The Property Room 12 Days of Christmas

On the 1st day of Christmas, the police brought to me:


A protester chained to a tree

On the 2nd day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

2 search warrants & a protester chained to a tree

On the 3rd day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

3 crack pipes, 2 search warrants, and a protester chained to a tree

On the 4th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

4 broken tasers, 3 crack pipes, 2 search warrants, and a protester chained to a tree.

On the 5th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

FIVE DEFACED GUNS,

4 broken tasers, 3 crack pipes, 2 search warrants, and a protester chained to a tree.

On the 6th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

6 meth heads tweaking, FIVE DEFACED GUNS, 4 broken tasers, 3 search warrants, 2 crack pipes and a protester chained to a tree.


On the 7th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:
7 copper pipes, 6 meth heads tweaking, FIVE DEFACED GUNS, 4 broken tasers, 3 search warrants, 2 crack pipes and a protester chained to a tree.

On the 8th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

8 keys of cocaine, 7 copper pipes, 6 meth heads tweaking, FIVE DEFACED GUNS, 4 broken tasers, 3 search warrants, 2 crack pipes and a protester chained to a tree.

On the 9th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

9 giant weed plants, 8 keys of cocaine, 7 copper pipes, 6 meth heads tweaking, FIVE DEFACED GUNS, 4 broken tasers, 3 search warrants, 2 crack pipes and a protester chained to a tree.

On the 10th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

10 grow operations, 9 giant weed plants, 8 keys of cocaine, 7 copper pipes, 6 meth heads tweaking, FIVE DEFACED GUNS, 4 broken tasers, 3 search warrants, 2 crack pipes and a protester chained to a tree

On the 11th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

11 drug lord’s cell phones, 10 grow operations, 9 giant weed plants, 8 keys of cocaine, 7 copper pipes, 6 meth heads tweaking, FIVE DEFACED GUNS, 4 broken tasers, 3 search warrants, 2 crack pipes and a protester chained to a tree.



On the 12th day of Christmas, the police brought to me:

12 bags of pills, 11 drug lord’s cell phones, 10 grow operations, 9 giant weed plants, 8 keys of cocaine, 7 copper pipes, 6 meth heads tweaking, FIVE DEFACED GUNS, 4 broken tasers, 3 search warrants, 2 crack pipes and a protester chained to a tree.



Some liberties were taken with regards as to what we do/do not take here, but all in all, I'm pretty pleased with this. I expect they'll be singing it around the department for years to come. Heh.

Are we still here?

Oh good. I was really worried, you know. I hated to think I was going to die with bad skin and before I got to see the 7th season of Doctor Who. On the other hand, it sucks that we didn't all go up in flames because now I have to go out into the madness and buy Christmas presents. Guess that's what I get for hedging my bets....

It's the end of the world as we know it...

...and I feel fine......

The Casual Vacancy- J K Rowling

I can sum this book up in one word: Blech. Rowling succeeded at one thing- this book is nothing like her Harry Potter series. I didn't expect it to be and was quite hopeful when I heard it described as dark humor. There was plenty of darkness, but very little humor.

 The premise is that a man drops dead unexpectedly and leaves a vacancy on his town council. The surviving councillors are engaged in a war for supremacy for their group's views while trying to get a replacement. The story focuses on their internal warfare and the crumbling relationships with their children, class war, and how people cope with loss.

There wasn't a single likeable character in the book. Not even the teenagers were tolerable. I was slightly amused at them taking metaphorical potshots at the adults around them, but overall, this thing left me cold. One character is vaguely interesting- the sterotypical bad girl who has a horrible family life but is recognized by an adult as a diamond in the rough. The problem is that the adult in this case drops dead at the beginning of the book, nobody else cares enough about this girl to try to keep her going, and she winds up committing suicide at the end.

I'd like to thank J K Rowling for one thing. It's said that all fiction has a base in fact. If life in a British village is that dismal, with politics that pervasive, I am changing my future retirement plans to live in a flat in London!

Channeling my inner Garfield...

I would prefer to stay in bed until it's no longer Monday, but since my landlord and other assorted creditors expect money for various things, I HAVE to get up and go to work.

Last Monday was one of those days where I really should have stayed home. After a week of 60-70 degree temps, it had dropped to 40 overnight and was dropping even lower as the day progressed. my painfully arthritic knees & back were less than thrilled with this, and my long-suffering sinuses were even less so. I woke up early to go get a new work ID made (my last one had an ugly encounter with the gun vault door), looked into the mirror and decided to go back to bed until I looked slightly more human. Thanks to my inflamed sinuses, my eyes were puffy, swollen, and almost blackened. I looked like a domestic violence victim. Not a look you want to sport on a picture ID. It didn't get much better. By the end of the shift, officers were asking me if I needed help and/or who they needed to shoot.

Still have to finish the holiday shopping. My parents & I agreed not to spend a whole lot of money, but it's still hard to find things I think they'd like. Dad is next to impossible to shop for unless I give him nothing but lottery tickets.

