Happy 4th of July!

I don't think I'm doing anything to celebrate it. My guy and I were going to go to a movie or something, but he was informed that he has a detail at the last minute. Sigh. Hazards of dating a cop. So I'll probably just read/sleep/cross stitch/watch a movie. In other words, business as usual.

Actually, there is one more thing I need to make a point of doing...It's my beloved Uncle John's birthday! I need to call and remind him of how much I love him.

That's him on the left. Isn't he a cute old devil?!?

Just dropping by to say hi...

Dad is being moved to the rehab wing today! They finally got his lung infection and stomach bug cleared up enough to let him have real food (pureed, ick, but real food) for the last couple of days and as a result, he is now strong enough for the physical therapy. We're hoping this means he'll get to come home sooner than later!

Not much else to report right now.

The Surgery Story (may be long & rambling- my brain is not totally functional right now)

So Daddy's heart surgery was on Friday. The planned procedures were: replacing 2 heart valves, doing one bypass, and scarring on a chamber to alleviate his A-fib.

My sisters arrived on Thursday. All four of them. This was a surprise to us, because we were told only one would be able to come after it had been re-scheduled. Only 2 of my BILs were brave enough to come along for this adventure. To be fair, Sandra's husband Eddie was in the hospital with congestive respiratory failure himself, but he insisted she come be with Dad.

We met at the hospital at 5 a.m. Friday. They took Dad back almost immediately, and we were allowed to come back for hugs/kisses/prayers before they took him off to surgery. The nurse took one look at us and asked "Is this ALL of them?" The look on her face when we said no was priceless.

Waiting is the worst. Around 7-8, we went to the cafeteria for breakfast. I'm a nervous eater and apparently so are my sisters. That place made a lot of money on us that morning! I took coffee & a danish back to Mom and we all sat around playing the waiting game. Sandra called the hospital back home to get an update on Eddie and scared us all to death when she burst into tears. It turned out to be a good cry though- they told her that he was off the breathing tubes and doing just fine. In fact he was fussing about wanting something to eat.

Sometime around 11-12, the surgeon came out to talk to us. He said Daddy had made it through the surgery like a champ! They wound up being able to replace the leaky heart valves instead of having to replace them, so the operation was less invasive/involved than they expected. (YAY) He also said that Daddy should be good for at least 10 more years now. (oh boy) It was going to be at least 2 hours before we could go back and see him, so we opted to go get lunch.

On the way to the parking garage, everything just hit me at once. I started bawling, much to the horror of my brothers. JR is normally a smart ass, but he was the first one to hug me and THEN he started picking on me to get me to stop crying. Roy started crying when I did, much to Audrey's disgust. Anyway, we all dried up after a minute or two and headed out.

We went to a Mexican restaurant near their hotel for lunch. They'd stopped in for Margaritas the night before and the host remembered them. (not entirely a surprise, given our family) Apparently he was so taken with the pack of us that he started pulling the staff out of the kitchen to gawk at us. The food was really good, though.

Saturday is kind of a blur. Daddy was still heavily drugged, so we took turns going in to sit with him. He did blink at us and squeeze our hands, so we knew it was really him in there. The ICU would only let us in 2 at a time for 10 minutes per pair. At the end of afternoon visiting hours, Sandra & I went shopping while the others went back to the hotel to pack up and move to a new one. Because the PGA championship was in town, hotel rooms were hard to come by and the 6 of them wound up having to share one room for Saturday night. I won't go into details about the dance off that took place before I left them for the night other than to say that Sandra & Audrey are wild women and should know better than to twerk.

Audrey, Roy, & Sandra had to leave Sunday morning. Daddy was still pretty out of it, but was fussing about his breathing tubes. The rest of us spent the day in and out.

Brenda, Angie, & JR left early Monday morning. Shortly after that, Dad managed to pull out his breathing tubes. Mom & I flew down to the hospital and were told that he'd thrown up while they were examining him to see how much damage he'd done to himself and aspirated some of it into his lungs. They were afraid they'd have to cut him open again to clean out his lungs, but were eventually able to flush everything out. He kept fighting the oxygen and other masks they tried to put on him in place of the breathing tubes, so they had to drug him senseless again and put him in restraints. And put the breathing tube back in. Needless to say, I didn't make it to work yesterday.

Today, after a night under sedation and lots of oxygen forced into him, Dad is MUCH improved. The doctors are optimistic that he'll be off the vents by Thursday, and if so, he can be moved into regular recovery. He waved at me when I stopped in to visit before work, and winked at me when I told him that I'd bought his lottery tickets for the weekend.

Then I made the mistake of coming to work. Psycho is giving me the silent treatment because I had the nerve to put my Dad before this hell hole, and if she rolls her eyes one more time when one of my friends drops in to hug me and ask about Dad, I am going to roll her head across the floor.

Yeah, life is getting back to normal.

The Great Spencer Family Reunion

So, we were supposed to leave for NC after I got off work on the 2nd, but my parents forgot and scheduled lab work for Dad on the morning of the 3rd. So we planned to leave at 8 a.m. instead. Needless to say it was 9:30 before we actually got underway. Partly because nobody could get up & moving, and partly because I had to totally unpack & repack the damn trunk in order to get my stuff in. (We took their car)

The drive wasn't too awful to start. Traffic was tolerable, the roads were fairly clear, and we didn't hit much construction. The first hiccup came when we were entering Winston-Salem NC. Mom was driving. The exit we have to take to get to I-40 is an ugly, sharp curve with about a 6 ft merge lane and even *I* mumble prayers on it. Mom, for some reason, gunned the engine as we were getting to the sharpest point on the curve and forgot to turn the wheels, so we nearly went careening into the guard rail. Daddy squawked about it for the next 30 miles.

