% off isn't fooling anyone. May I suggest a sign that says "These are crap, but they're cheap, so you know you'll buy some?"
I'm sure I'll run into simliar problems in other stores. But at least I have the satisfaction of knowing I'll never have to deal with YOU again.
Enraged, and decidedly not cordially yours,
The Amazonian Liongoddess
Monday, September 24, 2012
Questions I Find Myself Asking All Too Often
Some random, some with reason, all true...
FYI: W= asked at work, H= home, B= both
What's that smell? (B, and all too often, unfortunately)
How did my boobs get bigger when I've lost 47 pounds?!?
What's your name? (W)
Could you spell that, please? (W)
What's your report number? (W)
Was this anywhere that is going to require me to wear gloves BEFORE I touch it? (W)
WHY didn't you tell me that BEFORE I touched it?!? (W)
Do I have to? (B)
Where's your brother/sister? (usually a rhetorical question for the cats, but sometimes applies at work)
Did you see the new patterns by ?
Where is my stapler? (W)
Where are all of my pens? (B)
Why did I agree to this? (B)
When did I agree to this? (B)
Are you sure you turned it in? (W)
Do you speak English? (W)
Are you talking to me? (everywhere)
Do you know what you want yet? (usually to my father in a restaurant)
Do I look like an idiot? (B)
Are you hungry? (B)
Will you please go away? (B)
If I promise to miss you, will you go away? (W)
Can I go away?
What's that noise? (B)
Will you please go get me a Dr Pepper? (W)
Do I look/sound like I care? (B)
Is anyone reading this blog or am I just amusing myself? :-)
FYI: W= asked at work, H= home, B= both
What's that smell? (B, and all too often, unfortunately)
How did my boobs get bigger when I've lost 47 pounds?!?
What's your name? (W)
Could you spell that, please? (W)
What's your report number? (W)
Was this anywhere that is going to require me to wear gloves BEFORE I touch it? (W)
WHY didn't you tell me that BEFORE I touched it?!? (W)
Do I have to? (B)
Where's your brother/sister? (usually a rhetorical question for the cats, but sometimes applies at work)
Did you see the new patterns by
Where is my stapler? (W)
Where are all of my pens? (B)
Why did I agree to this? (B)
When did I agree to this? (B)
Are you sure you turned it in? (W)
Do you speak English? (W)
Are you talking to me? (everywhere)
Do you know what you want yet? (usually to my father in a restaurant)
Do I look like an idiot? (B)
Are you hungry? (B)
Will you please go away? (B)
If I promise to miss you, will you go away? (W)
Can I go away?
What's that noise? (B)
Will you please go get me a Dr Pepper? (W)
Do I look/sound like I care? (B)
Is anyone reading this blog or am I just amusing myself? :-)
Monday, September 17, 2012
Personal Soundtrack
Everyone should have a personal soundtrack. Bill Cosby mentions in some of his early routines that "the monsters can't get you if you have your own music" and Keenan Ivory Wayans gets his own soundtrack at the end of "I'm Gonna Get You Sucka!" I loved making mix-tapes (anyone else remember those or am I just old?) and still rip mix-cd's from my MP3 player. Some songs seem to make it onto nearly every tape/cd, others rotate in and out. Here's a random list of 'my' songs for your amusement:
1. Nobody's Girl- Bonnie Raitt
2. Damn Your Eyes- Etta James
3. Tonight Is What it Means To Be Young- Fire Inc (from the Streets of Fire soundtrack)
4. Whenever I Call You Friend- Kenny Loggins & Stevie Nicks
5. The KKK Took My Baby Away- The Ramones (remind me to post the toll collector story someday)
6. You Never Even Called Me By My Name- David Allen Coe
7. Friends Don't Friends Dial Drunk- Plain White T's
8. Twilight Zone- Golden Earring
9. The Reflex- Duran Duran
10. Something of a Dreamer- Mary Chapin Carpenter
11. I've Done Everything For You- Rick Springfield
12. Friends in Low Places- Garth Brooks
13. I Feel Lucky- Mary Chapin Carpenter
14. Love Don't Roam- Neil Hannon (from the Doctor Who soundtrack)
15. What Makes You Beautiful- One Direction (ok, so that's a new one)
16. Enter Sandman- Metallica
17. Dragula- Rob Zombie
18. Fallen Angel- Poison
19. Headed For a Heartbreak- Winger
20. The Way That I Am- Martina McBride
21. I Drove All Night- Cyndi Lauper
22. She's In Love With the Boy- Trisha Yearwood
23. I Know Him So Well- from the original Chess soundtrack
24. Meaning of Life- Faith Hill
25. Save Up All Your Tears- Cher
This is by NO means a complete list (obviously) and as soon as I hit publish on this I'm sure I'll think of another dozen songs that should have been included, but it gives you an idea of how eclectic my tastes are. (and how weird I am, but if you've been reading my blog, you probably already had a good idea of that) What are soem of the songs you'd include on YOUR personal soundtrack?
1. Nobody's Girl- Bonnie Raitt
2. Damn Your Eyes- Etta James
3. Tonight Is What it Means To Be Young- Fire Inc (from the Streets of Fire soundtrack)
4. Whenever I Call You Friend- Kenny Loggins & Stevie Nicks
5. The KKK Took My Baby Away- The Ramones (remind me to post the toll collector story someday)
6. You Never Even Called Me By My Name- David Allen Coe
7. Friends Don't Friends Dial Drunk- Plain White T's
8. Twilight Zone- Golden Earring
9. The Reflex- Duran Duran
10. Something of a Dreamer- Mary Chapin Carpenter
11. I've Done Everything For You- Rick Springfield
12. Friends in Low Places- Garth Brooks
13. I Feel Lucky- Mary Chapin Carpenter
14. Love Don't Roam- Neil Hannon (from the Doctor Who soundtrack)
15. What Makes You Beautiful- One Direction (ok, so that's a new one)
16. Enter Sandman- Metallica
17. Dragula- Rob Zombie
18. Fallen Angel- Poison
19. Headed For a Heartbreak- Winger
20. The Way That I Am- Martina McBride
21. I Drove All Night- Cyndi Lauper
22. She's In Love With the Boy- Trisha Yearwood
23. I Know Him So Well- from the original Chess soundtrack
24. Meaning of Life- Faith Hill
25. Save Up All Your Tears- Cher
This is by NO means a complete list (obviously) and as soon as I hit publish on this I'm sure I'll think of another dozen songs that should have been included, but it gives you an idea of how eclectic my tastes are. (and how weird I am, but if you've been reading my blog, you probably already had a good idea of that) What are soem of the songs you'd include on YOUR personal soundtrack?
Monday, September 10, 2012
It's the little things...