I've been working on stitching Christmas ornaments too. I've been trying to stitch one penguin design for the last 2 years and I STILL can't get the damned thing to come out right, no matter how carefully I count. So I gave up on that one and decided to try a different one. Started that, ripped it out three times, and the 4th attempt is the closest I've come to getting it right. It's still slightly lopsided, but my plan is to tell the person it's for that it has Bell's Palsy like me.

Not much else going on right now...more later....

The Devil In Me Strikes Again

So, I was at Wal-Mart, in line and cranky. There were 3 cashiers, 2 U-scans, and about 75 people divided among the lines. 

1 cashier was running a 20 item or less lane. There were 3 ghetto fabulous witches in her line with a cart overflowing with groceries. The cashier politely explained that she was a limited line and these three bitches started throwing a fit."There's no sign that says that" etc, etc. (There was a sign clearly displayed that they were apparently too illiterate to read) She offered to go ahead & take them if they'd allow her to take the girl behind them (the last person in that line) first as she only had 3 items. Their response was that the bitching got louder and angrier. "We had to wait, why shouldn't she?"

Then they started accusing the poor woman of being racist. At this point, evil Mickey came out to play. I've shopped in that store for years, that cashier has waited on me countless times, and is as sweet as she can be. So I pointed at the bitchiest one and cried out, "That's why you look familiar! You used to have a bright red weave with black streaks, didn't you?" All three of them turned to stare at me, so I kept going. "My sister is a nurse at the free clinic and I was picking her up for lunch. You were there complaining about an oozing rash and a guy that beat you up because he said you gave him crabs. You're Syphilitic Sally, right?"

Everyone around us was cracking up. The bitch and her friends started sputtering that they didn't know me and I was mistaken. I kept laying it on louder and thicker. Then a guy in the next lane joined in. "Hey, you told me that rash was just a reaction to your perfume! And you weren't  worth the $20 I paid you!"

By this time, everyone within earshot was hysterical. The terrible trio stormed out in a rage, leaving their groceries. A manager was coming just then, having been alerted to the trouble brewing at our end. He looked at the 30 or so people laughing hysterically, and began laughing himself. I explained what had happened and the cashier they had been abusing shrieked, "You mean you made that all up?" and started laughing so hard that she had to sit down. 

The guy in the next line admitted that he thought what  I was doing was so funny, he couldn't resist joining in. His wife expressed her gratitude at knowing it was a joke. I apologized for costing the store a big sale, and the manager (who was also laughing at this point) said that they could afford it at this time of year. He helped the still giggling cashier void the sale and took the cart back to the grocery department for restocking. My new buddy on the next aisle and I got high fives from the people around us as we got checked out and left.

So remember-be nice to those tired cashiers, especially at this time of year. Because you never know which of your fellow shoppers might decide they've had enough of your bad behavior and embarrass the hell out of you...

Men In Black III

I *LOVED* the first Men In Black. It's one of those movies that I sporadically quote from, watch every time I catch it on TV, and even occasionally attempt to do the dance Will Smith does in the video for the theme song. (You're welcome for the mental image that probably just left you, and no, I won't come clean the drink you just snorted through your nose off your monitor)

The second movie? Eh. It had some funny moments, but just didn't live up to the first one.

Then, many moons later, they announced part 3 was being made. Part of me got giddy, part of me wanted to crawl into a hole and cry. The longer a series goes between sequels, the worse the movies seem to get. See Red Dwarf, the Star Wars series, and the Indiana Jones movies for proof of the depressing decline. (Digressing, I do have to admit I joined the rest of the theater in whooping wildly when the shadow of the hat rolled across the screen and you got to see that Indiana WAS back) I couldn't bring myself to go see it when it was finally released, just in case it really was bad.

Then, I was walking past a Redbox at the grocery store. Most of the time, getting a new release at that box is a no go. On a whim, I pulled MIB3 up and was startled to see it was in. So I rented it, went home, picked up an ornament I was cross stitching and settled in expecting the worst.

A couple of hours later, the ornament was forgotten, I was laughing and crying, and my fears were gone. This was a good movie. Not as humorous as the first, but very well done. The premise is that Agent J (Will Smith) has to go back in time to prevent the death of his partner, K. (Tommy Lee Jones) He meets the younger K (Josh Brolin) and the 2 don't see eye to eye, but wind up getting along and saving the world, just like they do in the future. Brolin is amazing as a younger K. He gets so many of Jones' quirky mannerisms down that you'd almost think it was him.

I suspected I knew what one of the plot twists was going to be, and I was partially right. Then, once I figured out the rest of the twist and it was played out onscreen, I cried like a baby. Won't tell what it was in case you haven't seen it yet, but I will say it explains a lot about a lot of things, especially the relationship between J & K. And despite the sadness of the plot twist, the movie ends with a smile (pretty much literally) and hope for the future.

Will they make a 4th movie? Probably not. I almost hope not, because they left it in a really good place with this installment.

One very minor gripe- I was totally bummed that there wasn't an extra scene thrown in at the end, during or after the credits. There also weren't any bloopers- you just KNOW there had to be some terrific ones from this bunch!