Second hiccup came as we got on Hwy 264 to head toward the swamp. At that point, we were racing Hurricane Arthur to the upper NC coast. I was driving into heavy sporadic bursts of rain that were totally blinding. We got to Washington (where I was going to be staying)at about 11. The sky fell apart right after we got into our rooms and I was quite grateful to be off the road. We had a couple of brief power failures, but nothing too horrible.

Next morning: Loaded the parents & some extra supplies we were asked to bring into the car and headed to Englehard. Google maps said to look for State Road X on the directions to Cousin Josephine's house. What they/we didn't know is that it has since been given a street name. My father very (un)helpfully told me that I should have turned AFTER I passed it. Sigh. We finally got there, taking a ridiculously long way around. Jo was very happy to see us and horrified that I was going to be driving back & forth to Washington every day we were there while my parents stayed with her. (it was only 90 minutes each way, LOL) I promised her I'd be fine. Her power, as most of the town's, had been knocked out by the storm. She had a generator running, so there was a/c. We had to go buy more gas for it, and get another cousin to get it running again. I could have figured it out, but Jo was insistent that "one of those useless boys" should do it for her.

We got Uncle John on the phone, only to find out that he & Cousin Henderson weren't going to arrive until Saturday. So we sang Happy Birthday to him and tried to figure out where we were going to store the sheet cake we'd ordered so the frosting wouldn't melt.

My sisters Angie & Audrey arrived with their husbands. Like me, they were staying in Washington & commuting all weekend. We sat around chatting for hours while Jo called every relative she had a number for to tell them we were there. (Quick note- Jo is about 3-5 years younger than Dad, but is his niece. It amused me to hear this elder woman call him Uncle Leonard all weekend. They were pretty much raised as siblings) The utility company got the power restored at 4 (to everyone's relief) and we found out that the local seafood restaurant that everyone loved was going to be open at 5:30, so plans were made to go there for dinner.

I have to say, the food was pretty good. I tried their fried flounder (yum!) and fried okra (even better!) and had a hush-puppy eating contest with my BIL J.R. (I won) The siblings headed back to town, while I drove the old folks back to Jo's. They made me promise not to stay too long as everyone was nervous about me driving through the swamp by myself after dark. I don't know why- even *I* know not to speed in unfamiliar territory with steep curves and flooded canals on each side of the highway, especially in a racist-run county on a holiday speed-trap weekend. I had to promise to text/call everyone when I got back to the hotel.

Decided to go to Wal-Mart when I got back to Washington, but I duly texted everyone to let them know I'd arrived safely. Wandered around for longer than I intended, so it was about 10 when I pulled into the hotel parking lot. My sibs were out in the parking lot watching the fireworks and waiting for me to get there. They'd all left their phones in their rooms, so they hadn't seen my message. Roy told me that they'd just been debating on whether or not they should go look for me. We watched the end of the fireworks and decided to call it a night.

Saturday- The festivities weren't supposed to start until 3, so I had told everyone not to expect me much before that. So, of course I got a zillion phone calls wanting to know if I was ok, if I was lost, and when I'd be arriving.

Let me tell you something about my dad's family. There are a LOT of them. Dad is the 2nd youngest of 23 kids. (only 4 are still with us) Most of them produced a large number of children, who followed the same route. There were about 150 people there Saturday and that wasn't even 1/3 of the family. Amusingly enough, to me anyway, out of all those people, there was still nobody that really looked like me. Saw lots of dopplegangers of my sibs and their kids, though! We managed to get most everyone herded over to the tent that had been set up for the cook-out and had a presentation of birthday acknowledgements for Uncle John and some cousins who'd had birthdays recently, and then they had this pastor get up to deliver a sermon/prayer.

Yeah, I'm still a heathen. And this guy was a holy roller, hell-fire & brimstone preacher. Mom swatted me for giggling several times throughout the service. At one point, he went on for 10 minutes about how all problems could be solved by "putting the blood (of Christ) on them." I bit my lip until it bled, but kept quiet until he said to tell your boss-man that "you're going to put the blood on him so he won't bring you down!" All I could think of was what the expression on my boss' face would be and how quickly he'd have me served with a mental inquest warrant if I said that in our office and I lost it. Luckily I buried my face in my hands to stifle the giggles, so all anyone saw was my shoulders shaking and feet tapping, so they all assumed I was "caught up in the spirit" and nobody was offended. When I regained my composure, I looked around and you could tell which cousins weren't exactly comfortable with that type of ministry because they were all shifting restlessly in their spots. The final straw was when the pastor began pointedly preaching about how God created MAN and WOMAN and they should remain as God created them. Kind of brassy when you realized (as many of us did over the course of the weekend) that the cousin who had spearheaded the reunion and booked this clown was Transgender. Not cool. What happened to letting God be the only judge?