Ok, in the hopes of cheering myself up, I am posting a list of a few things that make me happy. I think I've done this before, but that's ok. It's my blog and I can do that. LOL
1. My grumpy little black cat being affectionate and cuddly.
2. My big fat gray cat flopping down and showing me his belly in an attempt to entice me to play with him.
3. Turkey Hill Coffee Ice Cream (one of my newer addictions)
4. Getting packages in the mail.
5. Finding DVD's I really want to watch or books I want to read on serious sale on Amazon!
6. Getting new issues of my British Cross Stitching magazines
7. Playing Bewjeweled 3 & Jewel Quest on my cellphone
8. Selling books at the used book store and getting more money for them than expected
9. BACON!!!
10. That relaxed feeling when I wake up and realize it's a day off and I don't HAVE to get up and do anything if I don't want to
11. Finding new patterns by one of my favorite cross stitch designers
12. Mentally designing/decorating my dream house & planning the extensive trip I intend to take once I win the lottery
So what makes YOU happy? Leave a comment and let me know!
1. My grumpy little black cat being affectionate and cuddly.
2. My big fat gray cat flopping down and showing me his belly in an attempt to entice me to play with him.
3. Turkey Hill Coffee Ice Cream (one of my newer addictions)
4. Getting packages in the mail.
5. Finding DVD's I really want to watch or books I want to read on serious sale on Amazon!
6. Getting new issues of my British Cross Stitching magazines
7. Playing Bewjeweled 3 & Jewel Quest on my cellphone
8. Selling books at the used book store and getting more money for them than expected
9. BACON!!!
10. That relaxed feeling when I wake up and realize it's a day off and I don't HAVE to get up and do anything if I don't want to
11. Finding new patterns by one of my favorite cross stitch designers
12. Mentally designing/decorating my dream house & planning the extensive trip I intend to take once I win the lottery
So what makes YOU happy? Leave a comment and let me know!
Monday, August 27, 2012
Dear Officer/Coworker
Ok, so I'm not perfect and make the odd mistake. I can understand that everyone does from time to time. However, here are a few issues that keep cropping up and you might want to start paying attention so that I don't have to start smacking people:
1. If you have drugs in a small tube, it is a V-I-A-L, not V-I-L-E.
2. The damned pills are called LORTABS. Not loritabs, loratabs, loretabs, luratabs, or any other damned spelling variation you come up with. For pity's sake, at least half the time you have the Rx bottle with the correct spelling and you STILL get it wrong.
3. There is no excuse for spelling the name of the drug incorrectly when the computer fills it in for you. (the most common drugs have codes that we enter and it populates the screen for you) There is no such thing as marawana or herion. They are marijuana and heroin. (also, unless you are giving me a romance novel, you do not have h-e-r-i-o-n-e)
4. Believe it or not, we do know the difference between an I-pod and a cell phone. (and the officer that accused me of mistaking one for the other was very sorry that he dragged his Sgt down to our office to watch him open the envelope to prove me wrong...only to discover that HE was the idiot)
5. If you do not sort your evidence prior to shoving it through the window at us/deposit it yourself/check your property slip before you leave the office, it is not advisable to call screaming hours or days later, and tell us we got something wrong and how stupid we are. We are not going to go out of our way to figure out any mistakes and how they might be corrected after you are a jackass.
6. Your case got thrown out of court because you checked evidence out and brought it back without the original packaging and we documented that fact in the chain of custody? That would be YOUR fault, not OURS. Please see your commanding officer for some remedial training...or be prepared to have a foot broken off in your ass if you get in my face again.
7. If you can't read your own handwriting, what the hell makes you think we can decipher your citation?
8. GET OFF YOUR DAMNED CELL PHONE AND PAY ATTENTION WHILE WE PUT YOUR EVIDENCE IN. See reason #5 if you don't understand why. Not to mention, it's rude.
9. The office supplies that the city pays for are crap and we all know it. If you want nice pens, bring your own. Poaching my pens, that I paid for, will get you hurt. And before you try to tell me that it's really YOUR pen and just looks like mine, I mark my pens, in several places, and can clearly see that it IS mine. (and I'm the only one who regularly uses green or purple ink, with the exception of the thieving ho who keeps stealing my pens) Also, there is a reason my stapler has my name written on it IN PERMANENT MARKER and is hidden in my desk drawer. I paid for a quality stapler for my own use. Buy your own or make do with the cheap ones we get.
10. The candy jar ON TOP of my desk is fair game. I keep a fair supply of various hard candies (& occasionally chocolates) out for others to have because I know we all like a treat from time to time. Complaining that I don't have your favorite candy means it's time to buy your own. Oh, and if you're looking for the personal stash that I keep in my drawer? It's now secured in my locker because I got tired of it being eaten for me. You're not welcome. (I'm diabetic & hypoglycemic, so when my blood sugar crashes, I REALLY need that snack to be there)
I hope this helps. Really. For all our sakes.
1. If you have drugs in a small tube, it is a V-I-A-L, not V-I-L-E.
2. The damned pills are called LORTABS. Not loritabs, loratabs, loretabs, luratabs, or any other damned spelling variation you come up with. For pity's sake, at least half the time you have the Rx bottle with the correct spelling and you STILL get it wrong.
3. There is no excuse for spelling the name of the drug incorrectly when the computer fills it in for you. (the most common drugs have codes that we enter and it populates the screen for you) There is no such thing as marawana or herion. They are marijuana and heroin. (also, unless you are giving me a romance novel, you do not have h-e-r-i-o-n-e)
4. Believe it or not, we do know the difference between an I-pod and a cell phone. (and the officer that accused me of mistaking one for the other was very sorry that he dragged his Sgt down to our office to watch him open the envelope to prove me wrong...only to discover that HE was the idiot)
5. If you do not sort your evidence prior to shoving it through the window at us/deposit it yourself/check your property slip before you leave the office, it is not advisable to call screaming hours or days later, and tell us we got something wrong and how stupid we are. We are not going to go out of our way to figure out any mistakes and how they might be corrected after you are a jackass.
6. Your case got thrown out of court because you checked evidence out and brought it back without the original packaging and we documented that fact in the chain of custody? That would be YOUR fault, not OURS. Please see your commanding officer for some remedial training...or be prepared to have a foot broken off in your ass if you get in my face again.
7. If you can't read your own handwriting, what the hell makes you think we can decipher your citation?
8. GET OFF YOUR DAMNED CELL PHONE AND PAY ATTENTION WHILE WE PUT YOUR EVIDENCE IN. See reason #5 if you don't understand why. Not to mention, it's rude.
