Monday Musings- Felicity & the Squirrel

I lived in a bottom floor apartment in a u-shaped building for about 5 years. My living room windows looked out onto the courtyard and had a small ledge on the outside. There were bushes on either side of my front door and trees by my bathroom window and in the middle of the courtyard. We had a fairly extensive squirrel population, although they mostly lived in the trees out along the street.

Felicity loved to lounge in the windows, like a queen looking out over her lands. She would chatter at my neighbors as they ambled through the courtyard to the rear apartments. Sometimes they'd chatter back. One day, as I was struggling to get the door open, I noticed a flower on the window ledge. I didn't think anything of it at first, other than it was odd for it to be there. Then I started finding all kinds of things on the ledge- flowers, seeds, tiny pebbles, bits of shiny stuff. I wondered if one of my neighbors had a child who was sharing their treasures with my kitten.

The mystery was solved one day when I was home with a headache. Liss had been napping in my lap in my recliner. Her sharp little ears caught a sound and she was off my lap and in the window like a shot. the curtain was pushed askew as she bolted into the window and I finally saw the source of her treasures. A squirrel was there, chattering to her. Felicity pushed her nose against the screen and the squirrel did the same. They sat there, nose to nose, for a minute, and then her little boyfriend was spooked by an approaching neighbor and zipped into the bushes, leaving a leaf behind on the ledge. Liss sighed and came back to my lap, waiting for another chance to chat with her little friend.

Monday Musings- Unbreak my heart

One of the hardest things to do in life is say goodbye to a beloved pet. I had to do exactly that last week. My beautiful Felicity, aka Lissa-kitten, began having seizures Monday night. I picked her up after she stopped thrashing and she was breathing heavily and was very disoriented. I rushed her to the emergency clinic, praying that there would be something that could be done to keep her with me. The vet told me that she was very weak, with a possible heart murmur and that the bloodwork indicated her kidneys were in the beginning stages of failing. She was anemic due to our ongoing battle with fleas, and the doctor suspected that the seizure was caused by a brain tumor. My choices were take her home and hope for the best, or let her go with some dignity and less suffering.

I had to do it. She deserved not to be scared and in pain. So I held her close and told her what a good girl she was and how much I love her and that it was ok to let go because her brother Donahue was waiting for her on the other side, and I let the vet give her the shot that set her sweet little soul free. I held in the tears as I watched the light go out in her beautiful green-gold eyes, and sobbed when she went limp. The vet was kind, but the pain was still there. She let me stay with my baby girl for a while stroking her soft fur & crying in a private room, before they took her away.

To add insult to injury, as I stood sobbing at the counter to pay the receptionist, the radio began playing "Total Eclipse of the Heart."

Everything hurts, still. Greymalkin & Nightshade keep looking for their big sister and I have no way to explain to them that she's gone. I cried when I found one of her milk jug rings hidden in my tennis shoe yersterday. Liss always had a thing for shoes- sleeping on them, hiding toys in them, the cat loved shoes more than Imelda Marcos.

I wish I'd had given her a can of stinky gooshyfood on that last day- she could hear a pull tab from a mile away and would race to the kitchen, wind around my ankles, and yowl insistantly until I put the bowl down in front of her. Her favorites were the ones with salmon and/or shrimp. Malkin & Shady would get to lick the gravy off theirs and as soon as Liss was done with hers, she'd knock them aside and finish theirs. She also knew the sound of the treat canister opening, and it produced the same results.

The weather was nice enough to open the windows for a few days, and that triggered another flood of tears. Felicity loved lounging in the windows, letting the sun shine on her belly and the wind ruffle her  soft tortoiseshell fur. She would churrup at anyone who passed by, encouraging them to come worship her. My mail carrier used to talk to her whenever she was in the front window.  I couldn't resist freaking him out when I heard him once- he said "How's my little sweetheart today?" I was standing just to the side of the window, out of sight, and answered for her.  "Fine, darling, how are you?" He damn near fell off the porch. I came out to apologize and he promised me that he wasn't a weirdo, Liss always talked to him so he thought he'd talk to her for a change. He asked about her Thursday and I had to tell him she was gone. We both cried.

I have a million and one stories to tell about my silly girl. They'll have to wait for future posts. There's a box of tissues calling my name right now...