Anyway, he finally put a sock in it and we got to eat. The food wasn't the greatest, but it wasn't awful. We had to all but drag Uncle John over to cut his birthday cake. He was determined not to be the center of attention and cousins Niesha, Charvella, & I were equally determined that he was. One of the sweetest moments, and I'm still kicking myself for not getting a picture of it, was when the oldest Spencer male presented the first piece of cake to the youngest Spencer boy present. Little Damarion, age 1, had no idea why we were all cheering and clapping, but he was happy to scarf down that cake!

I didn't stay for the dance that was scheduled later. I was developing a sick headache and wanted to go back to the hotel to try to sleep it off.

We were supposed to leave right after they went to church Sunday morning. I was tasked with picking up the fried chicken order for the fellowship dinner and delivering it before collecting my parents for the trip home. We didn't get back on the road until almost 4, much to my dismay. I'll spare my reader/s the details of the drive home except to say that my mother still apparently can't drive and read road signs, my father is still a pain in the butt about wrong turns and getting in/out of the car in a timely fashion, and I got a damned speeding ticket in VA. (GRRR) Oh, and we didn't get to my house until 6 a.m. Monday.

As a result of the travel stress, my CFS has flared up big time; my face has broken out; and my knees/back ache like hell. But it made Daddy & Uncle John very happy that we went, so that makes it worth all the aggravation.

Next year's reunion is tentatively scheduled for August. I'm not going. I swore that if I traveled anywhere next year, it would be to England, and I'm not giving it up for anybody!

Oy Vey

So, we're leaving for NC. At the same time a tropical storm is supposed to wash ashore. Can't reach the cousin who planned the reunion to find out if there is a contingency plan and my insane parents think we should go anyway. I'm going, but I refuse to be happy about it.

Monthly Goals- sigh

These were the June goals:

1. Move back into the main bedroom

2. still trying to excavate Laundry Mountain

3. totally clean out my poor car

4. clean out current bedroom

5. create order out of the 5 boxes & innumerable bags of stitch stash

6. take another box of books to Half Price Books

7. Finish the birthday card I started stitching for Uncle John LAST year so I can give it to him THIS year.

8. take 3 bags of culled wardrobe items to Goodwill

9. create a packing list for the July family reunion trip (summer in the swamp...joy...)

10. get the window unit a/c re-installed in the living room.


What did I manage to accomplish? Next to nothing. I did numbers 3, 9, and 10.

So, the July goals are to work on the 7 items I didn't get done in June. And to start job hunting again.

Odds and Bobs for the week

Our Lt is transferring to another office. One of the possibilities for his replacement is someone I've worked with before and get along with very well. Hoping he gets it.

Our Sgt is 4th on the promotions list for Lt and will probably be gone by the end of the year. *happydancing*

My cats have apparently decided that they'd rather live outside. Yes, both of them. I give up.

The family reunion in the swamp is next week. Not looking forward to it.

Dad's heart surgery is being scheduled for the end of July. The doctors are VERY encouraging about it.

I have a date Saturday night. Not sure how that happened. We'll see what happens.

What doesn't kill me makes me stronger...

So right now I should be able to take on freaking Samson, or be Atlas with the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Daddy & Uncle John are both now in the hospital.

I can't take much more of this.

The Great Cousin Visit

So, my cousins Chad & Melissa were here for Derby weekend. We didn't go to the race- I'm not setting foot at the track unless I'm getting paid lots of money and don't have to fight the crowd. Here's a look at the 4-5 days they were here:

Thursday night: After numerous airline schedule changes, they finally arrived around 11 p.m. So of course I had an officer come in with a search warrant at 10:15 that held me up until 10:45. The parents & I all met them and it was decided we'd go to Steak & Shake for their first meal here. The service was half-assed and Mom took a wrong turn leaving the airport, so she & Dad didn't get there until 30 minutes after we did. Not that we'd gotten our food, anyway.
After eating, we got to my house to discover that A: The air mattress had deflated, and B: the new pump I'd had to rush out and buy wasn't working right. Back in the car to the all-night Walmart.

Friday: Oaks day, so I HAD to work. We took them to Empress of China for lunch and Mom took them sightseeing while I worked. Mom brought over a pot of Pigs In the Blanket (stuffed cabbage or cabbage rolls to most of the world) for us to have for dinner when I got home.

Saturday: Chad & I convinced Mel that she REALLY didn't want to take the two of us into the kind of crowd you can expect at Derby. WE compromised on going out to the track on Sunday to take pictures in our Derby outfits. So what did we do instead? Krispy Kreme for breakfast (OMG, the sugar rush)and then we went to the zoo- where the half of Louisville with small children that didn't go to the track was. We spent forever hiking around (didn't think to buy tram tickets w/admittance and nobody had cash after the fact) in full sunlight. Did any of us think to put on sunscreen? Hell no. Half the animals were hiding, the other half just gazed at us like WE were the exhibits, and we paid way too much for snacks. Back to Walmart for sunburn remedies for them and a Derby hat for me. Arby's for lunch/dinner. Went to see Captain America: The Winter Soldier which was amazingly good. (not my favorite Marvel Hero, but found myself being sucked in) Then we rented another movie (Now You See Me- awesome!) and called it a night.