9. The office supplies that the city pays for are crap and we all know it. If you want nice pens, bring your own. Poaching my pens, that I paid for, will get you hurt. And before you try to tell me that it's really YOUR pen and just looks like mine, I mark my pens, in several places, and can clearly see that it IS mine. (and I'm the only one who regularly uses green or purple ink, with the exception of the thieving ho who keeps stealing my pens) Also, there is a reason my stapler has my name written on it IN PERMANENT MARKER and is hidden in my desk drawer. I paid for a quality stapler for my own use. Buy your own or make do with the cheap ones we get.
10. The candy jar ON TOP of my desk is fair game. I keep a fair supply of various hard candies (& occasionally chocolates) out for others to have because I know we all like a treat from time to time. Complaining that I don't have your favorite candy means it's time to buy your own. Oh, and if you're looking for the personal stash that I keep in my drawer? It's now secured in my locker because I got tired of it being eaten for me. You're not welcome. (I'm diabetic & hypoglycemic, so when my blood sugar crashes, I REALLY need that snack to be there)
I hope this helps. Really. For all our sakes.
Monday, August 20, 2012
I'm not a Luddite, I just play one in real life
The irony of this piece is that it's on a blog. I'm not a techie person. I don't care if I don't have the latest gadgets & gizmos. I don't actually have a computer at home- these posts are made from my mother's house, work, and/or the library. If I did have a computer, I'd spend even more time fooling around online and get even less sleep than I already do. (I'm firmly convinced the creators of the internet were all fellow insomniacs) Amusingly, for all that I DON'T know about computers, I'm one of the most techno-savvy people in my office. (One of my coworkers actually called IT when she couldn't figure out how to change her background picture. They were not amused)
My cellphone is mainly used for just that- a PHONE. I do text a lot with my friend Laura. We text a lot more now that I finally got a phone with a QWERTY keyboard. Didn't do so much before then becasue cycling through the buttons to get a message typed out was a pain in the proverbial. I don't stream music through my phone (although it's an option for an additonal $20/mo), and while my phone isn't a smartphone, I recently discovered I *CAN* use it to do limited things on Facebook. This is NOT a good thing. The fabulous Jen Lancaster shares stories with her fans about taking her ambien and then gonig online, usually to comic effect. I was recently alerted to the fact that I also apparently have done this and posted a truly odd message about a blue cat, my feet being funny and "goingsleepiebies" now. Laura and a few other friends thought it was hysterical. (although some of the boys did drop by the office the next day just to make sure I WAS ok) Some family members thought it was a cry for help and called my mother. Oops. Facebook is now signed off on my phone.
I must admit to one guilty pleasure on my phone. I downloaded Ms Pac-man and Jewel Quest and spend far too long playing both of them. Which means I charge the damn thing just about every day.
I don't have a GPS. Don't like them, don't trust them. When you consider that most of them are programmed by the same geniuses who create directions for Map Quest and similar programs, and the number of one-way streets I have been incorrectly routed on, it's not worth it. And I don't listen to my passengers giving me directions, so why would I listen to a robot? (we won't go into the passenger/s forgetting to give me directions, or telling me to take the next turn as I'm passing it)
I have a kindle, but only becasue someone who should have known better inisted on buying me one. I mostly play games on it, too. (Slingo, and several word games) I still prefer holding an actual book and turning pages, but I DO have to admit the e-reader was WONDERFUL for traveling with when I flew out to visit my cousins in washington state last spring. It beat the hell out of hauling a tote bag full of books around.
I don't care about the latest & greatest home video technology. Pick a format, leave it alone for an extended period of time (decades would be just fine), make sure I can get all my favorites on it and I'm good. Ditto for music. (although I can make you a great deal on VHS and audio cassettes if you need some, I refuse to buy my entire collections on another format again)
My cellphone is mainly used for just that- a PHONE. I do text a lot with my friend Laura. We text a lot more now that I finally got a phone with a QWERTY keyboard. Didn't do so much before then becasue cycling through the buttons to get a message typed out was a pain in the proverbial. I don't stream music through my phone (although it's an option for an additonal $20/mo), and while my phone isn't a smartphone, I recently discovered I *CAN* use it to do limited things on Facebook. This is NOT a good thing. The fabulous Jen Lancaster shares stories with her fans about taking her ambien and then gonig online, usually to comic effect. I was recently alerted to the fact that I also apparently have done this and posted a truly odd message about a blue cat, my feet being funny and "goingsleepiebies" now. Laura and a few other friends thought it was hysterical. (although some of the boys did drop by the office the next day just to make sure I WAS ok) Some family members thought it was a cry for help and called my mother. Oops. Facebook is now signed off on my phone.
I must admit to one guilty pleasure on my phone. I downloaded Ms Pac-man and Jewel Quest and spend far too long playing both of them. Which means I charge the damn thing just about every day.
I don't have a GPS. Don't like them, don't trust them. When you consider that most of them are programmed by the same geniuses who create directions for Map Quest and similar programs, and the number of one-way streets I have been incorrectly routed on, it's not worth it. And I don't listen to my passengers giving me directions, so why would I listen to a robot? (we won't go into the passenger/s forgetting to give me directions, or telling me to take the next turn as I'm passing it)
I have a kindle, but only becasue someone who should have known better inisted on buying me one. I mostly play games on it, too. (Slingo, and several word games) I still prefer holding an actual book and turning pages, but I DO have to admit the e-reader was WONDERFUL for traveling with when I flew out to visit my cousins in washington state last spring. It beat the hell out of hauling a tote bag full of books around.
I don't care about the latest & greatest home video technology. Pick a format, leave it alone for an extended period of time (decades would be just fine), make sure I can get all my favorites on it and I'm good. Ditto for music. (although I can make you a great deal on VHS and audio cassettes if you need some, I refuse to buy my entire collections on another format again)
Monday, August 13, 2012
Commercials- the good, the bad, and the ugly
Nothing terribly original here, just a rant about television & commericals. I have pretty much gotten to the point where I don't watch much television anymore. My coworkers being unable to work in a quiet atmosphere and insisting on keeping the TV at make-your-ears-bleed volume has been the subject of previous rants, so won't repeat myself. But being FORCED to have a TV on 4-5 days a week means I also see/hear a LOT of commercials. Here is a partial list of the ones I have come to loathe:
1. anything for Old Navy
2. anything featuring diapers, especially the one where the little cartoon babies are having a 'poop-off' and you get to see the diapers 'comically' expand
3. Those #$@^&@& J.D. Wentworth commercials where people sing about having a settlement but needing cash now.
4. Those idiotic Life Alert commericals- especially the obese woman w/the oxygen tube up her nose talking about "I'll give up bread, beer, wine, and soda, but I won't give up my Life Alert!"
