As you may be aware, I work in a police department property room. We are responsible for the cataloguing and storing of evidence & found/personal property that comes in, as well as the documentation for said items. We often have clashes with officers who either think we're inferior because we're not sworn officers like they are, don't think it's important to follow the policies & procedures we have in place (which are generally for their protection AND ours), or who are just plain dumb. Now, I know there are days when *I* do/say dumb things, and we all have days like that. However, some of our crew have raised Being Stupid &/or Contrary to an art form. I have begun a series of letters that I'd love to send, but am not able to. (in most cases, that's probably a good thing) So here is one of the entries in the "Dear Officer" files, which I probably will turn into a book some day.
Please note- I truly respect ideals of the police department, and generally like and adore many of the officers that I come into contact with. But there are some...well, just read for yourself.....
1. Shut up.
2. Yes, you really have to fill out yet another piece of paperwork when you take money on a drug case.
3. Shut up.
4. Yes, you have to fill it out now.
5. Shut up.
6. No, WE do not fill it out for you.
7. Seriously, SHUT UP.
8. Yes, we WILL call your Sgt. and you may feel free to call ours if you’re going to have a hissy fit about this.
10. What exactly is the problem? You write the same thing on the form that you wrote on your citation. It’s just another form, and if you’d shut up and just filled the damned thing out while we put your stuff in, you’d have been done by now.
11. Once more, with feeling- SHUT UP!
12. Please leave now. I feel my IQ dropping.
13. Oh, yeah, SHUT UP.