Sunday: Got up and went to Churchill Downs for pictures. Mel & I dressed up, Chad was dressed down, but we made him coordinate with us. LOL. We tried on expensive hats in the Derby gift shop, bought some souvenirs from the clearance stalls, and headed home to change clothes. Helen next door was working in her yard, so we asked her to get a few pics of all 3 of us (one of the few times I have willingly posed for pics lately) and then hit Chili's for lunch. (yes, we eat a lot) We drove down to E-town & Ft. Knox, visited another Walmart, and had Waffle House for dinner- Mel was horrified and awed by the service and we had a good laugh at her expense. Rented another movie (Free Birds- amusing), again, called it a night.

Monday: Had BBQ for breakfast/lunch and then went looking for Gallopalooza horses. Wandered around downtown for a bit, hit Dairy Queen for a snack, and then drove to Bernheim Forest to see what we could. Found a great tree for climbing, if only I could. Chad succeeded. Then over to Mom's for Fleishkele, wrestling, and an epic battle of Hand & Foot. (our family favorite card game, but you need at least 4 people to play it well so we don't get to play it often)

Tuesday: The airline changed their departure schedule, so instead of noon, they left at 8 p.m. So Mom took us to brunch at Mimi's cafe, we stopped the bookstore for my British magazines and we went back downtown to tour the Evan Williams artisan bourbon distillery...where we learned that I still don't like bourbon, Mel REALLY doesn't like bourbon, and Chad will drink anything, but said bourbon was not his favorite form of alcohol. We did all agree that bourbon balls are the most acceptable form for us and bought some in the gift shop on our way out. Had our final meal together (sob) at Panera and then went home for them to finish packing and it was off to the airport.


It was a good time, and much more fun than my capsule description made it sound. I was amazed at how quickly my cats sold me out- Malkin loves everybody and thinks everybody should love him, so his friendliness did NOT surprise me. Nightshade, on the other hand...she spent the first 2 days hiding under my bed. Then she decided that they must be ok, and came out to be amazingly friendly. She was all over Chad (I'm attributing that to the fact that he's a male version of me) and allowed Mel to pet her, but not pick her up.

Chad & Mel texted me later that evening to let me know that they'd gotten safely back to Spokane. They're thinking about moving here if Chad can find a job, so hopefully I'll get to see more of them in the future!

What a Month!

Yes, I'm still alive. No, I didn't make most of the April goals. Here's a list of what has been going on:

1. Laundry Mountain is still alive & well and un-excavated. I put up a curtain rod and screened off the utility room when Chad & Mel came to visit.

2. The spare bedroom was MOSTLY cleaned out. I couldn't get some of the boxes & totes up to the attic alone and didn't have anyone to help me do it, so they got stacked in one corner of the room with a sheet thrown over them. There was plenty of room left for the airbed, the guests, and their luggage, so it all worked out.

3. Ditto for the living room. In fact, I had forgotten how big both rooms were without all the piles of crap I'd let accumulate.

4. LOTS of trash got taken out. In fact, my cans were full to overflowing for the last 4 pick-ups before the cousins arrived. The trash guys asked if I was moving and seemed heartened by my assuring them I was not.

5. People will take anything. I had put an old floor lamp that no longer worked out next to the trash cans. It was gone by morning.

6. Cleaning binges give my cats nervous breakdowns. They had no idea what was going on.

More later...

Still here...sort of

The last few months have been filled with drama & trauma, but things seem to be levelling out again. I hope to resume blogging regularly. A short list of what's been going on:

1. Dad's 80th birthday party trip.

2. Iowa family gathering

3. I was hospitalized twice due to blood pressure issues (not fun)

4. The usual work drama, only I didn't get blamed for everything for a change and someone else got into serious trouble. (HAH!)

5. I played Candy Crush so obsessively that I reached the final (as of now) level and am dying of impatience as I wait for them to create more.


I've also read a ton of books that need to be reviewed and done a little cross-stitching.

More soon, I hope!

The Great Daddy-Daughter Road Trip (longish, and this is the abbreivated version!)

This is why there were no posts last week:

So, since my trip to BEA didn't work out, I offered to drive my dad down to NC to see family. We're going in September for his birthday, but he's really been wanting to go sooner, so I sucked it up and made the offer. The original plan was that I'd drive him down, hand him off to my sister in Charlotte, and she'd take him to see the other relatives in NC & VA. We'd meet somewhere along the way & I'd take him back home. I was supposed to be relaxing & visiting high school/college friends while this was going on. Mom couldn't go with us as she started training for her new job with the Census Bureau.

Needless to say, this didn't quite happen. Audrey got a new job at the last minute and wasn't going to be free to travel. I wound up driving approximately 1800 miles in 5 days. We started with the drive down to Charlotte on Thursday. Got a later start than intended (I don't think I've done a trip in the last 5 years that started on time) thanks to being held over at work the night before and Nightshade once again channeling her inner escape artist as I was trying to pack up the car to go.

The drive down was fairly uneventful, until we got to Charlotte. Dad called Audrey to let her know we were in town and she said we should come to her house first & then my BIL would show us to the hotel where we'd be staying. It wasn't the one I had directions for (of course) and it took a few minutes and one wrong turn to get where we needed to be. Then we couldn't see any of the street numbers to find her house, so we had to call and have her come out on the porch to guide us in. (Charlotte apparently doesn't believe in street lights)

Friday: The hotel my BIL booked us into was a Holiday Inn, but it was lovely. I wish I could have spent the entire trip in that bed, but I had to get up and meet Audrey, Roy, and their oldest daughter, Shanta, for lunch before we headed to Wilmington...which took forever because I went the way my (otherwise perfect) BIL suggested and got stuck in horrendous traffic. I had forgotten the cd's I was going to bring (we have wildly differing tastes in music, but can usually compromise on blues & some jazz) so we had whatever was in the car or could be tuned in on the radio...which lead to this conversation:

Dad: What is this we're listening to?
Me: Barry Manilow
Dad: What else you got?
Me: Rob Zombie?
Dad: ...