5. the nauseating Cancer Treatment Center of America commercials, especially the one where the spouses look like siblings. (before anyone flames me for ragging on a cancer commercial, I have had numerous family members with various forms of cancer. I know how serious it can be and the toll it takes on the entire family, but those commericals just flat out suck)
That said, I can think of 2 commercials I actually like:
1. The car commerical where the family is riding along and suddenly one of the kids starts humming. By the end of the ad, the whole family is rocking out to Ozzy's Crazy Train. LOVE it!
2. The old Free Credit report commercials featuring Eric Violette and his band. Especially the one where they're at the Renaissance Faire. The band they replaced them with isn't nearly as entertaining.
The trainwreck that fascinates me:
There's a local pawn business here in good old Lousyville that does commercials that look like they were shot by the owner's brother on a camcorder. They're so bad that they're funny. The best one was a Village People parody, back around Christmas. The current one is supposed to be a bunch of 'famous' musicians doing a version of Beat It. At least I think that's what it's supposed to be...
1. anything for Old Navy
2. anything featuring diapers, especially the one where the little cartoon babies are having a 'poop-off' and you get to see the diapers 'comically' expand
3. Those #$@^&@& J.D. Wentworth commercials where people sing about having a settlement but needing cash now.
4. Those idiotic Life Alert commericals- especially the obese woman w/the oxygen tube up her nose talking about "I'll give up bread, beer, wine, and soda, but I won't give up my Life Alert!"
5. the nauseating Cancer Treatment Center of America commercials, especially the one where the spouses look like siblings. (before anyone flames me for ragging on a cancer commercial, I have had numerous family members with various forms of cancer. I know how serious it can be and the toll it takes on the entire family, but those commericals just flat out suck)
That said, I can think of 2 commercials I actually like:
1. The car commerical where the family is riding along and suddenly one of the kids starts humming. By the end of the ad, the whole family is rocking out to Ozzy's Crazy Train. LOVE it!
2. The old Free Credit report commercials featuring Eric Violette and his band. Especially the one where they're at the Renaissance Faire. The band they replaced them with isn't nearly as entertaining.
The trainwreck that fascinates me:
There's a local pawn business here in good old Lousyville that does commercials that look like they were shot by the owner's brother on a camcorder. They're so bad that they're funny. The best one was a Village People parody, back around Christmas. The current one is supposed to be a bunch of 'famous' musicians doing a version of Beat It. At least I think that's what it's supposed to be...
Monday, August 6, 2012
Craft Stores, and how I become a bad customer when I shop in them
So, since my friend Laura got me back into cross stitching a few years ago, I have found myself spending more time & money in craft shops than I have in years. This is in addition to the specialty stores & websites that she & I both spend too much money with. (special shoutouts to 123.stitch.com, the Stitchin Post in Nashville TN, Needle Nest in Shelbyville KY, and Keepsakes up near Cincinnati OH) Here's my look at the other craft stores, where I/we buy all kinds of junk, most of which disappears into our homes and is never seen again. (I swear, I'm going to turn that falling leaf fabric into a pillow next week, really! Er, as soon as I find it again...)
Michael's: The cross stitch/needlework section in Michael's keeps shrinking. I got 'lucky' a few months ago and got some really expensive scroll-rods that they were discontinuing for about 1/4 of the list price. Never mind that I have NO idea how to use them- I got a bargain! Service is iffy here, they're constantly low/out of DMC flosses, but they do offer coupons and like I mentioned above, you can score real bargains if you're willing to look around a bit.
Hobby Lobby: I hate them. I occasionally go in and buy things when they run coupons in the paper, but I have NEVER gotten good service in any HL that I've been to. It's probably just as well, because they stock all kinds of baskets/boxes/knick-knacks that I'd spend too much money on if I liked them. The final straw for me was the night I ran in 30 minutes before they closed and an employee tried to keep me out. "We're closing in 30 minutes." Great, I need 3 skeins of emboridery floss and will be out of here in 5. "But we're closing in 30 minutes!" Move, or I go through you. Then, after I got in, grabbed my items, and ran back to the register, the cashier wanted to argue with me about the price on one that was on sale. She all but accused me of swapping tags with another item and held up the growing line with a demand for a price check. Turned out that I was right, but did she apologize? No.
Jo-ann Fabric: Love/hate. I love the coupons, and they turned out to be a semi-reliable source for my British cross stitch magazines after Borders Books closed. I buy way more of the fabric squares than I need-they'll be great for backing ornaments, really! I HATE that the fabric coupons don't apply to the prepackaged needlework fabrics. (you should have been there when the teen twit cashier was trying to tell me that linen isn't a fabric.) Also hate that you have to watch the register carefully if you're buying items on the last day of a sale- they sometimes take the discount out of the system early and the staff won't say/do anything if you don't. Service is hit & miss here, but they often have multiple coupons and good clearance items.
Hancock Fabric: The cross-stitch supply aisle is a joke. They mainly offer Sullivan floss, but have a few DMC offerings. The prices on most of their decorative stock is ridiculous. The service at the one I've gone to has been so awful that I keep saying I'm never going back. The following email excerpt is a prime example:
Michael's: The cross stitch/needlework section in Michael's keeps shrinking. I got 'lucky' a few months ago and got some really expensive scroll-rods that they were discontinuing for about 1/4 of the list price. Never mind that I have NO idea how to use them- I got a bargain! Service is iffy here, they're constantly low/out of DMC flosses, but they do offer coupons and like I mentioned above, you can score real bargains if you're willing to look around a bit.
Hobby Lobby: I hate them. I occasionally go in and buy things when they run coupons in the paper, but I have NEVER gotten good service in any HL that I've been to. It's probably just as well, because they stock all kinds of baskets/boxes/knick-knacks that I'd spend too much money on if I liked them. The final straw for me was the night I ran in 30 minutes before they closed and an employee tried to keep me out. "We're closing in 30 minutes." Great, I need 3 skeins of emboridery floss and will be out of here in 5. "But we're closing in 30 minutes!" Move, or I go through you. Then, after I got in, grabbed my items, and ran back to the register, the cashier wanted to argue with me about the price on one that was on sale. She all but accused me of swapping tags with another item and held up the growing line with a demand for a price check. Turned out that I was right, but did she apologize? No.
Jo-ann Fabric: Love/hate. I love the coupons, and they turned out to be a semi-reliable source for my British cross stitch magazines after Borders Books closed. I buy way more of the fabric squares than I need-they'll be great for backing ornaments, really! I HATE that the fabric coupons don't apply to the prepackaged needlework fabrics. (you should have been there when the teen twit cashier was trying to tell me that linen isn't a fabric.) Also hate that you have to watch the register carefully if you're buying items on the last day of a sale- they sometimes take the discount out of the system early and the staff won't say/do anything if you don't. Service is hit & miss here, but they often have multiple coupons and good clearance items.