Got to Wilmington, checked in at the hotel, called the next sister (Sandra) and met her for dinner at one of Dad's favorite seafood places. We chatted for a bit over dinner, wound up helping Sandra fix a flat tire, and called it a night. Considered killing Dad in the C-store where we stopped for his lottery tickets & snacks when he stood in the middle of the store yelling for me to come talk to Mom on his phone instead of just coming over to where I was.

Saturday: Stopped at a local bakery for junk, Books-A-Million for some magazines (and I bought a Doctor Who beach towel), and then lunch at J Michael's Philly-Deli. Dad worked there for over 25 years, and it's always been one of my favorite places to eat, so we HAD to go there. The staff fawned all over Dad, Sandra & I ate til we were about to burst, and then we headed over to Jacksonville to spend a few hours with Uncle John. (yes, I spent most of the trip driving and eating) Uncle J had mentioned that Aunt Myrtle wasn't feeling well, so we stopped and got flowers for her. He's recovered amazingly well from his strokes last fall, and while he's still a bit fragile, he looked & sounded wonderful. As we were leaving (heading for Virginia), he decided to go get Aunt Myrt some fried chicken, which is how we found out that the old coot is still driving. *facepalm* I said, sternly, "Are you supposed to be driving?" to which he replied, head hanging, "Well, they didn't say I couldn't..." Sigh. He'll be 86 on the 4th of July and even if they take his license, he'll keep driving. Stubborn old goat. Just like his little brother...speaking of whom...

...one of the things Dad wanted to do while we were in NC was stock up on country meats & (we thought) seafood. Every city we stopped in, I asked him if he wanted to go ahead and get his meat, and every time he'd say no, we'd get it later becasue he didn't want it to go bad before we got home. Mind you, I'd lugged along 2 coolers and every hotel room we'd booked was supposed to have a fridge, but he set his mind and that was that. And the fish he wanted wasn't in season (don't ask) so that was out too, until we go back for his birthday.

The drive up to Virginia was long & dull. I kept second guessing myself on the directions (mentally, because if I'd voiced any of it out loud, Dad would never let me hear the end of it) but we finally got there. I sent my father into hysterics when I pointed at a field we were driving past and asked brightly "Is that tobacco?" Once he stopped laughing, he told me I was too much of a city kid and had clearly been in KY for too long if I didn't know the difference between corn (which is what it was) & tobacco.

We got to VA around midnight, called the last of the sisters (Angie & Brenda), and said we'd see them on Sunday.

Sunday: I was dead tired. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome & constant travel do not mix well. Since my schedule was all out of whack, my body was not happy and let me know. Everything hurt, I was totally broken out, and so exhausted that I could barely hold my head up. It was agreed that the sisters would take Dad out for the afternoon (which meant that I got out of visiting Aunt Janey Mae & Aunt Margaret- bonus!) and I would join them later for dinner. Dinner was the only meal I actually ate that day, not counting a handful of cookies from Saturday's bakery jaunt. My BIL, JR, took us to one of their favorite seafood places- Captian George's. $32 a head, but it's an enourmous seafood buffet. This is the kind of place that hates to see our extended family coming on the rare occasions we're all together because my dad & siblings can and will eat their weight in seafood. Me, they make money on because my shellfish allergy prevents me from eating most of the dishes. Luckily there were 5 fish-only dishes and something they called prime rib (more like sliced pot roast, but it wasn't bad) and an assortment of veggies for me. The looks on the face of the servers and people around us as they watched the other 4 hoovering up crab legs like there was no tomorrow was priceless. At one point, I suggested JR just pull his chair up to the steam table where the crab legs were and the poor girl clearing the empty shells from our table cracked up.

Monday: We get to make the long drive back to Louisville. The good news is that it's all I-64. The bad news is that it's all I-64. What a tedious drive! Of course, before we left VA, we had to find a grocery store for Dad to get his country meat. Did the first store have what he wanted? Hell no. I had to ask a clerk if they knew anywhere to get old fashiond country sausage and side meat. The young guy I asked looked blankly at me for a minute, said "Let me get the old guy I work with" and came back with a guy MY age in tow. (Old, my foot) Guy 2 didn't know either, but whipped out his cell phone and called HIS father, who directed us to another store about 20 minutes away. THAT store had some of what dad wanted, but not brands he knew or the variety he was looking for. I bit my lip until it bled to keep from screaming "I told you to get it in NC!" He finally picked up a couple of likely looking packages and we were on the road.

Since I didn't want to listen to the same cd's again, I plugged in my MP3 player and hit random. Dad didn't seem to mind too much at first- he was busy scratching his lottery tickets and talking to my uncle on his cell. Then I noticed the kind of sideways "what the hell?!?" look he was giving me and realized I was singing along, at the top of my lungs, to the Ramones "The KKK Took My Baby Away." Ooops. "Boy," he said wearily, "Didn't you bring ANY normal music along?"

Then we hit construction. The screaming you may have heard around 4 p.m. was probably me. 1 lane of traffic, speed limit 55, and the idiot 2 cars up is doing 40. I looked in the rearview and there was a 3 mile long line of traffic built up behind us. I suspect we were ALL screaming. This jackhole kept it up for about 30 minutes, until the road suddenly went back to 2 lanes and we all streamed past him, honking and giving the one finger salute. Dad said he appeared to be on a cell phone when we passed him.

Stopped at Tamarack near Beckley WV for dinner. It's an artisan shop with all kinds of neat handcrafted (code for expensive) items and a decent restaurant. Mom & I love to stop there. Dad does not. We stopped anyway because I was driving. Sadly we got there in just enough time to eat dinner and leave because they were closing in 15 minutes.

Into the home stretch, and we're just outside Lexington KY when my mom calls. She tells Dad that she has treats for both of us when we get home- chinese for me & KFC for him. He says he can't eat his since he has to go do fasting labs in the morning for his doctor appt Tuesday afternoon. No food after midnight and we won't get home until about 1230. Which means he needs to eat now so his sugar doesn't go wonky overnight and we have to stop at a Waffle House. *bangs head against steering wheel*

I FINALLY got home around 130 Tuesday morning. The cats were quite pleased to see me and even happier that I didn't have the energy to chase them out of my room, so they got to sleep with me. I slept 12 hours, then had to get up, wrestle the cats into their carrier (Nightshade objected most strongly and now I have an unwanted boob piercing. You're welcome for that image in your brain) and throw more clothes into the suitcase to go to Mom's. Why? Because the geniuses who were supposed to put new siding on my house after the storms LAST year finally scheduled it- for Wednesday. One night in my own bed and then 3 days at the parental abode...but that's another story...

Happy Mother's Day

thanks again to Google Images!

I want a new life. Really.

Last week, we found out that my uncle was in the hospital after a series of strokes. We dropped everything and went as soon as we could, so here is a look at seriously edited "highlights" of the latest road trip with my parents:

The overcast day turned into full fledged biblical proportion rainfall about the time we hit West Virginia. Then it turned into a massive hail storm as we went through Charleston. Ever driven on an interstate in a hail storm? I don't recommend it.

The last stretch of the trip down to Jacksonville- following our directions, we got off I-40 onto Back Road X and drove 15 or so miles before being routed onto another stretch. My mother cheerfully piped up “Oh, this must be the new highway they were working on!” Having been watching the signs, I dourly informed her that we’d just done a 15 mile side trip to be dumped back onto I-40 approximately 3 miles from where we left it in the first place.


We found our hotel and my father went straight into the room and claimed the bed closest to the TV…leaving US to unload the car. He did finally get up and grudgingly hold the room door open so we could lug in all the bags. As usual, my parents packed more luggage than the circus. They claimed every bit of storage space in the room except the little drawer that held the Gideon bible and yellow pages. I spent the weekend getting dressed out of my suitcase, which I had to haul up and down off the top of the wardrobe cabinet.

Tommy agreed to check the house and collect the mail for me since I forgot to ask a neighbor to do it. He then spent the weekend sending me texts about the stray cat in my yard (Are you sure it’s not yours? She keeps acting like I should feed her) and telling me that my neighbors came out to gawk every time he pulled up to the house.

My parents kept fighting for the larger share of the bed and blankets. Daddy finally said to Mom, “Why don’t you go sleep with your daughter?” (mind you, I was all of 3 feet away from them) Mom said “Are you crazy? Look at her!” Apparently I was stretched diagonally across the bed and spinning like a top. Daddy said later that I tossed and turned so much he thought I looked like an old fashioned egg beater. All I can say is thank heaven for my ear plugs & sleep mask. Somebody would have died without them.

Sunday, I took my dad to the Piggly Wiggly to look for his favorite country bacon & sausage. Some old church lady was there giving him the evil eye and glaring at me. I finally got tired of it, so I said “hey Dad, I’m going to look at the coffee aisle.” Turns out she thought he was a lecherous old coot and I was his younger bit of fluff. When I got back, she was flirting with him and told me how cute my daddy was. I said “my mom thinks so” and dragged ‘cutie pie’ off.

Aunt Myrt & their pastor tried to play matchmaker for me, telling me about some ‘boy’ in their congregation that I should get to know. Uncle John lifted his head and yelled “That boy is 46 years old, never kept a job, and still lives with his momma! Baby girl can do WAY better than that!”



I think there were a few more moments worth sharing, but I’m going blank right now. Anyway, Uncle John is holding on. We wanted to stay longer, but I had to come back to work, and he didn't want us to see him like that. Then, on the way out of town, my sister called to say her husband had suffered another heart attack. We detoured to Wilmington to see them, and then made the long drive home. I got home at about 4 this morning. I fell asleep around 8. Had to be at work at 2:30, so you can imagine my delight when the alarm went off....

A Surrey State of Affairs- Ceri Radford

I liked this one. Mind you, it was slightly predictable, but it was a fun light read. Especially for those of us with a fondness for British chick lit.

Constance is a middle aged woman whose life revolves around her family and her bell-ringing society and the blog where she records the goings on. She battles with her Lithuanian housekeeper, and makes several attempts at match-making for her children and acquaintances with spectacularly bad results. She doesn't understand her son at all, and her daughter drives her to the brink of despair by joining the cast of an awful reality show before running off with her husband's best friend.