Hancock Fabric: The cross-stitch supply aisle is a joke. They mainly offer Sullivan floss, but have a few DMC offerings. The prices on most of their decorative stock is ridiculous. The service at the one I've gone to has been so awful that I keep saying I'm never going back. The following email excerpt is a prime example:
Did I tell you about Hancock Fabrics? I wasn’t going to go there again, but someone on the board (the 123 stitch message board) mentioned that they were running Sullivan floss 5 for $1. Someone else added that their version of black is really good and they use it instead of DMC, but use DMC for everything else. I thought it might come in handy for stuff from that Halloween magazine, so I picked up 10 skeins. Hoping that lasts a while, because I got a reminder of why I hate that store while I was waiting in line. The couple before me had 3- that’s THREE- items and it took the woman 10 minutes to ring them up, bag them, and get them to sign their credit card slip. I put my floss on the counter, spread out so she could see how many there were, with the tag facing up so she could see they were all the same, and TOLD her why they were laid out like that. She proceeded to gather them into a big clump, and then tried to scan one at a time, but she kept losing track of how many she scanned. She tried to charge me for 13 and I damn near lost my mind. The manager came running when she heard me snarl for her to get a supervisor, and after scanning in 6 more that weren’t there, they voided the whole thing and started over. (the lady behind me was having quite a conversation, under her breath, with Jesus while this was going on) they finally managed to charge me the $2 for 10 skeins of floss, and the manager was trying soothe my VERY ruffled feathers, so they GAVE me the pack of floss bobbins I was going to buy. (my house has eaten all of the ones I thought I had again) I hand the twit $2.12 in exact change and she looks at it and says I owe her another 20 cents. Before I could say anything (and believe me I was going to), the lady behind me exploded. “how in the hell do you see exact change and ask for more money?!? Don’t you know what 12 cents looks like?!?” I’m betting she got a discount or freebie too. (sadly this was my second expereince like that at that shop, and it was an almost vebatim repeat of the first one, only I was trying to buy ONE piece of fabric that time)
I've worked enough retail jobs to know how badly they suck. I know there are lots of people trying to pull scams, and that retail staff is often underpaid and undertrained. But put me in front of a cashier who either doesn't know how to ring in items or bag them, or who gets argumentative about prices, and watch me turn into the raving psycho customer from hell. Let me ask someone for help to hear "oh, I don't know" (well GO ASK- and, YES, I know that's also code for 'I don't care') or have them act like I'm not there, and get ready for the asschewing of the century.
This is actually why I prefer to shop online. I may not be able to touch stuff, but I rarely have to argue with anyone about my purchase either. Well, except for that one site- there's a reason 123Stitch is now my preferred online needlework provider- but that was the inevitable exception.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Monday Musings- Stop and Stare
This week it's just the lyrics to a song that kind of sums up my life. Normal psycho posting to reume shortly.
"Stop & Stare" performed by One Republic
This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see
They're trying to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need
What you need, what you need...
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see...
"Stop & Stare" performed by One Republic
This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see
They're trying to come back, all my senses push
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
Something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need
What you need, what you need...
Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see...
Monday, July 16, 2012
Monday Musings- When Do You Declare a Friendship Dead?
How do you decide when/if it's time to end a friendship? I've ended two in the last few months, although one of them doesn't seem to be aware of the fact.
Former friend one: totally overreacted to a post made on Facebook, that alluded to something he'd said that I found to be insensitive but did not mention him by name, and proceeded to spew venom and issue veiled threats on my wall as well as attack other friends who tried to point out to him that he was acting like an idiot. I let him rant for a day or two and then quietly deleted the post, and then deleted him from my friend list. I rarely see/speak to this person in real life anymore, though we used to be quite close, so he probably isn't even aware that he is no longer someone I wish to be associated with. I do know that he has told mutual acquaintances that he thought I'd "learned my place" and they just shook their heads at him. Most people who know me, know that I am not a "forgive & forget" person, and there are some things that I refuse to accept from so-called friends. He crossed the line and I'm done with him, whether he knows it or not.
Former friend two: a former co-worker with whom I'd bonded over pop culture and a shared sense of amusement/horror/disbelief at some of the goings on in our office. Like me, she has had a fair amount of nearly unbelievable crap happen to her in her life, only she's had more and worse. The problems in our friendship stemmed from her wallowing in the toxicity of her life and the world and my inability to encourage it. There are so many things wrong here that I could probably write a book on it, but the short version is that I just can't keep dealing with her drama and inability to actually work on her problems, rather than just claim she's going to. She had treated a mutual friend so badly that the friend got fed up and dropped her like a bad habit and then sent me a passive-agressive email 'apologizing' for her behavior and saying WE could still be friends if *I* wanted to. I told her that I needed to think about it and honestly wasn't sure if I did, but I would contact her after a week and decide then. It was one of the most peaceful weeks I'd had- no drama filled angsty emails, no floods of emails with links to every "ain't it awful" story she could find, etc. I realized at that point that our friendship had turned into a toxic energy sink and that it wasn't in the best interest of my emotional health to continue it.
I'm not saying I didn't do my share of angsty emails about things. But I would actually work on my problems, whereas she didn't/wouldn't. If our mutual friend and I sent emails about positive things, 90% of the time she'd respond with a vague "that's nice, but let me tell you about this drama in my life..." type message, which then turned into all of us dwelling on negatives instead of being happy that something was going right. Or she wouldn't respond at all.
However, when I went back to respond to the situation after the week was up, I discovered an 2 emails from her that solved the problem for me. The first was informing me that she was dropping me from her Facebook friends because "it was too painful to see my posts and know she wasn't welcome to respond." I never said that. I said I didn't want to hear from her at my work email for a week. (I only check FB on weekends and she knew that) I have mentioned in the past that if she adds one more damned petition to my wall, I'd drop her. The second? Was basically an "I don't want to wait for your decision because I already know what it is so I'm going to drop you first" email from her. Ok by me.
So, I'm "down" 2 sources of stress and aggravation. Excuse me while I go cry quietly to myself...NOT.
Former friend one: totally overreacted to a post made on Facebook, that alluded to something he'd said that I found to be insensitive but did not mention him by name, and proceeded to spew venom and issue veiled threats on my wall as well as attack other friends who tried to point out to him that he was acting like an idiot. I let him rant for a day or two and then quietly deleted the post, and then deleted him from my friend list. I rarely see/speak to this person in real life anymore, though we used to be quite close, so he probably isn't even aware that he is no longer someone I wish to be associated with. I do know that he has told mutual acquaintances that he thought I'd "learned my place" and they just shook their heads at him. Most people who know me, know that I am not a "forgive & forget" person, and there are some things that I refuse to accept from so-called friends. He crossed the line and I'm done with him, whether he knows it or not.