The affair with the father's friend sends Constance's life into a major tailspin. Her husband becomes the target of a police investigation, admits to an affair, and they separate for a time while on a South American vacation. Constance throws caution to the wind and has the adventure of a lifetime traveling by herself for a time, and there is an ultimately happy ending.

Welcome to the biopsy story!

So, after my last 6 month checkup, I was told that the tumor on what’s left of my thyroid gland had grown again. Given the family history on both sides, and the fact that cousin Andrea is now being treated for thyroid cancer, I was less than thrilled when the doctor said, offhandedly, “I’m not sure it’s big enough yet to remove now, so let’s wait another 6 months and see what happens.” Well, what happens when you say things like that is that a 6ft Amazon goes into hysterics in your office. So the nice doctor decided that maybe we should do a biopsy, just to be on the safe side.







Next time I’ll take my chances. *halfhearted snicker* The biopsy was scheduled for 8 a.m. yesterday. My parents insisted on coming to the hospital with me, and as usual, were slightly late picking me up. The first words out of my mother’s mouth were “Are you sure you want to wear that shirt? I see a stain on it.” Way to focus on what’s important, Mom. (The shirt was clean, BTW. It was a bleach spot on the hem that old eagle eyes spotted.) Then we had to go back, because I forgot my paperwork (which it turned out the hospital didn’t need) and the little black cat took off out the door. I got back in the car and said “Let’s go” at which point both parents began questioning my decision to leave the little brat out. I pointed out that I didn’t have the time or inclination to chase her around the yard in the hopes of catching her and that she’s done this before and will be fine for the few hours I’m gone.






Did I mention that I’m doing this on about an hour of sleep? So yeah, I really needed to be second-guessed on everything that I said/did.






Mom dropped us off at the door- Dad spent so long getting out of the car that I walked off and left him to catch up. I was processed within 10 minutes of arrival and we were moved to the waiting area. For an hour. (be there at 8 a.m. my ass) They called me back and this is where the fun starts.






The tech put me on a hard gurney to do another ultrasound so the doctor doing the biopsy would know exactly where to jab me with the needle. I had to lie flat on my back on this thing for almost 45 minutes, so my (bad) back was screaming at me by the time we were done. 10 minutes later, the doctor wanders in, describes the process to me, and we begin. First the lidocaine shot to numb my throat, which felt like they were injecting liquid fire. It kicked in almost immediately, and I’m here to tell you, THAT is a very unsettling feeling. Then came the jabs for the biopsy. He had to take three sets of samples, and while I didn’t feel pain, I DID feel the needle moving around like he was Roto-Rooter cleaning a drain.






We waited about 10 minutes for pathology to verify that the samples were workable- thankfully they were- and I was cleaned up, allowed to dress and given an ice pack to hold against my throat to help prevent swelling. They told me to call my doctor in 3-4 days to hear the results.






Mom decided we needed to go to breakfast after all of this. I was ok with that, but she REALLY wanted to go to a restaurant where we’ve had a history of crappy service. Once again, it took Dad 10 minutes to get out of the damn car. (he is NOT that old & feeble. It’s some sort of passive-aggressive thing he does just to piss me off. It succeeds admirably) We would have been seated immediately had he not poked around, but 3 other families came in and were seated, and then we got to stand there for 10 minutes until the host came back. Note, the place was mostly empty.






First they seated us at a table that was filthy. I pointed out the dirt on the table and the host said he’d go get a towel to clean it. Mom said, no, something just dropped from the ceiling onto her face, and we would prefer to be moved to another table. (we should have just left then) He moved us to a booth across the room, and we were soundly ignored by the wait staff until one of them heard us discussing leaving and going to Panera instead. THEN they rushed to take our order. The girl tried to argue with me about my order- I wanted one of the breakfast specials without eggs. She said, “oh, I’ll just put it in as an a-la-carte order” meaning they would charge me per item for the French toast, juice, and bacon, and would cost twice as much as the order the WAY I FREAKING ASKED FOR IT. I told her she had better think again. Dad sat there and dithered about his order until Mom & I both gave him the death glare.






10 minutes later, we got our drinks.






20 minutes after that, after they heard us again contemplating leaving, we got our food. The bacon was cold, but tasty. The French toast was hot, but had to be cut with a knife. Seriously? How do you make French Toast so hard that you need a knife to cut it? The bill, which was the only thing to arrive promptly, was correct at the end, so apparently our little server took my snarl to heart.






We finally got out of there and my parents took me home. The little black snot was ready to go in when we got there. I had to tell my mother three times to stay where she was (she insisted on walking me to the door) so that she didn’t spook the cat and I could get her into the house. I went to bed and slept most of the rest of the day.






Oh, and my throat? Last night, my neck was swollen out to the point that I looked like a boa constrictor that was in the process of swallowing a possum. Today, the swelling is mostly gone, but I have a Technicolor bruise across my neck that looks like someone throttled me. Why yes, I have gotten some interesting looks from officers today. I’ve convinced most of them that I am NOT a domestic violence victim, but I think I’m going to start pointing at my coworkers and whispering “she did it” just to see what happens. Heh.