Former friend two: a former co-worker with whom I'd bonded over pop culture and a shared sense of amusement/horror/disbelief at some of the goings on in our office. Like me, she has had a fair amount of nearly unbelievable crap happen to her in her life, only she's had more and worse. The problems in our friendship stemmed from her wallowing in the toxicity of her life and the world and my inability to encourage it. There are so many things wrong here that I could probably write a book on it, but the short version is that I just can't keep dealing with her drama and inability to actually work on her problems, rather than just claim she's going to. She had treated a mutual friend so badly that the friend got fed up and dropped her like a bad habit and then sent me a passive-agressive email 'apologizing' for her behavior and saying WE could still be friends if *I* wanted to. I told her that I needed to think about it and honestly wasn't sure if I did, but I would contact her after a week and decide then. It was one of the most peaceful weeks I'd had- no drama filled angsty emails, no floods of emails with links to every "ain't it awful" story she could find, etc. I realized at that point that our friendship had turned into a toxic energy sink and that it wasn't in the best interest of my emotional health to continue it.
I'm not saying I didn't do my share of angsty emails about things. But I would actually work on my problems, whereas she didn't/wouldn't. If our mutual friend and I sent emails about positive things, 90% of the time she'd respond with a vague "that's nice, but let me tell you about this drama in my life..." type message, which then turned into all of us dwelling on negatives instead of being happy that something was going right. Or she wouldn't respond at all.
However, when I went back to respond to the situation after the week was up, I discovered an 2 emails from her that solved the problem for me. The first was informing me that she was dropping me from her Facebook friends because "it was too painful to see my posts and know she wasn't welcome to respond." I never said that. I said I didn't want to hear from her at my work email for a week. (I only check FB on weekends and she knew that) I have mentioned in the past that if she adds one more damned petition to my wall, I'd drop her. The second? Was basically an "I don't want to wait for your decision because I already know what it is so I'm going to drop you first" email from her. Ok by me.
So, I'm "down" 2 sources of stress and aggravation. Excuse me while I go cry quietly to myself...NOT.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Monday Musings- Herding Cats, take 2
So after the bath adventure, I had thought we'd be done traveling for a good while. WRONG. 3 days after the bath experience, the landlord informed me that the workers were finally coming to replace my hail damaged roof. They thought they'd only need 1 day, but I had to have my driveway cleared by 8 a.m. for them to be able to get a truck & garbage trailer in. I was also instructed to take down anything hanging on the walls (framed art, etc) that could be shaken loose by them pounding on the top of the building.
The street I live on is fairly narrow and has steep drainage ditches on either side, so there's no street parking. I was informed of this after I was at work and therefore unable to ask any of my neighbors if I could park in their driveways. (Somehow I didn't think they'd be too thrilled to have me knocking on their doors at midnight when I got home to ask) I was left with two choices- park in the Kroger parking lot 1/4 mile form the house and hike to/from my car, or go stay with the parents. Add in the fact that there would be NO sleeping going on once the work started, and the noise was likely to give my idiot kittens a breakdown, the parents looked like the best option.
Mom couldn't contain her laughter when I called to ask. She agreed to let me bring the cats on the condition that they be locked in the room with me when I went to bed. Gramma's cat tried to kill her by sitting on her face when she was a baby and she's had a phobia about it ever since. I didn't have the heart to tell her that Felicity (sob) would have been the one most likely to do that, but agreed quickly before she could change her mind.
Running home after work, I discovered both cats had crawled into the big carrier. They'd been sleeping together in it since coming home from Bath Day. I flipped the door shut, packed my clothes and some kitty supplies and hauled everything to the car. Amazingly, being in the box together kept them calm- I didn't hear a single peep on the ride to Mom's. (as opposed to the ride on bath day when they each caterwauled the whole way there and back) I carried them into the apartment and back to the spare room. Malkin immediately bolted out of the room to explore, Nightshade went straight under the bed.
I left them with my parents when I went to work the next day. The landlord called to tell me that the roofers hadn't quite finished, so they'd be back tomorrow. Another night with the parents. Malkin didn't mind- he was having quite a good time with belly rubs on demand and new furniture to rub his face on and mark as his. Nightshade was still under the bed.
Since I usually go over to Mom's after work on Fridays, I left the cats there again for the day and planned to take them home late that night/Saturday morning. Wouldn't you know? Day 3 and Nightshade finally gets brave enough to venture out of the bedroom. She has an incredibly long little neck, and when she sits up and stretches her head out to investigate things she looks like a little meerkat. She wouldn't let us pet her and would bolt if we reached for her, but she did explore, play tag with her brother, and rub her face on the few surfaces he missed. The best moment was around 2 a.m. She'd bolted down the hall after Malkin and disappeared. I figured she'd gone back under the bed until I heard my dad yelp. Shady came tearing back into the living room and jumped into my lap. My dad came out a minute later, half-asleep and laughing. It seems that little Miss Braveheart had ventured into territory that even Greymalkin the Bold had avoided and gone into Dad's room. She jumped onto the bed- she's so small that he didn't feel that, and he wouldn't have known she was there if she hadn't headbutted him and stuck her cold little nose into his ear!
Wrestleing the brats back into the carrier took all 3 of us. They didn't want to go. I let them out when we got home, they both went and sniffed around our house and came back to me. It was clear that they wanted to go back to the other place. I don't know if they just liked it that much, or if there's still a lot of Felicity's scent in our house and it bothers them that they don't know where she is.
The street I live on is fairly narrow and has steep drainage ditches on either side, so there's no street parking. I was informed of this after I was at work and therefore unable to ask any of my neighbors if I could park in their driveways. (Somehow I didn't think they'd be too thrilled to have me knocking on their doors at midnight when I got home to ask) I was left with two choices- park in the Kroger parking lot 1/4 mile form the house and hike to/from my car, or go stay with the parents. Add in the fact that there would be NO sleeping going on once the work started, and the noise was likely to give my idiot kittens a breakdown, the parents looked like the best option.
Mom couldn't contain her laughter when I called to ask. She agreed to let me bring the cats on the condition that they be locked in the room with me when I went to bed. Gramma's cat tried to kill her by sitting on her face when she was a baby and she's had a phobia about it ever since. I didn't have the heart to tell her that Felicity (sob) would have been the one most likely to do that, but agreed quickly before she could change her mind.
Running home after work, I discovered both cats had crawled into the big carrier. They'd been sleeping together in it since coming home from Bath Day. I flipped the door shut, packed my clothes and some kitty supplies and hauled everything to the car. Amazingly, being in the box together kept them calm- I didn't hear a single peep on the ride to Mom's. (as opposed to the ride on bath day when they each caterwauled the whole way there and back) I carried them into the apartment and back to the spare room. Malkin immediately bolted out of the room to explore, Nightshade went straight under the bed.
I left them with my parents when I went to work the next day. The landlord called to tell me that the roofers hadn't quite finished, so they'd be back tomorrow. Another night with the parents. Malkin didn't mind- he was having quite a good time with belly rubs on demand and new furniture to rub his face on and mark as his. Nightshade was still under the bed.
Since I usually go over to Mom's after work on Fridays, I left the cats there again for the day and planned to take them home late that night/Saturday morning. Wouldn't you know? Day 3 and Nightshade finally gets brave enough to venture out of the bedroom. She has an incredibly long little neck, and when she sits up and stretches her head out to investigate things she looks like a little meerkat. She wouldn't let us pet her and would bolt if we reached for her, but she did explore, play tag with her brother, and rub her face on the few surfaces he missed. The best moment was around 2 a.m. She'd bolted down the hall after Malkin and disappeared. I figured she'd gone back under the bed until I heard my dad yelp. Shady came tearing back into the living room and jumped into my lap. My dad came out a minute later, half-asleep and laughing. It seems that little Miss Braveheart had ventured into territory that even Greymalkin the Bold had avoided and gone into Dad's room. She jumped onto the bed- she's so small that he didn't feel that, and he wouldn't have known she was there if she hadn't headbutted him and stuck her cold little nose into his ear!
Wrestleing the brats back into the carrier took all 3 of us. They didn't want to go. I let them out when we got home, they both went and sniffed around our house and came back to me. It was clear that they wanted to go back to the other place. I don't know if they just liked it that much, or if there's still a lot of Felicity's scent in our house and it bothers them that they don't know where she is.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Monday Musings- Herding Cats
After losing Felicity to a combination of illness & fleas, I decided to get more active in the battle with the little bloodsuckers. So on Sunday, I flea-bombed my house and took Greymalkin & Nightshade over to Mom's for a bath while the fogging was going on.
Malkin's previous experience with a bath came about 6 years ago. My parents were visiting from NC & Mom decided the cats needed baths. She optimistically filled my kitchen sink with water and dunked Felicity first. Liss screamed, shot 6 ft up to the ceiling, landed back in the water and then went for Mom's throat. Mom still swears she was trying to escape over her shoulder- I saw the murderous look in Felicity's eyes and know better. You'd think the boy would have seen what was going on and fled, but silly Malkin sat there and watched. When his turn came, he thought playing dead would work so he went limp...unfortunately he did that AFTER Mom planted him in the sink, so he got scrubbed anyway.
He didn't go limp this time, but he was a lot more cooperative than I expected him to be. Mom had filled the tub with some warm water and I dropped him in. He froze at first, and then started half-heartedly trying to get away from me. We did ok until it was time to wash his head- we had a bit of panic then. But he survived and even enjoyed being blown dry.
Then it was Nightshade's turn. This was a little trickier. She still has all her claws and has no qualms about using them. I got slashed just stuffing her into the pet carrier for the ride over to Mom's. I went to the dollar store and picked up some oven mitts- we cut the fingertips off and slid them over our forearms for protection. This turned out to be the best idea I've had for some time. Since Shady went into the carrier fighting, I was afraid she'd come out the same way. I opened the door and she bolted- straight into the water, because I was smart enough to open the thing over the tub.
She didn't freak out as badly as we were afraid she would. Not at first, anyway. We splashed water gently over her and sudsed her up with the flea shampoo. She grumbled a little (Nightshade is a fairly talkative kitty), but was ok padding around the bottom of the tub and making the odd attempt at escape. Everything was fine until we turned the shower attachment on to rinse her off. I don't know if it was the sound of the thing, or just the indignity of being soaked further, but Nightshade FREAKED. This is where those oven mitt arm guards came in VERY handy.
Poor little kitty. She screamed as though we were poking her with hot irons and did her best to go over/around/through us to get away. We kept pushing her back into the water and finally decided we'd gotten her rinsed well enough and folded her into fluffy towels to be dried off. Since she runs when I blow MY hair dry, I decided it would probably be best not to try using the dryer on her. She lay in my arms, breathing heavily, but slowly began to relax as she realize the bath was over.
Mom had set up her spare room as a kitty sanctuary for them to relax in after the bathing process. After about an hour, Malkin was ready to come explore the apartment. He had a very good time poking around and having attention lavished on him. Shady, on the other hand, went under the bed and stayed there. She wouldn't come out to eat, even when I put a dish down less than a foot from the foot of the bed.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Monday Musings- The Things We Get At Work, and Why Can't I Shoot Some of These Clowns?
Two
officers (one a well-known goofball) come in lugging a heavy looking
metal box and looking a bit nervous. I walk up to the window and the
goof says to me “I forget- what’s
the property room policy on explosives?” I looked him straight in the
eye and said “if it goes BOOM, you will be going to your eternal rest
approximately 10 seconds before I die, with my hands locked around your
throat and my foot lodged squarely up your ass.
Now what’s really in the box?”
It
turned out that the bomb squad had taken the really dangerous stuff-
all they had was the box with a bunch of books on bomb making. Goofball
looked at his partner and said
“You know, I could walk in here with a severed head and she’d just look
at me and tell me I’m a doofus.”
Monday, June 4, 2012
Monday Musings- Ooops, I lost it again...
Hello, my name is Mickey, and I suffer from extreme road rage. Seriously. I don't even have to be the one driving- the rare occasions when I'm the passenger will STILL see me screaming at other cars. (Most of my friends find this to be hysterically funny)I've had an ex ask me if I knew I developed Tourette's syndrome when I was behind the wheel of a car, only to be confounded when I screamed at people while HE was driving. I've been told I should be a NYC cab driver.
George Carlin had a routine about sharing the road, where he mused "Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, while anyone going faster is a maniac?" My addendum to that is "and they're all total asshats!"
I hate slow drivers. I hate drivers who go on for miles with their turn signals blinking forever. (How do you NOT know that? My car sounds an alarm if the signal blinks for more than a few minutes) I really hate the people who are so busy yapping on their cell phones that they forget to pay attention to the fact that they are behind the wheel of a potentially lethal piece of machinery. (I must confess that I am bad about that sort of thing, which is EXACTLY why I rarely make/take calls while I'm driving) These are the morons who either get so involved in their talk that they don't realize they've slowed down to well below the speed limit/drift over into my lane and then give me a dirty look when I honk & flip them off/realize at the last minute that they're passing their exit and cut me off trying to get to it.