Monday Musings- Highlights of the most recent Highway to Hell tour

So, we recently had an Iowa relative pass away and I had to drive my parents up for the funeral. Somewhere in the archives are accountings of similar trips with my parents....they're always traumatic for me, but apparently my stories about them are great entertaiment for my friends. So with that in mind, here are some 'highlights' from our most recent trip:

1- We were supposed to leave at 10:30 Thursday morning. At 9:30, Greymalkin & Nightshade zipped out the door when I went to carry my suitcase out. Malkin recognized the “mama WILL kill you” tone of my voice when I screamed for them to get back in the house and obediently trotted back to the porch. Shady did not. I spent nearly an hour chasing her dumb butt around the house, yard, and cars before she finally decided she’d had enough and wanted to go inside. So I’m already in a good & foul mood.

2- Every stop was the same fight. First we had to battle to get my dad OUT of the car. My favorite moment was asking him why it took so long to open a door and get his legs out and he looked at me and said “I need to rest a minute first.” Rest for what? You haven’t had to do a thing but sit there for 2 hours!!! Then we’d have to fight to get him back IN the car. I sent a group of bikers into hysterics at one stop when I finally snapped and screamed “Get your withered old butt in the car NOW, dammit!”

3- We had had relatively good weather until we hit Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Then the bottom dropped out of the sky. And as we did the last 20 or so miles into Waterloo, the thunder & lightning show started. Once we hit the outskirts of town, I needed directions to the hotel. Mom looked at me blankly and said”I thought you knew how to get there.” She had the printed directions IN HER HANDS but didn’t want to turn on the lights to read them in case “it distracted you.”

4- I felt really bad for my poor cousin Katie. She just had a baby 10 days ago (the day Aunt Lora died), is dead tired, and just wants to stay home with her newborn. So of course she’s been dragged out to a family gathering and the kid is being passed around like a beer at a frat party. (She and her husband Nate fell asleep sitting up with their heads fallen sideways against each other at one point)

5- Mom's childhood friend, Gail, came to the funeral. Her daughter Pauline & I were sitting together with her 3 kids. The youngest asked if they’d been there before and was told that her great-grandpa was buried there somewhere, her grandpa was buried somewhere else, and then Gail cheerfully added “and Grandma is in my closet!” Pauline & I cracked up- it sounded like a deranged children’s story. Coming soon to bookstores near you- Grandma’s in the Closet- a Burial Primer for Inquisitive Children.

6- after the funeral, I took Dad back to the hotel. My aunts said they’d bring Mom back later. Got a sandwich from the shop in the lobby, which was very good. I tried to nap and managed to get in 30 minutes of sleep before the World’s Noisiest Asshat Convention checked in across the hall. Gave up on sleeping and read for a bit before giving up on that and going out to the shopping center nearby. Tried to see if Dad needed to go get dinner, but he didn’t answer the door. (found out later he’d gone to the casino) Browsed in a couple of stores, read magazines in the B&N, and stopped for a burger at the sandwich place in the lobby on my way back in. The same cashier was working and said “Hello again!”  I said I was surprised she remembered me as busy as they’d been. She told me I was the only person to say please or thank you to them all day, which is why she remembered me.

7- Sunday: At 3 a.m. I went across the hall to bang on the doors of the rooms hosting the World’s Noisiest Asshat Convention. At 3:05 I called the front desk to tell them they could send security up to get them or a cop up to get me when I attacked their door with a fire-axe. At 3:15, I heard “Police, open the door now!” By 3:30, 3 of the asshats were in custody and the rest of them shut the hell up.

 

8- More of the usual on the drive home. We stopped for lunch at the diner again. (got my usual this time- wasn’t making THAT mistake again) Then, about an hour later, we got a vivid reminder of WHY we don’t stop anywhere that isn’t immediately visible from the interstate. Mom wanted a bathroom break, and couldn’t wait. The exit sign said there was a gas station, there WAS, but it was about 3 miles in from the highway. I had a sinking feeling as we drew up to it, and it proved to be right. I got out of my car at the same time a shirtless guy got out of his truck. As I walked past him, I realized all of his numerous tattoos were variations on the Aryan Brotherhood theme. Uh oh. Then I realized that everyone in the lot was staring at us, a LOT of them had similar tats, and Bubba was on his cell phone saying “You are not going to BELIEVE what just walked past me!”







I turned around and walked back to the car- my parents were just finally getting out, and I said “get back in; we’re going to another exit.” Daddy started to argue and then he heard a little boy say “Hey, Papaw, why is that white lady riding in a car with niggers?” He looked at me, I looked back at him, and then he said to my still oblivious mother, “Get back in the car, Marie.” Mom started to argue and we both screamed “GET BACK IN THE DAMN CAR!” I literally burned rubber out of that lot, and didn’t stop until another exit 30 miles up the road.


Then when we did stop again, Dad went back into molasses in January mode getting out of the car. I realized I had pulled up to the gas pump on the wrong side if the car, so after my parents got out, I went to pull around. What does my father do? Walk directly into the path of the car. The store, BTW, was directly across from him as he got out, so there was NO reason for him to walk in front of me. Mom yanked him out of the way by the back of his shirt. I pulled forward, turned around, and headed back toward the pump….where my father was standing there examining it like he’d never seen one before. I rolled down the window and screamed at him to move. “I’m just looking,” he says. Yeah, and I’m just going to kill you now and be done with it.