More dislikes: drivers who act as though they don't know people on an entrance ramp will need to be in THAT lane and don't get over (if possible, I realize it isn't always feasible) and/or get so close to my car that they can see the whites of my eyes. (These people also get a good look at my tonsils why I'm screaming curses at them) Drivers who follow the herd instinct and park their car right beside mine, ususally so close that I can barely get in/out. (These are the same kind of people who look at a mostly empty movie theater and then choose to sit directly in front of me) Drivers who think it is THEIR job to enforce the speed limit and try to act as rolling roadblocks to make YOU slow down. (my least-favorite ex, Schmucknuts, would do that- I told him once that if the guy he pulled that on killed him, I'd testify that he had it coming)
Drivers who throw their trash and/or cigarettes out the window while driving. Thanks for obscuring my vision with your burger wrapper, or setting my paint on fire with your cigarette!
Drivers who view driving in inclement weather as a personal challenge. I am a leadfoot. I know this, my friends/family know this, and police officers know this. (Thank heaven I work for the local PD, and most of them are content to let me off with a scolding or I'd have probably lost my license by now. LOL) But even *I* slow down for rain & snow. Especially snow. I grew up at the beach- we rarely had snow there. Despite having lived here for 14 years, I am not comfortable driving in it and admit I become one of the slowpoke drivers I normally hate, but I always stay in the far right lane and try not to impede faster moving traffic. Even so, if the snow is falling so fast that windshield wipers can't keep up, and the roads have clearly not been treated/cleared, SLOW THE F*** DOWN. I can't tell you how many wrecks I've seen as a result of some idiot thinking they're Speed Racer in a blizzard. (I'm only on the road in that kind of weather if I absolutely HAVE to go to/from work) One of the best moments of my life was when I got to witness a police officer from the local 'rich' area (of COURSE they have their own PD) come flying up past me, only to lose control of his car on an on-ramp, and go flying in circles into a semi who had pulled over to wait for better visibility. Why YES, the officer from MY PD & I had a good time filling out the report for that one.
I'm sure there are many other things that irritate me while driving. I could keep going on, but you get the idea. I also realize that I probably irritate the hell out of other people on the road. That's their problem- they can get their own blog.
Heh.
George Carlin had a routine about sharing the road, where he mused "Have you ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, while anyone going faster is a maniac?" My addendum to that is "and they're all total asshats!"
I hate slow drivers. I hate drivers who go on for miles with their turn signals blinking forever. (How do you NOT know that? My car sounds an alarm if the signal blinks for more than a few minutes) I really hate the people who are so busy yapping on their cell phones that they forget to pay attention to the fact that they are behind the wheel of a potentially lethal piece of machinery. (I must confess that I am bad about that sort of thing, which is EXACTLY why I rarely make/take calls while I'm driving) These are the morons who either get so involved in their talk that they don't realize they've slowed down to well below the speed limit/drift over into my lane and then give me a dirty look when I honk & flip them off/realize at the last minute that they're passing their exit and cut me off trying to get to it.
More dislikes: drivers who act as though they don't know people on an entrance ramp will need to be in THAT lane and don't get over (if possible, I realize it isn't always feasible) and/or get so close to my car that they can see the whites of my eyes. (These people also get a good look at my tonsils why I'm screaming curses at them) Drivers who follow the herd instinct and park their car right beside mine, ususally so close that I can barely get in/out. (These are the same kind of people who look at a mostly empty movie theater and then choose to sit directly in front of me) Drivers who think it is THEIR job to enforce the speed limit and try to act as rolling roadblocks to make YOU slow down. (my least-favorite ex, Schmucknuts, would do that- I told him once that if the guy he pulled that on killed him, I'd testify that he had it coming)
Drivers who throw their trash and/or cigarettes out the window while driving. Thanks for obscuring my vision with your burger wrapper, or setting my paint on fire with your cigarette!
Drivers who view driving in inclement weather as a personal challenge. I am a leadfoot. I know this, my friends/family know this, and police officers know this. (Thank heaven I work for the local PD, and most of them are content to let me off with a scolding or I'd have probably lost my license by now. LOL) But even *I* slow down for rain & snow. Especially snow. I grew up at the beach- we rarely had snow there. Despite having lived here for 14 years, I am not comfortable driving in it and admit I become one of the slowpoke drivers I normally hate, but I always stay in the far right lane and try not to impede faster moving traffic. Even so, if the snow is falling so fast that windshield wipers can't keep up, and the roads have clearly not been treated/cleared, SLOW THE F*** DOWN. I can't tell you how many wrecks I've seen as a result of some idiot thinking they're Speed Racer in a blizzard. (I'm only on the road in that kind of weather if I absolutely HAVE to go to/from work) One of the best moments of my life was when I got to witness a police officer from the local 'rich' area (of COURSE they have their own PD) come flying up past me, only to lose control of his car on an on-ramp, and go flying in circles into a semi who had pulled over to wait for better visibility. Why YES, the officer from MY PD & I had a good time filling out the report for that one.
I'm sure there are many other things that irritate me while driving. I could keep going on, but you get the idea. I also realize that I probably irritate the hell out of other people on the road. That's their problem- they can get their own blog.
Heh.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Monday Musings- things not to say to me at work when I'm tired and cranky and my responses to them
1.
You look tired. (No, really? Silly me, I thought I looked bright eyed and bushy tailed)
2.
*coworker, snapping* I don’t need any input from you, I know
how to do this. (seconds later) Um, how do I do this? (Kiss my ass,
bitch, you said you knew what you were doing)
3.
Are you having a bad day? (no, I always bite my lip until it bleeds)
4.
*person on phone telling long rambling story that is of no concern to me at all* blah blah, protecting the criminals and not the victims, and you sound like you don’t even care. (you’re right, I don’t)
5.
Did you want to finish your dinner before you start
this? (I’d love to finish my dinner instead of entering your stupid
search warrant, but I can’t eat with you standing there staring at me
AND my coworkers telling me you’re there, as
if I don’t see/hear you)
6.
Why don’t you ever look happy? (I work here, idiot, what do you think?)
7.
There’s another officer at the window. (Did I miss
your promotion to management? I’m dealing with an idiot phone call, my
computer is locked up, and he’s not going anywhere. If you’re that
concerned, type your shit in faster and get
him yourself)
8.
You’re going to hate me for this….. (Yep)
9.
Are you sure I need a report number for this? (No, I
just like to hear you call dispatch- WE ARE GOING INTO YEAR 4 ON THIS
SYSTEM, YES YOU NEED A %$*@%*@%&*@#%&* REPORT NUMBER)
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